Over the last few weeks, I've had some friends send me an article entitled, "36 Things Every Single Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down" by Erin Meanley, a blogger for Glamour. Their next question is something like, "Soo, have you checked everything off??"1. Go to a movie alone.

2. Lift weights. When I bench-press 45 lbs., I feel like the bomb.

3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don’t already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle.

4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase.

5. Live alone, or at least move apartments in NYC without the help of family.

6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.

7. Go to a scary doctor’s appointment by yourself. I once dragged myself to a CAT Scan in the dead of winter, all the way over on 1st Ave., post-break-up. I felt like I had balls of steel.

8. Quit your job. It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood).

9. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. I was nervous on my first solo trip to Europe, even though I almost always have to travel alone.

10. Learn to stand up for yourself. (If you’re not naturally assertive, may I recommend moving to New York City? It did wonders for me.)

To Be Able to Look Back and Say “I Had Fun”…

11. Witness something once-in-a-lifetime, like Jokulsarlon, a lake next to a melting glacier in Iceland (see photo).

12. Revel in being able to watch all the reality TV you want. I’m pretty sure no man will be able to stand as much Bravo TV as my roommate Erica.

13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend Santacon, the convention for santas, or similar.

14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.

15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

To Get Perspective…

17. Be a good wingwoman. It’s not always about you.

18. Chill with your widowed and single grandma. She knows “alone”!

19. Volunteer.

To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy…

20. Do at least one Valentine’s Day alone.

21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.

22. Date the creeps. You’ll really value the nice guys afterward.

To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive…

23. Buy yourself some flowers.

24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos.

25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.

26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

To Make the Most of Your Free Time…

27. Finish all your schooling if you can. Not that it was ever my goal to go to grad school, but I did, and it would’ve been tough dragging a guy up to isolated New Hampshire and making him sit there in the cold for two years while I studied (and partied).

28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language. You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college.

To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future…

29. Make a list of all your faults.

30. Learn to cook well. I’m still working on this.

31. Get some hobbies. Something’s gotta keep you occupied—plus it’ll make you seem interesting.

32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. My dear friend Cheryl has caught a few doozies.

33. Get your finances in order.

To Appreciate Being Single…

34. Babysit someone’s baby for an hour.

35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.

36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other.

Through this week-ish, I've written all about the ups and downs of finding, purchasing, and altering my dress. So what's left?.... The fun part: accessories!

Lu and I are having a vintage-themed wedding, and our colors are yellow, burgundy, and orange. Needless to say, I was able to get a little creative with my accessories.

However, keep in mind, there's a fine line between "creative" and "costume." The dress, or dresses in my case, are the still the key to my bridal look. Everything else that I wear has to complement the dresses. If not, it'll just look like I tried too hard... and possibly failed.

I decided to keep it simple and classic, yet fun and funky, with the following accessories:

Jewelry: Classic diamonds and pearls earrings, necklace, and bracelet -- not too big or with a whole lot of bling, just a little sparkle

Veil: I originally wasn't going to wear one, but I ended up purchasing a short blusher veil to stick on the back of my head for the ceremony. (Yes, the blusher's supposed to be worn in the front, but who can tell the difference?) Then I fell in love with a vintage birdcage style veil with a feather fascinator.

Thanks for your input on the honeymoon! Please feel free to keep the comments and votes coming. :-)

Back to my wedding dress lessons: There are a lot of similarities between the process of finding "the one" in a wedding gown and finding "the one" in a man.

1) Style/Type: The search typically starts with looking for certain physical qualities. Be it a ball gown, a mermaid dress, or a class a-line, every bride is looking for a certain style of dress... as well as a certain type of man. You know, the checklist qualities, "He should be this height, this build, with that type of education, and this type of job...."

Also like the dress, many women -- whether on their own or prodded by well-meaning family and friends -- will try on many dresses and interact with many men who are different. Sometimes, they end up with what they were looking for and other times, something they hadn't even considered will end up being a better option.

2) Chemistry: You have to have that gut feeling that this is it. At a certain age, most women begin to think that butterflies don't exist or that butterflies won't help them find a good man. You can have a great guy, but if the chemistry isn't there, there's no point in pursuing it. You will regret the relationship and waste your time. It's the same thing with the dress, you have to feel beautiful. I don't care if it's the right designer, the right price, and your mom has tears in her eyes -- if you don't like it, then you never will.

Granted, sometimes you'll have chemistry with a man who's no good or a dress that could be the down payment on you future home. That's why you have to look at other characteristics, such as...

3) Fit: The most basic criteria, and the one that is commonly overlooked in the beginning. If a dress doesn't fit your body or a man doesn't fit your lifestyle, then you either have to give it up or be prepared to work to make it work. You may have to spend hours in the gym (or chatting on the phone and computer), hundreds of dollars in alterations (or cross-county flights), or sacrifice something else (the cake of your dreams or living in a certain city) to make things manageable. For some, the results are worth it. For most, it's just a lot easier to find something else.

In an ideal situation, there's a compromise. One of Lu's best qualities is that he's versatile. In high school, I was a cheerleader, and I got straight As. I was a fierce competitor in both mock trial and at step team competitions. I was in the National Honor Society, cooking club, and I also dabbled a bit in theater, track, and tennis. Basically, I never really fit into a box. I was more interested in sampling a bunch of different activities than upholding one stereotype. I wasn't a jock, a nerd, a theater geek.... I was just me, and I found someone who was just as wonderfully undefinable.

Unfortunately, the dress wasn't so versatile. As beautiful as my dress is, Lu and I have decided to swing dance during our reception. We've been taking lessons, and I needed a dress that's a little shorter to show off my fancy footwork and my fun shoes. Sooo, I'll be doing a costume change and slipping into a dress like this for the reception:


4) Comfort: After you tackle any issues dealing with fit, there's the realization that this dress or this relationship isn't just a snapshot in time. Take my dress for example, after wearing it for 5-10 minutes in the store (I didn't want to take it off), I realized that I wasn't fully exhaling. Even though it was a great fit initially, it wouldn't be completely comfortable until I lost a few pounds or an inch from my waist.

To be totally honest, my relationship with Lu had that same semi-suffocating effect in the beginning. Once we were officially together, we were always together, or video-chatting, or talking on the phone. To go from totally single to attached at the hip made me question how comfortable I was with a relationship.

The chemistry was amazing, the fit was great, but there were some adjustments that had to be made for us to work in the long-run. For Lu, we've learned how to give each other space. For my dress, I've been pushing it a bit harder in the gym!

5) Approval: Once you're totally enamored with a man (or have spent 5 minutes doing a silent, happy dance in the dressing room), you have to face reality: your family and friends. Approval is tough because you want others to be as excited as you are. Usually there's a combination of excitement, skepticism, or sometimes outright criticism that comes with the approval process. Since you never know how others are going to react, then this can be a bit daunting.

However, the first time I brought both Lu and my dress home, they were both an immediate hit.

.... And now we come to decision time. Everyone reacts to making that final commitment a bit differently. Some people snatch up what they want right away and refuse to let it go, some need time to think about it, and still others run away in search of something better -- only to find that they just keep coming back to the same place.

For me, it was easy. Once everything lined up, I snatched up Lu and my dress(es) and have no plans on looking back.

I'm interrupting my "Journey to the Dress" series because Lu and I need some serious honeymoon help. We've narrowed our choices down to three extremely different experiences, but we're having a tough time committing to one.

Lu and I love to travel, and we really want to do something special for our honeymoon that's both romantic and memorable. Since we're not going on our "official" honeymoon until February at the earliest (our first few days of wedded bliss will be at a secluded bed and breakfast), we thought we'd have time to choose. But, of course, all three destinations are having amazing specials right now for early 2011 booking!

Here are the pros and cons of each. You can read them before you vote, or you can just participate in the poll. Either way, we'd really appreciate your votes, comments, or both!

 Where Should We Go??

• 
  
  Mediterranean Cruise ($11,500)


• 
  
  Moroccan Tour ($6,000)


• 
  
  Carribbean All-Inclusive ($2,000-5,000)

view results
Free vote poll

Honeymoon 1: Luxury All-Inclusive Cruise from Athens, Greece to Venice, Italy ($11,500)

Pros:
-- This is literally the "dream" honeymoon Lu and I talked about a few years ago, and we'd be visiting some of the top spots in the Mediterranean.
-- All of our luxury accommodations would be paid for up front from flights, to our suite with personal veranda on the cruise, to food and drinks, to shore excursions (not just typical tours, but wine tasting, cooking classes, hiking trips, etc.), and all surcharges at half the regular price.
-- Neither of us has been to Europe.
-- We'd get the perfect combination of relaxation, adventure, and Lu would get to add some gorgeous pictures to his portfolio.

Cons:
-- Even though we're getting a half-price special, it's still an $11,000 honeymoon (about $5,500 each).
-- We'd have to wait until next May to take the cruise.
-- Lu's going to Istanbul, Turkey next June for a conference. I could join him over there, and since his flight and hotel will be paid for, we'd only have to worry about my travel. Once we're in Turkey, it's really easy and affordable to hop over to Greece and Italy. It won't be an all-inclusive luxury cruise, but it'd still be gorgeous.



Bottom Line: Between buying a home, starting jobs, and having kids, this is truly a once-in-a-lifetime (or at least once in the next 40 years) vacation for us. We've saved enough to pay for the cruise up front and still be debt-free, but we'd totally exhaust our savings. Do we want to start our life together with no nest egg?

Honeymoon #2: Personal Tour of Morocco ($6,000)

Pros:
-- Morocco's Imperial Cities (Fez, Meknes, Marrakesh, and Rabat -- plus a stop in Casablanca) have a little bit of everything: architecture, history, markets, beaches, and great city life.
-- The country's exotic and would be totally different from anything we've experienced.
-- We'd have a local tour guide taking us to areas off the beaten path for regular tourists.
-- The price for flights is reasonable, and the cost of living is a lot less. We'd get to stay in gorgeous hotels, riads, and kasbahs for a fraction of what we'd pay in the US.

Cons:
-- It's not all-inclusive, and it's going to take a lot more planning than the other trips.
-- Our tour company is only a few years old. They're knowledgeable and professional, but not extremely established.
-- My French isn't what it used to be, so there will be somewhat of a language barrier.
-- Even though the experience is amazing and the hotels are beautiful, we'll spend tons of time riding from city to city in a 4x4 with our tour guide -- not exactly my idea of romance.


Bottom Line: We definitely want to visit Morocco at some point. It's exciting and affordable, but for our honeymoon? We're not so sure.

Honeymoon #3: All-Inclusive Caribbean Resort ($2000-5000)

Pros:
-- We'd get to relax on beautiful Caribbean beaches with white sand and clear blue water.
-- Many companies have adults-only, all-inclusive packages. Sandals resorts even include scuba diving and golf.
-- Most resorts have great reputations and tons of experience with honeymooners.
-- If we stick to the lower end of our budget (which is definitely doable), then we can save more than enough money to do the European country-hopping I wrote about above.

Cons:
-- We've already been to the Caribbean twice.
-- If we go to a different country, we want to see and do more than visit an Americanized resort.
-- This won't be a unique experience. Even though we'd be taking a "honeymoon style" vacation, there are tons of resorts that cater to families that we could visit later down the road.



Bottom Line: You can't beat the luxury you get for the price in the Caribbean, but many places have the same style. We could try an island that's a little more distinctive -- maybe Antigua, St. Lucia, or Costa Rica. We can also purchase off-resort excursions. While we'd definitely keep some padding in our bank account, we don't want our honeymoon to feel like a vacation that we've already taken.

Once upon a time, a woman only wore an ivory gown when she was... tainted (a "nice" way of saying pregnant, already had children, second marriage, etc.). In fact, it might cause a scandal if a woman otherwise presumed to be virginal wore something besides bright white on her wedding day.

In today's age, it's not uncommon for a bride to wear white to her second wedding, or for a first-time bride to wear ivory. Ivory is a softer color, and it's more flattering to most skin tones than white. All white can actually be quite stark.

Some brides even choose to stroll down the aisle in a white dress with a pop of color -- such as a sash -- that complements the wedding colors. At the extreme, a small but growing number of brides even decide to shock everyone with a bold red dress.

While white may be a sign of purity in the Western world, brighter colors are often the tradition in many Eastern cultures -- symbolizing good luck or future wealth and prosperity. Check out Red Hot Brides for more pictures of women who made the bold choice of wearing a colored dress.

When I was looking for a dress, one of the options that I was leaning toward (and even purchased but returned) was a beautiful ivory lace gown. However, the main reason that I had doubts had nothing to do with the outdated stigma associated with ivory.

The main problem with ivory is that it's just hard to match. Everything about weddings is centered around the color white. From the shirts and spectator shoes that the men in our bridal party are wearing, to the flowers in my bouquet, to the linens on our tables: White takes a co-starring role in most weddings.

Part of me wanted to just wear it anyway. It's close enough, right?

The answer is, "No!"

After talking to my photographer, it turns out that ivory really does show up as dingy when put next to pure white.... And I'm sure that all of my Spelman sisters can agree that the one girl that decided to wear a cream dress for her traditional attire during our first convocation stuck out like a sore thumb.

Me on April 11, 2006 (Class Day) at Spelman in my traditional white dress attire: white dress, flesh-toned stockings, black closed-toe shoes.

In the end, I decided to go with a white wedding dress. Despite all of the unique things that Lu and I are bringing to this wedding, tradition wins on this one.

** Wedding Porn Wednesday: Wedding Gown Style **

Since it is Wedding Porn Wednesday, I would be remiss if I didn't discuss some wedding gown porn. Besides being spammed by all sorts of bridal boutiques, here's some of the better porn that tempted even me:

1) The David's Bridal $99 sale: It lured me into the store twice -- enough said. No, that's not enough because I walked out both times with a great dress. Even though I returned the ivory dress, I was still definitely pleased with my experience.

2) Free Stuff: At some boutiques, they'll offer you free veils, shoes, undergarments, etc. if you buy a dress. Since these accessories can rack up to several hundred dollars purchased separately, it's definitely worth checking out these deals.

3) Running of the Brides at Filene's Basement: The ultimate example of what the wedding industry can do to otherwise normal women. One store + One day + 1700 designer wedding gowns for 70-90% off (i.e. $10,000 dresses selling for $249) + hundreds of "teams" of bridesmaids, moms, etc. = Mayhem!!... But mayhem that's supposed to be really fun. If you're getting married soon, the Chicago event is on Friday, DC's in July 30, and Boston and Cleveland are having their sales at the end of August.

As the familiar jingle proclaims, "You'll love David's Bridallll!"

With over 300 locations nationwide and one-third of brides (about 750,000 women each year) purchasing their gowns from David's, you'd think this would be true. Well, not so much.

In fact Denise and Alan Fields, co-authors of Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget, dedicate an entire chapter of their book to why they do not recommend the chain. According to the Fields', "We can't recommend any of our readers give David's their hard-earned money. We expect a market leader like David's to set an example for other bridal retailers when it comes to customer service and satisfaction... instead, the chain sets new lows for the industry."

Ouch.

I've gotten a lot of great tips from Bridal Bargains, so I totally crossed David's off of my list of wedding gown retailers to visit. That is, until I heard the familiar jingle followed by four magic words, "It's the $99 sale!"

The Fields' warned that the $99 sale is one of David's scams to lure you in to the store, but with a location less than a mile from my condo, there was no harm in seeing what they had to offer. Right?

To make a long story short, I called up Ms. N to meet me at David's to check out the $99 sale. About an hour later, I walked out with my wedding dress.... A month later, not totally convinced that my dress was "the" dress, I called Ms. L to meet me at David's (for another $99 sale) and left with a dress that I absolutely love!

Two trips to David's Bridal, and I spent $200 + tax on two gorgeous dresses that initially cost $750 each.


To match up my experiences with the David's Bridal gripes listed in Bridal Bargains:

1) Spam, spam, spam!: Yes, you do have to "register" with David's Bridal. They will email you every day and pass out your information to other vendors.... Unless you tell them to keep your information confidential and unsubscribe from their email list. I did both, and I'm spam-less.

2) Trashed gowns: David's bridal used to be totally off-the-rack. However, given the damage and make-up stains on some of the dresses, you can now special order your dress. The problem is that they have a reputation for getting orders wrong. Since it can take 2-3 months to get in a dress, you want it to be right!.... I found a dress off-the-rack in my size with a few tiny stains, and I asked them to clean it for me. They did so with no problem.

3) Service, or lack thereof: I had outstanding service at David's. However, I came in with a mission: "I only want to see $99 dresses. Here's my checklist. What can you offer me?"

I admit that I was prepared for attitudes. When I'd visited other boutiques and told them I didn't want to spend over $1000, I noticed the level of treatment drop exponentially. With David's Bridal already having a bad rep for service, I was ready for the worst.

Instead, I got a great consultant who showed me several gowns. I didn't stick to my $99-only rule, and I ended up wavering between a gown that was $99 and one that was $600. Despite her commission, the consultant told me that the $99 gown was more flattering.

With that being said, service may be place and/or time dependent. I went to a store in Ann Arbor in the early-afternoon on a weekday in May. Try going on the Saturday right after New Year's Eve (ahh, the good ol' NYE proposals) in a big city, and you might have a problem.

4) Ethics: The book claims that the $99 sale is a scam to lure people into the store. In actuality (supposedly), David's Bridal only has a few gowns for $99 in terrible condition and in odd sizes. Once they get you in there, they'll try to steer you to the most expensive gown, toss in a few hundred dollars worth of accessories, and rip you off on shoddy over-priced alterations.... As I stated above, I found -- not one -- but two gorgeous dresses at the $99 sale. As far as alterations, I only need my dress hemmed and will be that done somewhere else.

To be fair to the authors, I can see where they're coming from. The opinions in their book are largely based on personal research and emails from brides and brides-to-be. Like most reviews, people only comment if they've had a terrific experience or a horrible one.

David's Bridal isn't going to bring out the champagne for you. If a bride has a so-so or even a really good experience, then you're probably not going to hear about it. On the other hand, if a store screws up someone's wedding dress a few weeks before the wedding?? That can be an entire book in itself!... Get a few of those negative letters, and David's Bridal goes on the D-list.

Despite David's Bridal being hit or miss, there are still a number of reasons to give them a shot:

• The gowns are beautiful... even if they're designer knock-offs. On your wedding day, people are going to notice the expression on your face, not the designer of your gown. A happy bride in a $99 gown is much more beautiful than an unhappy bride in a gown worth $20k.

• They're here to stay. We're in a recession, and a lot of pricey boutiques have had to close their doors because people just aren't able to spend the money they used to on gowns. What happens to the special orders? Most brides-to-be usually get a refund... some do not.

• They have a pretty decent exchange policy. Although David's Bridal will tell you that their dresses are final sale, you have up until the day of your wedding to exchange your gown. I didn't know this until after I bought my second gown. With two wedding dresses in my place, I was desperate to get rid of the second. I took it to the store not expecting much, especially since it was on super-clearance, but they gave me store credit..... The catch was that I had to use it the same day, so I ran around the store and got shoes, jewelry, a veil, some hair pins, and a cute book for Lu and me to read. A week later, I realized that the shoes were uncomfortable, and I really didn't need the hair pins. I was able to exchange my exchange for something that I liked.
  

I didn't get everything at David's Bridal. However, the total for my entire wedding day attire, which I'll elaborate on throughout the week, including: ceremony dress, reception dress, all accessories (traditional veil, birdcage veil, shoes, purse, jewelry, and garter), alterations, and the associated shipping and taxes rings in at under $450.

I went alone on my first trip to the bridal boutique. On subsequent trips, I went with Ms. L and Ms. N, but I wanted to see what I was getting into on my own before I brought anyone else with me.

The initial conversation with your bridal gown consultant is deceivingly simple:

"HI!! Congratulations! Wow! Your ring is beautiful! Sooo, let's get started!... What kind of dresses do you like, and what size do you wear?"

"Thanks! Um, I think I want something fitted through the waist and a little poofy on the bottom."

"Uh-huh, a princess ball gown."

"Well, I guess. But not too big."

"I totally agree! You're a little short, so we want to keep you balanced. Strapless?"

"I don't know. I feel like everyone wears strapless dresses, so I want something different. Besides, we're doing a vintage theme --"

"Niiice! You could do gloves. Oh! And a tiara.... That'd make it much more classic."

Classic princess ball gown with gloves and a tiara -- like Cinderella?! Nope. Let's get this back on track.




"No. That's a bit too 'princess-y' for me. Let's scratch the poofy. How about something a-line? I'll try strapless, but I think I'd prefer something with straps and maybe a few halters?"

"We can definitely do that! I really think strapless would look great with your long neck. I didn't mean that in a bad way, of course. Long necks are really graceful.... Okay. I think I've got it! How about a mermaid dress?? You've got the curves for it, and they're so hot right now. What size are you?"

Great. I went from Cinderella to Ariel. And wasn't she listening to me? We're doing a vintage wedding. The whole point is for me not to wear something that's "hot right now."

Breathe, Ashley. You're not getting anything today. This is trip one. Just go with the flow.

"I'm a size 4."

"Is that your real size or your wedding size? [*recognizing the confused look on my face*] Wedding dresses usually run a bit small."

"That's my real size."

"Then I'll grab a variety of stuff -- some 4s, 6s, and maybe a few 8s and be back in a jif!"

Every girl dreams of walking down the aisle in her beautiful wedding gown.

The flowers, colors, and even the man in her wedding fantasies might change; but most women have an idea of what "their" dress is going to look like before they're even engaged.

Unfortunately, the journey to the right gown isn't always so smooth.

A few of you have asked, "When are we going to hear about the dress?!?!?!?"

I promise that I haven't been keeping you in the dark on purpose. I've been writing drafts about my wedding dress for a few months now, and they just kept going (and growing) as the saga continued.

Instead of making you read one super-post about the journey to the dress, I've decided to do a series dedicated to just the dress to share a few lessons I learned while shopping for my wedding gown.

I'll elaborate on each of these in detail, but to give you a preview:

• Lesson 1: I'm Not a Princess, a Mermaid, or a Size 4... Or Am I?
• Lesson 2: David's Bridal is Not the Devil
• Lesson 3: Off-White is Okay (Kinda)
• Lesson 4: It Has to Be the One... or Two
• Lesson 5: Striving for Perfection
  
• Lesson 6: Accessories Make the Ensemble

When Lu and I agreed to get the Platinum Package at the Atrium, I was really psyched. I remember telling my mom about what a great deal it was and how it would save us so much time and stress.