A few months ago, I counted down the best and worst wedding reality shows. However, there is a new winner in the worst category: Bridalplasty.

Remember that show a few years ago, The Swan? They chose women who were physically unattractive and emotionally insecure to get extreme "holistic" makeovers (i.e. total body plastic surgery, cosmetic dentistry, and therapy).

Once the participants felt good about themselves -- often for the first time in their lives, they had to compete in a beauty pageant against other former "ugly ducklings."

Yep, pretty screwed up.

The Swan Pageant

Believe it or not, Bridalplasty was worse than that. It's like The Swan, Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, Survivor, and The Bachelor all rolled up into one ball of moral bankruptcy.  I've watched this show like a train wreck for a few months, and the only good thing about it is that it's finally over.

Bridalplasty, hosted by a former Miss USA, featured 12 women on a quest to become the "perfect" bride. Each week, the women participated in a wedding-related challenge involving their vows, their dress, sex, honesty with their fiancé, compatibility with their mother-in-law, or some other matrimonial issues. At the end of the challenge, three bottom brides would be at risk of leaving the show.  The elimination ceremony consisted of the remaining brides RSVPing to the wedding of the bottom bride who they would like to see remain. The bride with the least RSVPs would leave.

Along the way, brides would add items to their bridal closet. The top designers and headliners in the industry would come in and wow the women with cakes, jewelry, flowers, and dresses that would make even the most platinum of brides drool. At the end of the show, the winner would get to keep all of the items in her bridal closet and have her dream wedding.

Not so bad, but there's a twist. The brides were also trying to check items off of their plastic surgery "wish list."

In fact, the winner of each challenge was immediately whisked away to get one item of choice checked off (most women started with nose jobs and breast implants).  The winner of the show received all of the plastic surgery procedures on her list before the big day.

I'm not against cosmetic surgery, but the whole perception of needing it to be a "perfect bride" is just disgusting. In fact, the women were all beautiful before the competition started!  The sight of these gorgeous women fawning over contestants who came back to the mansion covered in bandages and drugged was sick. More than once, a runner-up cried, "Wow! That should've been me in the recovery room!"

No, this isn't after the surgeries: the "before" picture.

In fact, one contestant got kicked off because the other brides thought that she "just" wanted the wedding and the items on her plastic surgery wish list (nose job, breast implants, teeth whitening, botox, and filler for her upper lip) were too minor. Her back story? She and her fiancé had a quickie wedding so that her mother, who was diagnosed with cancer, could be there.

Another contestant, who ultimately won, was criticized for being negative and bitter. Her back story? She and her fiancé had already planned and canceled two weddings when they successively lost their jobs. They went from a big wedding and a secure future to barely being able to pay their electricity bills. I wouldn't exactly be Suzy Sunshine in that situation either.

Perfect bride?

The whole show glorified superficiality. Even the line that was said when the brides got kicked off was ridiculous, "Your wedding will still go on. It just won't be perfect."

Let's sum this up. Being the perfect bride means: 1) not being allowed to see my fiancé or my mother in the four months leading up to my wedding, 2) making critical detail decisions not with bridesmaids or friends, but with a planner who I just met, 3) living with and competing against whiny, back-stabbing bridezillas, and 4) going under the knife multiple times.

I spent the last four months before my wedding planning with Lu, having parties with friends and family, and finishing counseling with people who I respected.... I'm so glad I wasn't the perfect bride.

All images courtesy of Martin Studio Photography and video by 3 Blind Mice Productions.

It's officially been a month -- practically to the hour -- since Lu and I made our marriage covenant. Here's a video of the ceremony:



The first month of marriage has been fun! Romantic, humbling, a bit crazy at times... but what an amazing start to our journey. We each decided to share our top 5 lessons learned. We're sure there will be many, many more to come.

Val's Top 5

5) We have more in common than we thought, but Lu is definitely a guy.

We've bonded over learning to purposely cook lumpy cream of wheat (don't stir) and debating about the "best" Jelly Belly flavor -- fun, little quirks. However, some things I was not expecting from my sophisticated, intelligent, neat husband: he laughs when he passes gas loudly, loves "man" movies (Superbad, really?), and leaves the door open while doing #1 because it would be "rude" to interrupt our conversation. Hmmm, gotta love him.

4) It's easy to slip into "newlywed 15" habits.

Skipping the gym to cuddle for an extra hour, baking cookies and cobblers to make Lu smile, eating dinner at 9 pm, and don't get me started on the tapeworm in Lu's stomach! Eating every two hours may not affect him, but I've started to watch my waistline. So far, so good.

3) You CAN blend two styles -- and two closets -- into one condo.

Our place looks GREAT! Besides the decorating and rearranging, we've scoured home stores for creative storage idea. Everything (almost) has it's own bin, drawer, under-the-bed box, or basket.

2) Going to bed angry is pointless.

When you're not married, you can argue and not talk for a few days, or maybe even just break it off all together. When you're in it for the long-haul, it's not so easy to cut off someone who shares your bed, shower, office, and last name. Communication truly is key. We laughed when our counselors warned us about the "Why can't he/she read my mind?!" problem. It's real.

1) It's amazing knowing that I really have a BFF.

Best friends forever -- one month down, an eternity to go.

Lu's Top 5

5) Celibacy is worth it.

Married sex is amazing (it's a mind, body, spirit trifecta). There's no guilt, shame, or tarnished white robes (lol). Best of all married people openly talk about it -- especially church members! Every book on marriage that we have has at least one chapter devoted to sex, and one book is all about sex completely. Communication is important, but sex is right up there. In fact it's a perfect gauge of how well you communicate.

4) Selflessness is HARD!

You won't realize just how selfish you are until you get married. Praying together helps keep us on the same accord, but it's an adjustment to realize that nothing is about me anymore. It's all about us. Simply stated "I" no longer exist in vocabulary, whereas "us" and "we" get promoted to pronoun status.

3) You will spend more time in Bed, Bath, and Beyond than you ever have in your life.

At first, it was annoying when Val dragged me into Bed Bath and Beyond. Now I find myself looking at specs on humidifiers and researching vacuum cleaners. Don't sleep on the Shark. Yeah, it's purple; but it picks up everything.

2) A happy marriage = A happy wife

I could give you a mathematical proof for this, but it's best learned through experimental observation.

1) Marriage isn't an added responsibility. It's a lifestyle change.

Everything you do, or don't do for that matter, in some way, shape, form or fashion affects your wife and home. There's no clock to punch on this one. You're on call 24-7. No better yet you work the morning, day, night, and graveyard shifts...no holidays, paid leave, or sick leave. You work HR, accounting, marketing, and maintenance. And don't even think about a raise...in fact, it's like putting "return to sender" on your paychecks. Which leads me to best thing about marriage: the benefits. Yeah, you pour out a lot of yourself; but so does she. Why be selfish when there's someone who's willing to be selfless on your behalf? Marriage is like a marathon with no real end; stop focusing on the checkpoints, and enjoy the run.

Ahhh, it's my last "Wedding Sunday" as a single woman. Before I even met Lu, I was a wedding TV show junkie. WEtv fulfills my fetish every week by broadcasting hours of reality TV shows about weddings.

I've seen the good ones, the bad ones, and the ones that just shouldn't have even been made. (Um, anyone remember "My Big Redneck Wedding?" on CMT??)

Ironically, I haven't indulged in Wedding Sunday as often as I used to pre-engagement, and I don't even think all of these shows still come on; but here are the top five best and worst wedding series that I've seen:


Best Shows

5) A Wedding Story (TLC): This show follows a couple as they plan their wedding. Unlike most wedding shows, this one focuses a lot on the couple, which is really cool for me. Weddings are great, but after awhile, they all start to look the same. This show talks about how they met, their backgrounds, the culture/traditions behind their wedding, etc.



4) Amazing Wedding Cakes (WEtv): Couples come in to a bakeshop, talk about their dream wedding cake, and then the show follows the bakers as they design, bake, decorate, and deliver jaw-dropping wedding cakes. As the title conveys, these cakes are truly amazing -- big, bold, bright, even with mechanical features.




3) Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? (Style): This show is less about the couple and more about wedding planners, which is really fun. I have a not-so-secret desire to be a wedding coordinator and planner, so this is my equivalent to "shadowing."



2) My Fair Wedding (WEtv): Aahhh, David Tutera. I <3 David. He comes in three weeks before someone's mediocre (okay -- more like jacked up/ghetto/redneck/or what-the-heck-are-you-thinking) wedding and turns it into something magical. He's even turned a pirate-themed wedding into something classy. Amazing.




1) Rich Bride/Poor Bride (WEtv): As the budget wedding queen, this show has given me some really creative ideas. It takes a couple, follows them through the wedding planning process, and focuses on how they make decisions about what to save and what to splurge on for their big day. Throughout the show, there's the looming "mystery budget" that's revealed at the very end. The vast majority of couples go over budget -- some by a few hundred, some by several thousand. But it's really cool to see how far money can go in different parts of the country and what priorities people have for their wedding.



Worst Shows


5) Bulging Brides (WEtv): The show has a great concept. Start with a woman who either a) purposely bought her wedding gown too small with the unrealistic expectation of losing a lot of weight and/or b) is an emotional eater and gained a size or two before her wedding, then bring in a nutritionist and a personal trainer to get her on track six weeks before the wedding. However, this makes the worst list for three reasons: 1) predictable ending -- all the brides end up looking great on their wedding day, 2) basic advice -- no special tips or training, and 3) I want to see what they look like 6 months after the wedding when they're back on their own!





4) Perfect Proposal (TLC): This show follows men (and a few women) with planning the "perfect" way to propose to their significant other. It's really over the top, dramatic, and overripe banana mushy. It's a sweet show, but unrealistic and just too much... unless you're a die hard romantic, then you'd love it.


3) Bridezillas (WEtv): I have a love-hate relationship with this show. It's definitely a guilty pleasure to see other brides go crazy and say the things I sometimes want to say or throw the temper tantrums that would be totally amazing to have. However, at some point, you have to say, "Look. You're a grown woman. Act like it. Have some respect for yourself and everyone else around you."


2) Say Yes to the Dress (TLC): I understand that some people come from privileged backgrounds and can afford to drop the equivalent of a down payment on a house on a dress they'll wear once; but for the most part, these girls are willing to put their families into financial trouble to have their "perfect" princess wedding gown. And WORSE, the saleswomen are so commission-driven that it's sick. I've literally seen them roll their eyes when a bride wants to spend less than $3000 on her dress and/or tell a girl that the only dress that will work for her is a few thousand dollars more than her stated budget. It's just disgusting.


1) Platinum Weddings: Some of these weddings are platinum because of the cultures of the bride and groom -- inviting 300-400 of your friends and family to a weekend long event is going to cost in the hundreds of thousands. There's really no other option.... Others are wedding porn personified! A bride who spends $200,000 on roses (imported from Equador, of course) just to create a "carpet" of petals for an aisle?! Vomit.

And on that note, time to settle in for an afternoon/evening of WE Go Bridal!

I was flipping through radio stations in my car today -- yes, I still prefer the radio to an iPod in the car, and all of a sudden I heard Pat Benatar's 1983 classic "Love is a Battlefield."