~* Ash *~
Lu and I just came from our first pre-marital counseling session, and it was great! We talked with our advisors about our expectations for marriage and the development of our relationship.
Our discussion stemmed from the Great Expectations Survey in Preparing for Marriage that we filled out prior to the session. The survey itself was pretty exhaustive. It discussed illusions vs. the reality of married life, as well as our views on our marital relationship, finances, home, housekeeping, children and parenting, socializing and entertaining, spiritual life, holidays/vacations/special occasions, parents and other relatives, and sex.
Needless to say, we didn't cover all of those topics. In the hour and a half that we met, we discussed a grand total of two questions:
1) How do you expect to make decisions after you are married?
2) How much time do you expect to spend with each other and with friends after marriage?
From those two questions, we discussed making big and small decisions, communication, how we handle disagreements, negotiating, pride, making our relationship a safe space, spending time together, our relationships with friends and families and how they viewed our relationship, what we observed in our parents' relationships, and our friendship.
We'd been through enough situations to give concrete examples of conflicts that had both positive and negative outcomes. We could also identify different phases in our friendship and dating relationship where we experienced obvious growth as we learned more about each other and about "us."
Listening to Lu and reflecting upon our relationship made me realize just how far we'd come. We have had some ups and downs, minor bumps, and major potholes; however, we keep evolving. What's made the difference for us is that we don't just go for the quick fix and move on. We put time and effort into dissecting the root of our issues. At one point, we even broke up for a month because we each needed to work on things individually before we were able to make progress as a couple.
This process can be frustrating and annoying, but it has enabled us to work through those lingering reservations and excess baggage that we brought into our relationship. We've been able to learn how to effectively communicate with each other to develop a plan for how to move forward. More importantly, we actually follow through and make deliberate steps toward making our relationship stronger.
We aren't naive. We aren't bitter. We've metaphorically checked our baggage, and I must admit that I was pretty proud of us tonight.
Our discussion stemmed from the Great Expectations Survey in Preparing for Marriage that we filled out prior to the session. The survey itself was pretty exhaustive. It discussed illusions vs. the reality of married life, as well as our views on our marital relationship, finances, home, housekeeping, children and parenting, socializing and entertaining, spiritual life, holidays/vacations/special occasions, parents and other relatives, and sex.
Needless to say, we didn't cover all of those topics. In the hour and a half that we met, we discussed a grand total of two questions:
1) How do you expect to make decisions after you are married?
2) How much time do you expect to spend with each other and with friends after marriage?
From those two questions, we discussed making big and small decisions, communication, how we handle disagreements, negotiating, pride, making our relationship a safe space, spending time together, our relationships with friends and families and how they viewed our relationship, what we observed in our parents' relationships, and our friendship.
We'd been through enough situations to give concrete examples of conflicts that had both positive and negative outcomes. We could also identify different phases in our friendship and dating relationship where we experienced obvious growth as we learned more about each other and about "us."
Listening to Lu and reflecting upon our relationship made me realize just how far we'd come. We have had some ups and downs, minor bumps, and major potholes; however, we keep evolving. What's made the difference for us is that we don't just go for the quick fix and move on. We put time and effort into dissecting the root of our issues. At one point, we even broke up for a month because we each needed to work on things individually before we were able to make progress as a couple.
This process can be frustrating and annoying, but it has enabled us to work through those lingering reservations and excess baggage that we brought into our relationship. We've been able to learn how to effectively communicate with each other to develop a plan for how to move forward. More importantly, we actually follow through and make deliberate steps toward making our relationship stronger.
We aren't naive. We aren't bitter. We've metaphorically checked our baggage, and I must admit that I was pretty proud of us tonight.
