According to H. Norman Wright, the author of 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged, more than half of all engaged couples don't make it to the altar and about half of marriages end in divorce. That means that when a woman accepts a proposal, there's a 75% chance that she will not be spending her life with her fiance. Scary, huh?

This is why Lu and I decided to be strategic about our preparation for marriage spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. I suppose the pre-engagement period is different for every couple. However, for Lu and I, it started several months ago when we stopped laughing off the question, "So when are you two going to get married?!"

This isn't to say that we hadn't thought about marriage seriously before this point. In fact, shortly into our official relationship, we had a frank discussion of what we expected from the relationship and each other. While our expectations of each other have continued to evolve, what we expected of the relationship remained consistent: We were not dating for fun or [just] because we were physically attracted to each other, we were dating because we believed God brought us together for a greater purpose.

Was this purpose marriage? We didn't know. We just knew that neither of us wanted to start a serious relationship with someone that didn't at least have marriage potential. In fact, after building such a strong friendship over several months, we recognized that we were taking a risk by adding the "boyfriend/girlfriend" title.

Looking back makes me even more convinced that Lu is truly my soul mate and a complement to my life. He sees the big picture, while I focus on the details. He always looks for the silver lining, while I take care of the rain plan. When one of us is down, the other puts their needs aside to lift them up. Even when we cook together, I'm in charge of the seasoning, while he takes care of the chopping! Simply stated: We are better together than we are apart.

There's also an openness and a comfort to our relationship that I've never experienced before. We can talk about everything (except proposal plans, of course). Not only can I be myself around him, but I trust him enough to allow my vulnerabilities to show. For a "modern" woman who prides herself on her independence, that's not easy. However, it's become natural because he's my best friend.

Now that I've elicited some reaction from you (a smile, an "awwww," an eye roll from the bitter folks), how does this relate to pre-engagement? Pre-engagement started at the point where we believed that marriage was in God's plans for our future, and we decided to take a thoughtful approach.

Step 1: We prayed and opened our hearts to hearing from God.

Step 2: Then, like the good PhD students we are, we decided to do some research. We scoured the library (i.e. Amazon) and decided to read Before You Get Engaged by David Gudgel and to work through 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright. We also thought that now would be a good time to do a daily devotional that was specifically geared towards couples, so we picked up the aptly named Devotions for Dating Couples by Samuel Adams and Ben Young.

Step 3: After a few weeks, we started letting our family and friends know about our plans. Although the decision is ultimately between us and God, we decided it would be helpful to talk to those who know us best and couples who have been in our shoes before.

Step 4: Finally, we've started counseling with leaders in our church. Yes, we are doing pre-marital counseling before we are engaged. In our eyes, God knew that we were going to be together before we were even born. If our marriage is meant to be, then putting an engagement ring on my finger is less of a promise and more of a public announcement of what's already been ordained to happen. (Thanks, Pastor Barb!) Before we get swept away in the warm wishes and wedding planning, we want to have a clear vision for our marriage.

Does this take the romance out of our engagement and the fantasy out of our wedding? Not at all. Investing this time up front has made me more excited to have Jeremy as a partner for life. I feel peace and happiness, instead of anxiety or distress.

I'll continue to post about the counseling sessions and the books, and I hope that others will take advantage of resources available to them. Let's be a part of the 25% that make it to forever!