~* Ash *~
Before You Get Engaged by Dr. David Gudgel was the first book that Lu and I decided to read. We chose this book for two main reasons: 1) there aren't that many books that discuss preparing for engagement, and 2) it takes a really interesting approach.
Whereas most books on engagement and marriage are from the point of view of a pastor who has been married for 50 years and married off their children 25 years ago, Before You Get Engaged is realistic and down-to-earth. The main text is written by a pastor in California, and there's also input from his son and his son's girlfriend who were considering engagement at the time. (**Spoiler Alert** They got married. Not really super-surprising, but sorry if I ruined it for you.)
Therefore, the book tackles pre-engagement and finding a life partner from several views: a biblical standpoint, a counselor/pastor sharing his own experiences and interactions with couples over the years, and a couple in their mid-twenties considering engagement.
Before You Get Engaged is an easy and enjoyable read. Not only do the author(s) have a conversational tone, but it's also divided into "bite-sized parts." This was important because Lu and I wanted to make sure that we could enjoy the book together. By fitting 15 chapters in under 200 pages, each section was only a few to several pages long, which made it great for reading in the car together or during study breaks.
I don't want to give the book away because it's definitely worth the read, but it has four parts: 1) Are you sure you're ready?; 2) Do you make a good couple?; 3) What do others say?; and 4) Now what should you do?
By the end of the book, we were ready to complete the following pre-engagement checklist:
1) Would you marry you?
Not to toot my own horn, but I'd definitely put a ring on it.
2) Are you all dated out?
YES!!! This question deserves its own future blog post... but as a reformed serial-dater, I'm over it!
3) Are you ready to make a "'til death do you part" commitment?
I couldn't imagine living life without Lu, nor would I want to.
4) Is the timing right?
Lu and I talked about this before we read the book and decided that the "perfect" time for us to get married is when we are 35 with tenure. Since neither of us wants to wait a decade, we talked to friends who got married and grad school, weighed the pros and cons, and decided that now is a pretty good time.
5) Are you genuinely "in love"?
Yep, he still gives me butterflies.
6) Do you communicate effectively?
This question is our only yellow flag. When things are going great, we literally finish each other's sentences. When issues come up, those personality types I discussed earlier tend to take over. We're hoping to talk about this during pre-marital counseling. In the meantime, we're actively practicing ditching the Golden Rule (treat others how you'd want to be treated) for the Platinum Rule: Treat others how they want to be treated.
7) Are you on the same page?
Sometimes we're even on the same paragraph.
8) Are you spiritually connected?
Definitely, and we're constantly working to maintain and strengthen this connection.
9) Are you better together than you are apart?
Also discussed in a previous post: We complement each other really well.
10) Is your heart at peace?
For the first time in any relationship, I'm truly content.
11) Do you believe this is God's will?
Looking back on how everything played out, only God could have timed it that perfectly.
12) Are your friends and family supportive?
They love him... and so do I.
Whereas most books on engagement and marriage are from the point of view of a pastor who has been married for 50 years and married off their children 25 years ago, Before You Get Engaged is realistic and down-to-earth. The main text is written by a pastor in California, and there's also input from his son and his son's girlfriend who were considering engagement at the time. (**Spoiler Alert** They got married. Not really super-surprising, but sorry if I ruined it for you.)
Therefore, the book tackles pre-engagement and finding a life partner from several views: a biblical standpoint, a counselor/pastor sharing his own experiences and interactions with couples over the years, and a couple in their mid-twenties considering engagement.
Before You Get Engaged is an easy and enjoyable read. Not only do the author(s) have a conversational tone, but it's also divided into "bite-sized parts." This was important because Lu and I wanted to make sure that we could enjoy the book together. By fitting 15 chapters in under 200 pages, each section was only a few to several pages long, which made it great for reading in the car together or during study breaks.
I don't want to give the book away because it's definitely worth the read, but it has four parts: 1) Are you sure you're ready?; 2) Do you make a good couple?; 3) What do others say?; and 4) Now what should you do?
By the end of the book, we were ready to complete the following pre-engagement checklist:
1) Would you marry you?
Not to toot my own horn, but I'd definitely put a ring on it.
2) Are you all dated out?
YES!!! This question deserves its own future blog post... but as a reformed serial-dater, I'm over it!
3) Are you ready to make a "'til death do you part" commitment?
I couldn't imagine living life without Lu, nor would I want to.
4) Is the timing right?
Lu and I talked about this before we read the book and decided that the "perfect" time for us to get married is when we are 35 with tenure. Since neither of us wants to wait a decade, we talked to friends who got married and grad school, weighed the pros and cons, and decided that now is a pretty good time.
5) Are you genuinely "in love"?
Yep, he still gives me butterflies.
6) Do you communicate effectively?
This question is our only yellow flag. When things are going great, we literally finish each other's sentences. When issues come up, those personality types I discussed earlier tend to take over. We're hoping to talk about this during pre-marital counseling. In the meantime, we're actively practicing ditching the Golden Rule (treat others how you'd want to be treated) for the Platinum Rule: Treat others how they want to be treated.
7) Are you on the same page?
Sometimes we're even on the same paragraph.
8) Are you spiritually connected?
Definitely, and we're constantly working to maintain and strengthen this connection.
9) Are you better together than you are apart?
Also discussed in a previous post: We complement each other really well.
10) Is your heart at peace?
For the first time in any relationship, I'm truly content.
11) Do you believe this is God's will?
Looking back on how everything played out, only God could have timed it that perfectly.
12) Are your friends and family supportive?
They love him... and so do I.
Awww...I truly enjoy reading your blogs. I am playing catch up today, and again thank you for letting us in Lu Valentine Kind of Love!