Note: Still waiting on the official wedding pictures. I'll continue my recap with the rehearsal dinner/rehearsal tomorrow.

On Saturday, I was truly blessed by a conference I attended at church called "Women In God Soar" (or WINGS -- gotta love acronyms). Sponsored by the United Sisters, this conference was just what I needed as I enter this transition period in my life emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

I left feeling empowered by not only the messages I received but by the overall spirit of being surrounded by a group of dynamic, Christian women. I was particularly touched by the two groups sessions that I attended: "Building Strong and Healthy Christian Marriages" and "Women in God Sore: Learning to Deal with People Who Have Failed You."

Oh, yeah. Deep topics.

Part of me wishes that I'd recorded these sessions, so that I could transcribe the conversations that occurred, however words alone could not capture the mood of the room and the safe space that encouraged women to open up about some very private issues. (Another reason why I won't transcribe them, I respect the confidentiality of everything that was shared.)

Nonetheless, to give you an overview of each:

Building Strong and Healthy Christian Marriages

This was so on time. With one week of marriage under my belt, I can already tell you that it's work!

Lu and I are still riding the wave of lovey-dovey newlywed bliss, but this marriage thing isn't exactly natural. All of the things that we learned in counseling gave us a great base to work from, but some lessons you learn (or have to recall) on the fly. For example, Ms. L invited me to hang out for a few hours after the conference. Lu wanted to cook dinner together and I wanted to go to bed early (sinus infection -- blah), so we had to talk about timing. Not a big deal, but not exactly, "Hey, I'm going to hang out with Les. I'll call you when I'm free. Love you!"

But I digress. Taken from 1 Thessalonians 5: 11-18, Dr. Kris Andrews led a lecture and discussion that talked about the importance of prayer, practice, and praise for building a healthy marriage.

• Prayer: Of course, there's the phrase that the family that prays together stays together, but what do you pray about? Dr. Andrews suggests that you pray for -- well, a bunch of things, includng: a spirit of love, humility, and forgiveness; effective communication; wisdom; and a servant's heart to not only your husband but also to God. In addition, she also suggested that one pray before making love. It sounds a bit strange, but sex truly is a gift from God. In these busy times for both of us, praying for freedom from worry and stress and praying for passion, eagerness, and no inhibitions seem like they'll come in handy. At least in the future, between being newlyweds and ending celibacy, we're pretty good on the love-making aspect of marriage right now!

• Practice: Like I said, marriage doesn't always come naturally. Humans tend to be selfish (especially only children and youngest children -- just sayin'), and to learn to put someone else's needs above your own takes active practice. Dr. Andrews suggested that we practice peacemaking, patience, and forgiveness. Remember that verse in I Corinthians 13? Love keeps no record of wrongs? Yep, forgive and forget. After all, you're stuck with this person for life.

• Praise: It's important to praise God, but also to praise your partner. As an exercise, we created a list of things that we could praise our partner about, even in times  when our partner doesn't exactly seem the most praise-worthy. From taking out the trash to having a great sense of humor, our partners want to feel appreciated and worthy. If not, they'll start looking to places outside of the home to build their self-esteem. Not just in an adulterous way, but your partner may spend more time at work, in the ministry, volunteering, or some other affirming activity. These are things that may seem "good" but not when they take away from spending time at home.

Women in God Sore: Learning to Deal with People Who Have Failed You

This was a session about forgiveness -- one of my admittedly weaker areas. Led by Dr. Carol Burrell-Jackson, we walked through definitions of failure, examples of failure in the Bible, a powerful exercise about the complications of holding on to failure, and even some benefits of failure.

Then we talked about the five steps in the process of forgiveness:

1) Know what happened.
2) Confront what happened. If this isn't possible for safety or other reasons, then writing a letter about what happened and getting your feelings out can be helpful for cleansing.
3) Forgive. (This is a hard one.)
4) Move on with a spirit of love in your heart. (This is an even harder one!)
5) Be willing to trust again.

This session particularly touched me because I've dealt with some pretty big failures in my life, as has everyone. Forgiveness is something that truly is a process. I have a habit of putting things out of sight, out of mind -- not truly working through the issue but just escaping it and blocking it out. Instead of solving anything, this actually leads to repetition of the behavior.

For example, in high school and through college, I was in a series of abusive relationships -- verbally, emotionally, and physically. Yep, I've been through it, and it's affected me.

Wow, you don't know how hard it was to type those two sentences. Everyone always thinks of me as the person whose got it together, who has everything under control, and who succeeds -- seemingly pretty effortlessly -- at whatever I do. Smart. Nice. Pretty. Dependable. Unfailable.

Admitting this flaw, or this failure to myself, was extremely hard.

I could go into an in-depth self-analysis of why I found myself in these relationships that were harmful to me and poisonous to my ability to grow and flourish. However, I think a large part of it was that I was always the "superwoman." I'd meet a guy who was initially a good guy, then something would happen and the abusive pattern would start. Sometimes, I'd think it was my "fault." If I hadn't expressed my frustration in a certain way, or if I'd been able to read his mind about what/when he wanted time, space, sex, etc. then things would improve.

Then when the behavior didn't change, I'd switch to the mode of saving whatever guy I was dating. By this time, we'd been seeing each other long enough for me to realize that he'd grown up in an abusive family, or that he was overwhelmed with stress, or something that otherwise "excused" his behavior toward me. I couldn't leave him. What kind of person would I be to leave someone who needed my help?

Ultimately, I'd realize that the relationship was causing undue pain to me. The physical and verbal abuse, of course, are the easiest to handle and to leave. Someone crosses a very clear line and you know what you're dealing with.

However, emotional and mental abuse are always a bit tricky. People tend to control your time, be possessive of your behavior, and define your worth. It can be deceptively innocent at the beginning -- even flattering. Someone wants to spend all their time with you, call you to check up on you, and constantly compliment everything you do. Then it changes -- in both directions. I've dealt with the possessive, smothering type of man and the distant guy who'd "punish" me by denying me his time and/or affection when I'd done something that displeased him.

It becomes almost a game: Let's figure out how to make him happy. Which buttons should I never push? I tend to find a lot of my other "smart" friends have fallen into this trap. It's not abuse. It's just a puzzle to be figured out. Nonetheless, when you find yourself questioning your own value or attempting to live up to some impossible standard, that's when a line has certainly been crossed.

Even worse is the process of admitting it.

Dr. Susan Weitzman wrote a book entitled, Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages that tackles these very feelings of denial, shame, and unworthiness that occurs in these relationships. I think this problem is particularly prevalent in the black community when women are so focused on finding the "elusive, good, black man" and the community is so intent on protecting the few shining examples that exist that women are often re-victimized in the process of trying to free themselves. (Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill, anyone?)

In my experience, it just goes to show you how everything comes full circle. Before we met, Lu and I lived parallel lives for several years -- in Atlanta and at Michigan. We had several friends in common, and even frequented the same coffee shops. We could have met four years before we did.

However, God knew that we both were working on some things individually before we could come together. If I hadn't learned to forgive, I would never have been able to learn to trust again. I learned the hard way that you can't skip steps in the process of forgiveness.

Both of us are still a work in progress individually and together; but with Lu, I know that I can soar.

With two weeks left until the wedding, it's time to make a decision. What will my name be on October 16, 2010 at 4:30 pm?

• Pros: 
• Maintaining my professional identity.
• No legal paperwork.
• I'd give feminism a metaphorical fist bump. In the opinion of one feminist writer of Columbia University's Sister magazine, "Surnames are one of the most powerful tools used by patriarchy to deny women not only equal rights but even personhood." I see where she's coming from, but denying personhood? That's a bit extreme.

•  Cons:
• Most people won't appreciate my decision to take a stand against patriarchy, and some won't even acknowledge it. After all, we've been already getting wedding gifts addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Brown." 
• Quite frankly, I don't feel like explaining my name decision to any/everyone. Since I'm not a hardcore feminist, although I certainly appreciate it, I don't want or need to use my name as a soapbox.
• I'll have the Baby's Mama issue. Since about 72% of black mothers are not married, it wouldn't be a far-fetched assumption for people to think that my future children were born out of wedlock.

• Pros: 
• It's traditional and convenient.
• Since we're sharing every other aspect of our life, sharing a name will be another way to mold from "him and me" to "us."
• Our family will be publicly viewed as one unit. No explanations necessary.
• I get to practice my new signature and get all the corny monogrammed stuff my heart desires. Petty, but life is about the simple pleasures.

•  Cons:
• The paperwork to change my name will be a pain in the rear.
• I probably will initially struggle with a sense of identity loss.

• Pros: 
• I get the best of both worlds -- acknowledging my marriage, while being true to my maiden self.

•  Cons:
• It can get confusing. I've heard horror stories of people having duplicate medical records, not being able to cash checks, etc. While hyphens are more common, you don't always get a free pass to use your maiden or married name depending on how you feel.
• The paperwork is still there. 
• What the heck will our daughter do when she gets married?

 

Super excited!! Our unity cross came today! :-)

Background: Many couples use a unity candle in their wedding ceremony. Typically, the unity candle has three parts: a large candle in the center with a thinner, taper candle on each side. The mothers light the smaller candles in the beginning of the ceremony. After the exchange of vows, the bride and groom take the candle of their respective "side" and light the larger candle together to symbolize the union of the two families.


Lu and I are both very family-oriented, and we love the idea of our families coming together.  However, our wedding isn't really about the joining of our families, it's about us.

Now before you roll your eyes and think I'm having a selfish bridezilla moment, it's true. All of our pre-marital counselors -- the senior pastors at the church we attend in Michigan, the wonderful couple that counseled us in Michigan, and the pastor at my home church in Maryland who's officiating the ceremony -- emphasized that our marriage is about the two of us.  Our families don't have to like each other. Heck, our families don't even have to like that we're married!

If God put it in our hearts that Lu and I are meant for each other, than nobody else's opinion matters. We should listen to wise advice and seek guidance when needed; but from the time we exchange our vows, our marriage is about Lu and me. In fact, we've even been cautioned to keep our marriage private. It's not about our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or even our future children -- our marriage is based on vows that we exchanged with each other.

Despite all of this, or rather because of it, Lu and I feel truly blessed that our families do get along. I love that I can spend a few weeks in South Carolina and feel at home. Lu is excited to drive to Maryland to hang out with my family. It's not unusual for our mothers to call each other up and chat on the phone.


More importantly, we are so happy that even beyond our parents, our families can interact with each other. When I looked back on the pictures of our engagement party, I can't tell you how much it touched my heart to see both of our families talking and laughing together. We didn't have to force it or coax them together, it just seemed so natural.


Therefore, Lu and I have decided to have a two-part unity ceremony. During the first part, Lu and I will assemble a unity cross. As you'll see in the video below, the cross symbolizes the joining of a man (the bold, solid frame) and a woman (the intricate, supporting piece). We can then display the cross in our home as a reminder of our vows and our strength as a couple.  Bonus: it looks much better than a unity candle, too!



As far as our families, our mothers will light the side candles at the beginning of the wedding as it's traditionally done. After we say our vows and assemble our unity cross, both sets of parents will come up together to light the unity candle for our families.

Logistically, I'm not sure how this will work in terms of timing, music, placement of the cross and candle, etc. However, I'm looking forward to Lu and I getting to spend a special moment with our parents during the actual ceremony.

It's almost been a week since we've written, but what a week it's been! Lu and I left to go to Maryland last Thursday and just walked in the door after an 11-hour drive.... Gotta love DC-area traffic.

Anyway, we'll be updating you soon with lots of details about everything we've done in the last six days but to give you a preview, here's some of the things we'll discuss:

-- Finding out just how well we know each other: road trip/multiple-choice style
-- Meeting our photographer
-- Picking out our cake
-- Leaving behind my "old life"
-- Visiting the church, reception venue, and the hotels where we blocked off rooms
-- Our engagement party (the first surprise party I've ever had -- kudos to Lu and our amazing families!)
-- Picking out our linens
-- Our first face-to-face counseling session with the pastor of my home church. (We'd been using Skype.)
-- Discussing bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and wedding weekend logistics with our families and bridal party
-- Getting my mother's dress
-- Wine-tasting for the reception
-- Choosing our wedding soundtrack

.... I told y'all we were busy! Off to bed for me right now, but expect lots of fun posts in the next few weeks. Any topics that you want to hear about more than others??

Lu and I had a great pre-marital counseling session with the couple from our church in Michigan. Our discussion was based on The First Years of Forever by Ed Wheat and Gloria Perkins, and the topic was conflict resolution and communication. These topics go hand in hand because pretty much all conflict -- whether in a marriage or not -- stems from communication, or more accurately, miscommunication.

Communication is one of those huge words that can mean anything and encompass everything, so the couple mostly focused on two words that can wreak havoc in a marriage:"Yes, but...."

The phrase itself is an oxymoron. "Yes" means that you agree, while "but" indicates that you do not. While the phrase is often used to soften a rebuttal, in actuality, it negates everything the other person just said!

Instead of breaking out the conversation-killer, couples should try to use phrases like:

"I see what you mean."

"I hadn't thought of that."

If you really don't agree, then you should point out specifically where you differ:

"I agree with what you said about x, y, and z. I think about a, b, and c a little differently than you do."

Or you can pull out the old peer-mediation technique of repeating what the other person told you in your own words:


"Just to make sure I understand where you're coming from, you're saying...."

I like the third technique for two reasons. First, it requires you to actually listen to what the other person said and process it enough to put it in your own terms. Most of the time, we're so worried about proving our point and putting together our argument, that we don't even hear what the other person is saying -- much less truly listen.

In addition, while "Yes, but" is dismissive, the last suggestion makes the other person feel validated. Oftentimes, we just want to know that the person that we're speaking to is paying attention.

Remember those first few dates you had with your partner? How engaged you were in the conversation? How you were just as, if not more, invested in soaking up everything he or she said as you were in talking about yourself? That should be enhanced in marriage.

Everyone knows how to build strong communication, but we tend to slack off when it comes to maintaining it. Listening to your partner and letting your partner know that you do really care is how you can keep communication strong.

Lu and I just came from our first pre-marital counseling session, and it was great! We talked with our advisors about our expectations for marriage and the development of our relationship.

Our discussion stemmed from the Great Expectations Survey in Preparing for Marriage that we filled out prior to the session.  The survey itself was pretty exhaustive. It discussed illusions vs. the reality of married life, as well as our views on our marital relationship, finances, home, housekeeping, children and parenting, socializing and entertaining, spiritual life, holidays/vacations/special occasions, parents and other relatives, and sex.


Needless to say, we didn't cover all of those topics. In the hour and a half that we met, we discussed a grand total of two questions:

1) How do you expect to make decisions after you are married?

2) How much time do you expect to spend with each other and with friends after marriage?

From those two questions, we discussed making big and small decisions, communication, how we handle disagreements, negotiating, pride, making our relationship a safe space, spending time together, our relationships with friends and families and how they viewed our relationship, what we observed in our parents' relationships, and our friendship.

We'd been through enough situations to give concrete examples of conflicts that had both positive and negative outcomes. We could also identify different phases in our friendship and dating relationship where we experienced obvious growth as we learned more about each other and about "us."

Listening to Lu and reflecting upon our relationship made me realize just how far we'd come. We have had some ups and downs, minor bumps, and major potholes; however, we keep evolving. What's made the difference for us is that we don't just go for the quick fix and move on. We put time and effort into dissecting the root of our issues. At one point, we even broke up for a month because we each needed to work on things individually before we were able to make progress as a couple.

This process can be frustrating and annoying, but it has enabled us to work through those lingering reservations and excess baggage that we brought into our relationship. We've been able to learn how to effectively communicate with each other to develop a plan for how to move forward. More importantly, we actually follow through and make deliberate steps toward making our relationship stronger.

We aren't naive. We aren't bitter.  We've metaphorically checked our baggage, and I must admit that I was pretty proud of us tonight.

I mentioned in my last post that we had to watch "Making the Right Choice," by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson of Eastern Star Church in Indiana as part of our pre-pre-marital counseling. The DVD is a recording of a sermon that Pastor Johnson gave on Valentine's Day. We thought that this DVD would be a very "holy" message about seeking God's counsel during this time in our lives and making sure that we are spiritually ready for marriage... how sweet.

WRONG!

This DVD was about sex: great sex, lots of sex, fun sex -- as long as it's sex within the context of marriage. We all know that the Bible says that fornication and adultery are bad, but we rarely talk about the good sex in the Bible. In Proverbs 5: 18-23, King Solomon speaks to his son about fidelity and warns him against becoming involved in an adulterous relationship.  King Solomon's remedy to staying faithful to one woman is to pick someone that you can have extremely satisfying sex with 'til death do you part.

While Pastor Johnson certainly highlights that love is a necessary part of a healthy marriage and cautions against the problems of pre/extra-marital sex, he focuses primarily on nurturing the sexual part of marital intimacy.

To put it simply, having sex with the right person is a good thing... a very good thing. Conversely, having sex with the wrong person leads to all kinds of problems.  Pastor Johnson has also published The Song of Solomon: Love, Sex, and Relationships. I haven't read the book, but I'm assuming that it elaborates on his message in the sermon.

Personally, I really liked the sermon.  People often talk about sex and love in either/or terms. Either you have great sex or a great relationship. It's the whole bad boy vs. nice guy comparison. Women are drawn to the bad boy for sex, even though he treats them horribly in all other ways. However, the nice guy gets stuck in the role of the friend. To put it into the context of marital stereotypes, men cheat on the loving but prude housewife with the curvy, tempting seductress.

It's important to have both in a marriage, and I'm glad that our counselors recognize this. With that being said, discussing this with them will be quite interesting....

When Lu and I first started the pre-engagement period, we were both full of excitement, wonder, and lots of giddiness. The books we read were thoughtful and often started deep conversations about things that we'd never considered, or even things that we'd just assumed we knew about each other. As we begin to move into the point in our relationship where we're confident about engagement and marriage, we've started to get a little cocky. We think we know "everything" that we possibly could without having taken the vows.


Since we're beginning our official pre-marital counseling sessions, we have a whole new set of readings, surveys, and questionnaires. It's comforting to look over the materials because we've discussed a lot of the topics during our pre-engagement reading. On the other hand, we're a little nervous because we'll be counseling with another couple now, as well as the pastor of my home church (who will be officiating the ceremony) later. Will they push us on topics that we think are resolved? Will they see rifts that we didn't even know existed? Will they break our confidence in moving forward?


To give you a bit of background, we're blessed to belong to a great church with lots of examples of what marriage should look like. Contrary to popular belief, we've seen that happy and healthy marriages can exist in the newlywed phase, when you have young children, and even after decades of being with the same person.


In fact, the couple who will be advising us has been married for nearly 42 years, and they're still full of obvious love and affection for each other. This couple has taken us under their wing since we joined the church. They've told us that Jeremy and I remind them of themselves earlier in their relationship, and people have even mistaken me for one of their daughters. They have played a special role in making our church family feel like a real family, and I'm really happy that we are going to grow closer to them as we prepare to enter our marriage.


With that being said, this couple is serious about the pre-marital process. They're not quite on the level of License to Wed, but they have already given us a number of assignments and suggestions, including:


1) Watch a DVD entitled, "Making the Right Choice" by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson.
2) Fill out a background questionnaire about ourselves and our relationship.
3) Purchase Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey and fill out the Personal History Worksheet and Great Expectations survey.
4) Prepare a list of questions to ask them about their relationship.
5) Look into taking financial management classes if we feel that we need them.


.... And this is before our first official session next Tuesday.


We even had to sign a counseling contract. Some of the highlights included honesty and openness with each other and with them (completely doable), a commitment to refrain from physical intimacy (tough but we've been strong so far), and to not set a date or begin wedding planning until they give us their blessing -- which they won't do until they think we're actually ready to take the next step (HARD)!


Lu and I want to be married in October -- yes, October 2010 -- if possible. We're students, so we're working around school breaks. It's either Fall Break in October or next May after the academic year is over, which is a pretty big difference. Neither one of us wants a long engagement (more on that in a later post), and my ESTJ personality wants to begin planning sooner rather than later. I've been restraining myself because we're not technically engaged; but you're telling me that even after the ring is on my finger, I have to wait? And for an undisclosed amount of time?!


To some it may seem odd that I'm more concerned about wedding planning than abstaining from physical intimacy, especially given my post on how wedding planning is intimidating. However, since Christians are supposed to abstain from pre-marital sex, I was expecting that to be a condition of counseling.  No wedding planning was definitely an unexpected curve ball.


To be fair, the reason that we started counseling so early is because Lu's mother really wants us to get counseling before we set a date.  This made sense to me: start counseling, get engaged, continue counseling, pick up some bridal magazines, more counseling, start calling venues and caterers, even more counseling, visit Maryland to look at places and squeeze in a few tastings, finish counseling, and then officially book everything.


The above scenario would have worked for me. Planning a wedding is overwhelming. Planning a wedding in less than six months is particularly challenging.  Planning a wedding in less than six months in another state added the final twist to this triple axel of matrimony... or so I thought. Now I won't even know when we can begin to plan.


*Pause. Take a deep breath.*


I know that everything works in God's timing. If He wants us to be married in October, then things will come together. There's really no point in stressing about anything, especially since I know that this couple has our best interest at heart. After all, the reason I stared this blog was to show that preparing for engagement and marriage is just as important to making a union last as picking out flowers and exchanging vows.


Realistically, what's waiting several more months if it means that we have a greater chance of lasting for several decades?... Or at least that's what I'm telling myself to maintain my sanity.

According to H. Norman Wright, the author of 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged, more than half of all engaged couples don't make it to the altar and about half of marriages end in divorce. That means that when a woman accepts a proposal, there's a 75% chance that she will not be spending her life with her fiance. Scary, huh?

This is why Lu and I decided to be strategic about our preparation for marriage spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. I suppose the pre-engagement period is different for every couple. However, for Lu and I, it started several months ago when we stopped laughing off the question, "So when are you two going to get married?!"

This isn't to say that we hadn't thought about marriage seriously before this point. In fact, shortly into our official relationship, we had a frank discussion of what we expected from the relationship and each other. While our expectations of each other have continued to evolve, what we expected of the relationship remained consistent: We were not dating for fun or [just] because we were physically attracted to each other, we were dating because we believed God brought us together for a greater purpose.

Was this purpose marriage? We didn't know. We just knew that neither of us wanted to start a serious relationship with someone that didn't at least have marriage potential. In fact, after building such a strong friendship over several months, we recognized that we were taking a risk by adding the "boyfriend/girlfriend" title.

Looking back makes me even more convinced that Lu is truly my soul mate and a complement to my life. He sees the big picture, while I focus on the details. He always looks for the silver lining, while I take care of the rain plan. When one of us is down, the other puts their needs aside to lift them up. Even when we cook together, I'm in charge of the seasoning, while he takes care of the chopping! Simply stated: We are better together than we are apart.

There's also an openness and a comfort to our relationship that I've never experienced before. We can talk about everything (except proposal plans, of course). Not only can I be myself around him, but I trust him enough to allow my vulnerabilities to show. For a "modern" woman who prides herself on her independence, that's not easy. However, it's become natural because he's my best friend.

Now that I've elicited some reaction from you (a smile, an "awwww," an eye roll from the bitter folks), how does this relate to pre-engagement? Pre-engagement started at the point where we believed that marriage was in God's plans for our future, and we decided to take a thoughtful approach.

Step 1: We prayed and opened our hearts to hearing from God.

Step 2: Then, like the good PhD students we are, we decided to do some research. We scoured the library (i.e. Amazon) and decided to read Before You Get Engaged by David Gudgel and to work through 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright. We also thought that now would be a good time to do a daily devotional that was specifically geared towards couples, so we picked up the aptly named Devotions for Dating Couples by Samuel Adams and Ben Young.

Step 3: After a few weeks, we started letting our family and friends know about our plans. Although the decision is ultimately between us and God, we decided it would be helpful to talk to those who know us best and couples who have been in our shoes before.

Step 4: Finally, we've started counseling with leaders in our church. Yes, we are doing pre-marital counseling before we are engaged. In our eyes, God knew that we were going to be together before we were even born. If our marriage is meant to be, then putting an engagement ring on my finger is less of a promise and more of a public announcement of what's already been ordained to happen. (Thanks, Pastor Barb!) Before we get swept away in the warm wishes and wedding planning, we want to have a clear vision for our marriage.

Does this take the romance out of our engagement and the fantasy out of our wedding? Not at all. Investing this time up front has made me more excited to have Jeremy as a partner for life. I feel peace and happiness, instead of anxiety or distress.

I'll continue to post about the counseling sessions and the books, and I hope that others will take advantage of resources available to them. Let's be a part of the 25% that make it to forever!