~* Ash *~
When Lu and I first started the pre-engagement period, we were both full of excitement, wonder, and lots of giddiness. The books we read were thoughtful and often started deep conversations about things that we'd never considered, or even things that we'd just assumed we knew about each other. As we begin to move into the point in our relationship where we're confident about engagement and marriage, we've started to get a little cocky. We think we know "everything" that we possibly could without having taken the vows.
Since we're beginning our official pre-marital counseling sessions, we have a whole new set of readings, surveys, and questionnaires. It's comforting to look over the materials because we've discussed a lot of the topics during our pre-engagement reading. On the other hand, we're a little nervous because we'll be counseling with another couple now, as well as the pastor of my home church (who will be officiating the ceremony) later. Will they push us on topics that we think are resolved? Will they see rifts that we didn't even know existed? Will they break our confidence in moving forward?
To give you a bit of background, we're blessed to belong to a great church with lots of examples of what marriage should look like. Contrary to popular belief, we've seen that happy and healthy marriages can exist in the newlywed phase, when you have young children, and even after decades of being with the same person.
In fact, the couple who will be advising us has been married for nearly 42 years, and they're still full of obvious love and affection for each other. This couple has taken us under their wing since we joined the church. They've told us that Jeremy and I remind them of themselves earlier in their relationship, and people have even mistaken me for one of their daughters. They have played a special role in making our church family feel like a real family, and I'm really happy that we are going to grow closer to them as we prepare to enter our marriage.
With that being said, this couple is serious about the pre-marital process. They're not quite on the level of License to Wed, but they have already given us a number of assignments and suggestions, including:
1) Watch a DVD entitled, "Making the Right Choice" by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson.
2) Fill out a background questionnaire about ourselves and our relationship.
3) Purchase Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey and fill out the Personal History Worksheet and Great Expectations survey.
4) Prepare a list of questions to ask them about their relationship.
5) Look into taking financial management classes if we feel that we need them.
.... And this is before our first official session next Tuesday.
We even had to sign a counseling contract. Some of the highlights included honesty and openness with each other and with them (completely doable), a commitment to refrain from physical intimacy (tough but we've been strong so far), and to not set a date or begin wedding planning until they give us their blessing -- which they won't do until they think we're actually ready to take the next step (HARD)!
Lu and I want to be married in October -- yes, October 2010 -- if possible. We're students, so we're working around school breaks. It's either Fall Break in October or next May after the academic year is over, which is a pretty big difference. Neither one of us wants a long engagement (more on that in a later post), and my ESTJ personality wants to begin planning sooner rather than later. I've been restraining myself because we're not technically engaged; but you're telling me that even after the ring is on my finger, I have to wait? And for an undisclosed amount of time?!
To some it may seem odd that I'm more concerned about wedding planning than abstaining from physical intimacy, especially given my post on how wedding planning is intimidating. However, since Christians are supposed to abstain from pre-marital sex, I was expecting that to be a condition of counseling. No wedding planning was definitely an unexpected curve ball.
To be fair, the reason that we started counseling so early is because Lu's mother really wants us to get counseling before we set a date. This made sense to me: start counseling, get engaged, continue counseling, pick up some bridal magazines, more counseling, start calling venues and caterers, even more counseling, visit Maryland to look at places and squeeze in a few tastings, finish counseling, and then officially book everything.
The above scenario would have worked for me. Planning a wedding is overwhelming. Planning a wedding in less than six months is particularly challenging. Planning a wedding in less than six months in another state added the final twist to this triple axel of matrimony... or so I thought. Now I won't even know when we can begin to plan.
*Pause. Take a deep breath.*
I know that everything works in God's timing. If He wants us to be married in October, then things will come together. There's really no point in stressing about anything, especially since I know that this couple has our best interest at heart. After all, the reason I stared this blog was to show that preparing for engagement and marriage is just as important to making a union last as picking out flowers and exchanging vows.
Realistically, what's waiting several more months if it means that we have a greater chance of lasting for several decades?... Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to maintain my sanity.
Since we're beginning our official pre-marital counseling sessions, we have a whole new set of readings, surveys, and questionnaires. It's comforting to look over the materials because we've discussed a lot of the topics during our pre-engagement reading. On the other hand, we're a little nervous because we'll be counseling with another couple now, as well as the pastor of my home church (who will be officiating the ceremony) later. Will they push us on topics that we think are resolved? Will they see rifts that we didn't even know existed? Will they break our confidence in moving forward?
To give you a bit of background, we're blessed to belong to a great church with lots of examples of what marriage should look like. Contrary to popular belief, we've seen that happy and healthy marriages can exist in the newlywed phase, when you have young children, and even after decades of being with the same person.
In fact, the couple who will be advising us has been married for nearly 42 years, and they're still full of obvious love and affection for each other. This couple has taken us under their wing since we joined the church. They've told us that Jeremy and I remind them of themselves earlier in their relationship, and people have even mistaken me for one of their daughters. They have played a special role in making our church family feel like a real family, and I'm really happy that we are going to grow closer to them as we prepare to enter our marriage.
With that being said, this couple is serious about the pre-marital process. They're not quite on the level of License to Wed, but they have already given us a number of assignments and suggestions, including:
1) Watch a DVD entitled, "Making the Right Choice" by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson.
2) Fill out a background questionnaire about ourselves and our relationship.
3) Purchase Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey and fill out the Personal History Worksheet and Great Expectations survey.
4) Prepare a list of questions to ask them about their relationship.
5) Look into taking financial management classes if we feel that we need them.
.... And this is before our first official session next Tuesday.
We even had to sign a counseling contract. Some of the highlights included honesty and openness with each other and with them (completely doable), a commitment to refrain from physical intimacy (tough but we've been strong so far), and to not set a date or begin wedding planning until they give us their blessing -- which they won't do until they think we're actually ready to take the next step (HARD)!
Lu and I want to be married in October -- yes, October 2010 -- if possible. We're students, so we're working around school breaks. It's either Fall Break in October or next May after the academic year is over, which is a pretty big difference. Neither one of us wants a long engagement (more on that in a later post), and my ESTJ personality wants to begin planning sooner rather than later. I've been restraining myself because we're not technically engaged; but you're telling me that even after the ring is on my finger, I have to wait? And for an undisclosed amount of time?!
To some it may seem odd that I'm more concerned about wedding planning than abstaining from physical intimacy, especially given my post on how wedding planning is intimidating. However, since Christians are supposed to abstain from pre-marital sex, I was expecting that to be a condition of counseling. No wedding planning was definitely an unexpected curve ball.
To be fair, the reason that we started counseling so early is because Lu's mother really wants us to get counseling before we set a date. This made sense to me: start counseling, get engaged, continue counseling, pick up some bridal magazines, more counseling, start calling venues and caterers, even more counseling, visit Maryland to look at places and squeeze in a few tastings, finish counseling, and then officially book everything.
The above scenario would have worked for me. Planning a wedding is overwhelming. Planning a wedding in less than six months is particularly challenging. Planning a wedding in less than six months in another state added the final twist to this triple axel of matrimony... or so I thought. Now I won't even know when we can begin to plan.
*Pause. Take a deep breath.*
I know that everything works in God's timing. If He wants us to be married in October, then things will come together. There's really no point in stressing about anything, especially since I know that this couple has our best interest at heart. After all, the reason I stared this blog was to show that preparing for engagement and marriage is just as important to making a union last as picking out flowers and exchanging vows.
Realistically, what's waiting several more months if it means that we have a greater chance of lasting for several decades?... Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to maintain my sanity.
