Lu and I have had a stressful week. School has been overwhelming for him and underwhelming for me, which has put both of us in a "what am I doing with my life" funk.

Up until this point, we've alternated our bad moods. When he's not feeling so great, I can calm him down or cheer him up. When I don't have the best attitude, he can make me smile or ignore me until I realize how childish I'm being.


With both of us tired and short-tempered, the last few days were full of bickering, snippy remarks, the cold shoulder, and a few temper tantrums (embarrassing, but true). In the interest of keeping our married life at least semi-private, I'm not going to go into the full details. However, just know that newlywed life was not all blue skies and sunshine.

Sure, we'd had some disagreements before this point. It's usually a case of over/under-sensitivity and being oblivious about crossing "the" line until the damage is done. In this case, the offended expresses their hurt, the offender apologizes, the offended accepts, and we discuss what we both could have done better.

This time, both of us committed two, big marital no-nos: being selfish and stubborn.

We've already acknowledged just how hard it is to live in this world of "we," but the rewards outweigh the hardships.

Somehow, we didn't remember that this time. In our pouting and pot banging, we forgot that a prideful "me" never feels as good as a happy "us."


Thank God we were able to put our differences -- and egos -- aside before any serious damage was done to our marriage. In fact, we both ended up laughing when we made up:

"It's all my fault."

"No, it's my fault." 

"No, really. Blame me. I'm the one who screwed up."

"But I screwed up more. You really needed me to understand where you were coming from this time."

"You needed me. I'm the one that dropped the ball."

And of course, we were able to enjoy one of the parts of marriage that I totally underestimated: makeup lovin' followed by freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. Neither made up for our arguing, but what a way to get back on track!

I know that's a strange title for a blog post the day before my wedding, but it's completely accurate.

I probably shouldn't even be blogging the day before the wedding because I'm supposed to be relaxing. However, you guys know me: 1) When do I actually do what I'm "supposed to do" for the wedding?!; and 2) Blogging has kept me calm during this entire process. Why stop now?

Gettin' Fancy
My agenda for today includes getting everything "did," which means manicure, pedicure, facial waxing, body waxing, and a deep conditioning hair mask (with my style, I have NO idea how much gel my stylist will need tomorrow).  Ms. S and Ms. P flew in yesterday, so we're going to go to the nail salon together.

Another comment about what I'm supposed to do: I probably should be going to the spa. However, I'm picky about my eyebrows. I rarely get them done, so I want to make sure that they're right. If Mai (not being sarcastic, that's actually her name) has made me beautiful a dozen times before, then I'm going to stick with her regardless of where she works.

Eating Good
After all of my concern about my dress, I've actually dropped 4 more pounds since my "perfect" fitting a few weeks ago. You guessed it: busy, stressed, not eating. :-/

However, it's kind of cool because my wedding gown is longer now, meaning I was able to trade in my fun orange shoes for some sexy burgundy peep toe pumps that I found three days ago at David's Bridal of all places -- really am starting to get the warm fuzzies for David's.

To make a long story [as] short [as possible], I went to try on my dress for the final time and get my last press, saw the shoes, loved them, but they were and inch taller than the shoes my dress was hemmed for, tried them on anyway, the hem was perfect with the extra few pounds gone, but only two stores in the country had the size/color combo I wanted, one happened to be in Maryland along the route I was driving back, put them on hold Tuesday, went to pick them up on Wednesday, turns out someone had held shoes that had already been purchased, but they had another pair of size 6 beauties in the back, tried them on, they fit wonderfully, and now my shoes look like this:
As trite as this sounds, I think these shoes are a blessing from God. As soon as we picked our wedding colors, I began scouring the internet for burgundy peep toe pumps with no luck. Then I went to David's Bridal after my dress was altered to get a bustle added, and they just happened to get in the exact shoes I've been looking for a week before my wedding, one of the two stores in the country that had my size/color is along my route home, and they had 2 pairs?! That's just too many coincidences for me. I really think God knows how much this day has been weighing on me, and He wanted to give me one last sign that everything -- even my shoes -- will fall into place.

But I digress majorly, today I will be eating. Not a ton of food, but I've dropped almost 10 pounds since my freak out in July without really trying that hard.... I was supposed to lose no more than 5 pounds. Oops. At least the shoes were a super bonus!

Feeling Frogs
Several people have asked me if I'm excited about the wedding, so I made up a metaphor for how I feel. When Lu and I first started dating, I felt butterflies. Constant flutters in my stomach whenever I saw him, talked about him, or even thought about him. Lu gave me butterflies like no man ever had in my life.

Now that it's the day before the wedding, the butterflies have been replaced by frogs. Instead of a constant flutter, I get random leaps of excitement.

Since I know that God wants this marriage to happen and Lu and I are meant to be, I'm not nervous. I'm just hanging out on my lily pad perfectly calm, and then someone will say something like, "Do you realize that you'll be Mrs. Brown in less than 48 hours? Hours?!" Then I'll do a happy dance.

Literally.

My dance is more like this spastic, shoulder-jerk-foot-shuffle-hip-thrust-jazz-hands reaction that my body has taken to busting out with whenever it really hits me that the wedding is here.... As long as I don't do that tomorrow at the altar (in my gorgeous shoes), I'll be fine!

And this really is my last pre-wedding post. A. Reid is signing off forever.... Catch you next time as Mrs. Brown!

Lu and I are not runners. We'll spin, swim, swing dance, and lift weights... just not run.

Looking back at older posts, I've realized that this blog has been pretty "happy." Sure, I've shared my concerns about various parts of preparing for marriage and planning for a wedding; but overall, it's seemed like the engagement process has been one big vat of cotton candy..... And that's not the case.

Although we're not allowed to get too far into wedding planning, our counselors understand that getting married in a different state requires a bit of forethought and allowed us to set up meetings to visit different reception facilities on our upcoming trip to Maryland.

It turns out that we didn't even have to go through the entire process because there was only one venue that fit all of our seemingly-simple criteria: beautiful location (bonus points if it fit the vintage theme), great staff, reasonable price (under $10,000), and ability to work with a bride and groom 600 miles away!

This is my account of my best and worst experiences. Keep in mind, this is what I experienced simply trying to request more information and set up appointments. Imagine what the wedding planning process would be like -- for better or for worse!

I’m writing this post on the train back from Chicago where I presented a paper at a major conference in my academic discipline. Lu is back in Michigan studying for final exams. We take our roles as budding scholars seriously and have been blessed to attend a university that’s ranked high in both of our fields… for now. What happens when we finish?

Lu and I just came from our first pre-marital counseling session, and it was great! We talked with our advisors about our expectations for marriage and the development of our relationship.

Our discussion stemmed from the Great Expectations Survey in Preparing for Marriage that we filled out prior to the session.  The survey itself was pretty exhaustive. It discussed illusions vs. the reality of married life, as well as our views on our marital relationship, finances, home, housekeeping, children and parenting, socializing and entertaining, spiritual life, holidays/vacations/special occasions, parents and other relatives, and sex.


Needless to say, we didn't cover all of those topics. In the hour and a half that we met, we discussed a grand total of two questions:

1) How do you expect to make decisions after you are married?

2) How much time do you expect to spend with each other and with friends after marriage?

From those two questions, we discussed making big and small decisions, communication, how we handle disagreements, negotiating, pride, making our relationship a safe space, spending time together, our relationships with friends and families and how they viewed our relationship, what we observed in our parents' relationships, and our friendship.

We'd been through enough situations to give concrete examples of conflicts that had both positive and negative outcomes. We could also identify different phases in our friendship and dating relationship where we experienced obvious growth as we learned more about each other and about "us."

Listening to Lu and reflecting upon our relationship made me realize just how far we'd come. We have had some ups and downs, minor bumps, and major potholes; however, we keep evolving. What's made the difference for us is that we don't just go for the quick fix and move on. We put time and effort into dissecting the root of our issues. At one point, we even broke up for a month because we each needed to work on things individually before we were able to make progress as a couple.

This process can be frustrating and annoying, but it has enabled us to work through those lingering reservations and excess baggage that we brought into our relationship. We've been able to learn how to effectively communicate with each other to develop a plan for how to move forward. More importantly, we actually follow through and make deliberate steps toward making our relationship stronger.

We aren't naive. We aren't bitter.  We've metaphorically checked our baggage, and I must admit that I was pretty proud of us tonight.

 I have a secret.... I'm a little scared of my own wedding. Not the vows or the forever part, but the fact that I won't be either a) a girly-girl romantic with no regard for financial constraints or b) a Bridezilla.

Theoretically, it doesn't make sense that I'm worried about being a fairly normal person as I approach my wedding. However, I've realized that the wedding industry doesn't really do well with practicality. If I have deep pockets, outrageous requests, or a "vision" of my big day, then they're equipped to handle anything I can throw at them. If I have a general theme with fairly flexible expectations and a moderate budget that I'm actually determined to stick to, then I'll probably get some weird looks and head scratching.

You're probably wondering where this post is coming from. Why am I so worried about the planning process when I haven't even gotten engaged? Well, I made the mistake of registering for The Knot a few weeks ago.

Originally, this didn't seem like a mistake. The website has lots of really helpful tips and tools to help plan a wedding. You can check items off of your customized to do list, organize your guest list, manage your budget, create a personalized website about your big day, brush up on wedding etiquette, and chat with thousands of other brides-to-be about the questions and concerns you have about the planning process.

The Knot also has about a million articles about and pictures of everything you'd ever want to know related to weddings: bridal gowns, bridesmaids dresses, tuxedos, centerpieces, hairstyles, ceremony decorations, DIY projects, and local vendors. It has provided a wealth of information to make the wedding planning process easier and more organized. I feel confident that I can plan the wedding of my dreams with their help.

Nonetheless, The Knot also has something else that I didn't take into account: sponsors. Not only do I get daily emails from The Knot; but since I've registered, I've been spammed with "sweepstakes" for photography, bachelorette parties, tux rentals, invitations, etc. On top of that, I've realized that if you register for anything, you get linked to an entirely new set of wedding vendors and their advertisements.

In the two weeks since I've registered, I've started getting about five wedding-related emails each day, as well as post cards in the mail congratulating me and inviting me to check out various venues and all things wedding-related.  All of this despite the fact that I clearly indicated on my registration sheet that I wasn't engaged yet!

Again, if I were the girly-girl or Bridezilla, this wouldn't be a big deal. I might even enjoy all of the time, attention, and options that I'll have. All of these people who are willing to make my dreams come true... for a nominal fee.

Let's be real. I studied economics and business in college. I know all about supply and demand and profit motive.  I can barely deal with car salesmen. All that haggling and negotiation stresses me out... and that's when I'm armed with a blue book value, a dozen other dealers with the same make and model for comparison, and the expectation that I'll likely come back in a few to several years for a trade-in.

Most wedding vendors are like car salesmen on meth. Not only does everyone offer a "unique" service, these people really have no loyalty to me. While most real-world companies are based on building a reputation and encouraging customers to return, the wedding business is the opposite. My wedding is their one-shot opportunity to milk me for all I'm worth.

Of course, they'll do it with a smile, but high emotions can send profits through the roof. Even the marketing itself is pretty hilarious and obviously meant to incite emotion. Phrases like "your magical day," "all of this can be yours for only [some overpriced amount]," and -- my personal favorite -- "memories are priceless" are liberally used on every piece of propaganda that I get.

Quite frankly, the wedding industry is not meant to handle logical brides. I know I'll face confusion at best and snobbery at worst.  However, I'm confident that there are a few down-to-earth vendors out there, who truly love what they do and can work with a practical bride on a budget.... I'm just praying that when the time comes to plan, I'll be able to find them.

I came across this video a few years ago, and I still find it absolutely hilarious!... It's extremely cliche, but how many people do you know that are actually living this life? Personally, I can name a dozen, or several. Happy Saturday!