Note: Still waiting on the official wedding pictures. I'll continue my recap with the rehearsal dinner/rehearsal tomorrow.

On Saturday, I was truly blessed by a conference I attended at church called "Women In God Soar" (or WINGS -- gotta love acronyms). Sponsored by the United Sisters, this conference was just what I needed as I enter this transition period in my life emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

I left feeling empowered by not only the messages I received but by the overall spirit of being surrounded by a group of dynamic, Christian women. I was particularly touched by the two groups sessions that I attended: "Building Strong and Healthy Christian Marriages" and "Women in God Sore: Learning to Deal with People Who Have Failed You."

Oh, yeah. Deep topics.

Part of me wishes that I'd recorded these sessions, so that I could transcribe the conversations that occurred, however words alone could not capture the mood of the room and the safe space that encouraged women to open up about some very private issues. (Another reason why I won't transcribe them, I respect the confidentiality of everything that was shared.)

Nonetheless, to give you an overview of each:

Building Strong and Healthy Christian Marriages

This was so on time. With one week of marriage under my belt, I can already tell you that it's work!

Lu and I are still riding the wave of lovey-dovey newlywed bliss, but this marriage thing isn't exactly natural. All of the things that we learned in counseling gave us a great base to work from, but some lessons you learn (or have to recall) on the fly. For example, Ms. L invited me to hang out for a few hours after the conference. Lu wanted to cook dinner together and I wanted to go to bed early (sinus infection -- blah), so we had to talk about timing. Not a big deal, but not exactly, "Hey, I'm going to hang out with Les. I'll call you when I'm free. Love you!"

But I digress. Taken from 1 Thessalonians 5: 11-18, Dr. Kris Andrews led a lecture and discussion that talked about the importance of prayer, practice, and praise for building a healthy marriage.

• Prayer: Of course, there's the phrase that the family that prays together stays together, but what do you pray about? Dr. Andrews suggests that you pray for -- well, a bunch of things, includng: a spirit of love, humility, and forgiveness; effective communication; wisdom; and a servant's heart to not only your husband but also to God. In addition, she also suggested that one pray before making love. It sounds a bit strange, but sex truly is a gift from God. In these busy times for both of us, praying for freedom from worry and stress and praying for passion, eagerness, and no inhibitions seem like they'll come in handy. At least in the future, between being newlyweds and ending celibacy, we're pretty good on the love-making aspect of marriage right now!

• Practice: Like I said, marriage doesn't always come naturally. Humans tend to be selfish (especially only children and youngest children -- just sayin'), and to learn to put someone else's needs above your own takes active practice. Dr. Andrews suggested that we practice peacemaking, patience, and forgiveness. Remember that verse in I Corinthians 13? Love keeps no record of wrongs? Yep, forgive and forget. After all, you're stuck with this person for life.

• Praise: It's important to praise God, but also to praise your partner. As an exercise, we created a list of things that we could praise our partner about, even in times  when our partner doesn't exactly seem the most praise-worthy. From taking out the trash to having a great sense of humor, our partners want to feel appreciated and worthy. If not, they'll start looking to places outside of the home to build their self-esteem. Not just in an adulterous way, but your partner may spend more time at work, in the ministry, volunteering, or some other affirming activity. These are things that may seem "good" but not when they take away from spending time at home.

Women in God Sore: Learning to Deal with People Who Have Failed You

This was a session about forgiveness -- one of my admittedly weaker areas. Led by Dr. Carol Burrell-Jackson, we walked through definitions of failure, examples of failure in the Bible, a powerful exercise about the complications of holding on to failure, and even some benefits of failure.

Then we talked about the five steps in the process of forgiveness:

1) Know what happened.
2) Confront what happened. If this isn't possible for safety or other reasons, then writing a letter about what happened and getting your feelings out can be helpful for cleansing.
3) Forgive. (This is a hard one.)
4) Move on with a spirit of love in your heart. (This is an even harder one!)
5) Be willing to trust again.

This session particularly touched me because I've dealt with some pretty big failures in my life, as has everyone. Forgiveness is something that truly is a process. I have a habit of putting things out of sight, out of mind -- not truly working through the issue but just escaping it and blocking it out. Instead of solving anything, this actually leads to repetition of the behavior.

For example, in high school and through college, I was in a series of abusive relationships -- verbally, emotionally, and physically. Yep, I've been through it, and it's affected me.

Wow, you don't know how hard it was to type those two sentences. Everyone always thinks of me as the person whose got it together, who has everything under control, and who succeeds -- seemingly pretty effortlessly -- at whatever I do. Smart. Nice. Pretty. Dependable. Unfailable.

Admitting this flaw, or this failure to myself, was extremely hard.

I could go into an in-depth self-analysis of why I found myself in these relationships that were harmful to me and poisonous to my ability to grow and flourish. However, I think a large part of it was that I was always the "superwoman." I'd meet a guy who was initially a good guy, then something would happen and the abusive pattern would start. Sometimes, I'd think it was my "fault." If I hadn't expressed my frustration in a certain way, or if I'd been able to read his mind about what/when he wanted time, space, sex, etc. then things would improve.

Then when the behavior didn't change, I'd switch to the mode of saving whatever guy I was dating. By this time, we'd been seeing each other long enough for me to realize that he'd grown up in an abusive family, or that he was overwhelmed with stress, or something that otherwise "excused" his behavior toward me. I couldn't leave him. What kind of person would I be to leave someone who needed my help?

Ultimately, I'd realize that the relationship was causing undue pain to me. The physical and verbal abuse, of course, are the easiest to handle and to leave. Someone crosses a very clear line and you know what you're dealing with.

However, emotional and mental abuse are always a bit tricky. People tend to control your time, be possessive of your behavior, and define your worth. It can be deceptively innocent at the beginning -- even flattering. Someone wants to spend all their time with you, call you to check up on you, and constantly compliment everything you do. Then it changes -- in both directions. I've dealt with the possessive, smothering type of man and the distant guy who'd "punish" me by denying me his time and/or affection when I'd done something that displeased him.

It becomes almost a game: Let's figure out how to make him happy. Which buttons should I never push? I tend to find a lot of my other "smart" friends have fallen into this trap. It's not abuse. It's just a puzzle to be figured out. Nonetheless, when you find yourself questioning your own value or attempting to live up to some impossible standard, that's when a line has certainly been crossed.

Even worse is the process of admitting it.

Dr. Susan Weitzman wrote a book entitled, Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages that tackles these very feelings of denial, shame, and unworthiness that occurs in these relationships. I think this problem is particularly prevalent in the black community when women are so focused on finding the "elusive, good, black man" and the community is so intent on protecting the few shining examples that exist that women are often re-victimized in the process of trying to free themselves. (Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill, anyone?)

In my experience, it just goes to show you how everything comes full circle. Before we met, Lu and I lived parallel lives for several years -- in Atlanta and at Michigan. We had several friends in common, and even frequented the same coffee shops. We could have met four years before we did.

However, God knew that we both were working on some things individually before we could come together. If I hadn't learned to forgive, I would never have been able to learn to trust again. I learned the hard way that you can't skip steps in the process of forgiveness.

Both of us are still a work in progress individually and together; but with Lu, I know that I can soar.

Lu had class today (with homework due), so while our mini-moon is officially over, I'm still basking in the newlywed glow.

Since we're in the awkward in between stage, some of my posts will be broken into two parts: my real-life updates and wedding recaps. Hopefully, that'll help fill you in on the wedding and stay up-to-date with our marriage.

Real-life Update:
Today, I went to the Social Security office and the DMV to start the name change process, and it was actually fairly painless! I think the key is to go mid-week after the morning rush but before the lunch crowd trickles in because I waited less than 5 minutes at each office.... This means that I'm legally Ashley Reid Brown. Wow!

Time to start the onslaught of legal documentation that needs to be changed, but I'll handle that soon enough. In the meantime, I've got to clean up the house a bit and cook dinner. How domestic of me, right? lol

The reality is that I can't mentally de-stress in a messy house. That means everything needs to be in its place before I can start getting back to my normal routine... which brings me to dinner. I haven't cooked in at least two weeks. I'm sick of take out, microwave dinners, and even going to restaurants. I just want some food from my stove. And leftovers. Yes, I miss leftovers.

Wedding Recap:

While the wedding was amazing, I mentioned that there were several things that I didn't plan for in the days and hours leading up to it. Although, it all worked out in the end, these were some things that made me, Ms. Super-Planner, a bit edgy:

-- Shoe Switch-a-roo: The guys wore really cool black and white spectator shoes for the wedding. However, my sisters decided to change my father's shoes to all black a few days before he picked up his tux... without asking me. Since Lu's dad got black and white shoes, it would've thrown off the whole look. One call to Men's Wearhouse, and it was straightened out.

-- Snarky "Friends": While most people have been extremely understanding about our budget and guest list constraints, I had a few "friends" send me really weird texts along the lines of:

• "Are you getting married this weekend?! My invite must have gotten lost in the mail." [No, I just haven't seen you since 2006 and have only gotten random spam emails from you in the last two years. Therefore, I have no idea what your address is.]
• "Woooow! The wedding's so soon. I can't believe you didn't tell me. I thought we were so close." [If we were, wouldn't we have talked in the last six months??]
• "So I can't come to your wedding anyway, but if I would have been invited, then I would've sent a gift." [Darn! I forgot Bed, Bath, & Beyond required proof of invitation to give a gift! I wonder how our friends and family who got us gifts anyway because they care about us as a couple and are excited about our union got around that?]
• "If you want to invite people who are 'close' to you as a couple, then you shouldn't put so much of your business on Facebook and in your blog. That way people will know their real place in your life." [Whoa. Stalk much?]

Of course, instead of telling people what I really wanted to say, I gave the standard, "We both have big families and are working with a small budget, so we limited our list to people who have played a key role in our development as a couple." Quite frankly, in none of the above situations did the senders even say "Congratulations," so they're lucky they got an explanation at all.

-- Not-so Smarty Had a Party: Lu and I ordered our cake plates through a company called Smarty Had a Party. We received one case of 150 with silver trim and one pack of 15 with gold trim. They overnighted the correct plates the day before the wedding... which means that we didn't get them until everyone had already left for the ceremony the day of.  I really appreciated their effort, but the company called me FOUR times the day before our wedding to apologize. I had bigger concerns than cake plates!

-- HIV Testing at the Church: When I went to show Ms. P and Ms. S the church, we found out that the church was having HIV testing at the same day/time as the wedding. I'm all for knowing your status, but "Are you here for the wedding or for testing?" is an awkward question for guests!

-- T-Bone Scare (not the steak): Ms. P, Ms. S, and I almost got into a potentially fatal car accident a few hours before the rehearsal dinner when a teen driver decided to run a stop sign. I thank God for my quick instincts and empty lane beside me on the road because we were inches away from a serious accident.

-- Green Cake?!: Our rehearsal dinner cake was supposed to represent Spelman, Morehouse, and the University of Michigan. When we discussed it with the baker, she talked about having the symbols for Spelman and Morehouse with little "M"s around the sides for Michigan..... Instead, we got a football cake. I don't know what happened, or if she just took the "groom's cake" idea a little too far, but we were not expecting a football field at our rehearsal dinner! (Sorry hardcore Michigan fans.) It tasted delicious, and our wedding cake was gorgeous -- and elegant -- the next day. However, Ms. L had to step in and calm me down when I saw that green cake. 


-- Rehearsal Smackdown: Okay, so that's a little misleading. The church came with a coordinator, and we had two directors to make sure all of the behind-the-scenes things ran smoothly.  On the day of the rehearsal, there were a few debates about how things should be done and why -- who stands where, who walks when, etc.. However, it all turned out great in the end.

-- Bachelor/Bachelorette Party Rules Broken: Lu went to a club with the guys and had a bit too much to drink. My girls got me a stripper, complete with the police officer outfit.... And to protect the innocent, all other details on both ends will be private!

-- Check Engine... Five Hours Before the Wedding: My car's check engine light has only come on once, and the car literally conked out on me in the parking lot of the mechanic's office. Therefore, when the light came on the morning of my wedding, while taking Ms. N to her hair appointment, I freaked. We got lost getting to the Metro station, I was almost late getting my hair done, and I was sitting at the mechanic two hours before the ceremony not knowing whether we'd be able to start our honeymoon on Sunday or not.

But through it all, God is good.... The truth is that no matter how much planning you do, unexpected things will happen. However, knowing the way that things are "supposed to be" and having everything organized will enable you to get through the potentially-stressful times with a smile on your face.

Lu and I are back from our mini-moon and easing back into our lives as husband and wife.

While we're waiting for our official pictures to post (and the unofficial ones -- c'mon Facebook friends, lol), I'll give you the rundown of the wedding from our perspective.

Bottom Line: The wedding ceremony, reception, and after party were perfect! I had an absolute blast, and it was better than I'd even imagined. :-)

Yay! (Self-explanatory)

.... Now with that said, there were a bunch of things that happened pre-wedding that I wasn't expecting. (I'll post about those tomorrow-ish.) Nonetheless, the day of -- well, more like from 2:30 pm and on -- was amazing.

The craziest part was that with all of the planning and coordinating, we didn't even get to see a lot of the things that we'd put together!

Guests Arrival? No idea if anyone had problems finding the church or who came late. Although the wedding started on time -- yes, it IS possible -- so we apparently didn't have too many people lingering around.

Lu's arrival. Note my father blocking the door to my room.

Ceremony? I was stuck in the bridal lounge until I walked down the aisle.

Cocktail Hour? We spent this time taking pictures, so people were seated when we made our entrance.

A few of our post-ceremony pictures.

Reception Set-up? People had already put purses on the tables and napkins in their lap. It still looked beautiful overall, so I'm sure that it was gorgeous at the beginning of the night.

Candy bar? Almost demolished by the time we got to the reception.

First Dance as husband and wife.

Clean-up? I think we got all of our gifts and personal items, so I'm assuming that went okay also!

After the after party? Lu and I caught the party bus back to the hotel about an hour early -- along with about 6-7 other guests. Although I've heard some pretty interesting stories about what went on during/after the second return trip, all of our family and friends are alive and well... and I guess that's all that matters!

I know that's a strange title for a blog post the day before my wedding, but it's completely accurate.

I probably shouldn't even be blogging the day before the wedding because I'm supposed to be relaxing. However, you guys know me: 1) When do I actually do what I'm "supposed to do" for the wedding?!; and 2) Blogging has kept me calm during this entire process. Why stop now?

Gettin' Fancy
My agenda for today includes getting everything "did," which means manicure, pedicure, facial waxing, body waxing, and a deep conditioning hair mask (with my style, I have NO idea how much gel my stylist will need tomorrow).  Ms. S and Ms. P flew in yesterday, so we're going to go to the nail salon together.

Another comment about what I'm supposed to do: I probably should be going to the spa. However, I'm picky about my eyebrows. I rarely get them done, so I want to make sure that they're right. If Mai (not being sarcastic, that's actually her name) has made me beautiful a dozen times before, then I'm going to stick with her regardless of where she works.

Eating Good
After all of my concern about my dress, I've actually dropped 4 more pounds since my "perfect" fitting a few weeks ago. You guessed it: busy, stressed, not eating. :-/

However, it's kind of cool because my wedding gown is longer now, meaning I was able to trade in my fun orange shoes for some sexy burgundy peep toe pumps that I found three days ago at David's Bridal of all places -- really am starting to get the warm fuzzies for David's.

To make a long story [as] short [as possible], I went to try on my dress for the final time and get my last press, saw the shoes, loved them, but they were and inch taller than the shoes my dress was hemmed for, tried them on anyway, the hem was perfect with the extra few pounds gone, but only two stores in the country had the size/color combo I wanted, one happened to be in Maryland along the route I was driving back, put them on hold Tuesday, went to pick them up on Wednesday, turns out someone had held shoes that had already been purchased, but they had another pair of size 6 beauties in the back, tried them on, they fit wonderfully, and now my shoes look like this:
As trite as this sounds, I think these shoes are a blessing from God. As soon as we picked our wedding colors, I began scouring the internet for burgundy peep toe pumps with no luck. Then I went to David's Bridal after my dress was altered to get a bustle added, and they just happened to get in the exact shoes I've been looking for a week before my wedding, one of the two stores in the country that had my size/color is along my route home, and they had 2 pairs?! That's just too many coincidences for me. I really think God knows how much this day has been weighing on me, and He wanted to give me one last sign that everything -- even my shoes -- will fall into place.

But I digress majorly, today I will be eating. Not a ton of food, but I've dropped almost 10 pounds since my freak out in July without really trying that hard.... I was supposed to lose no more than 5 pounds. Oops. At least the shoes were a super bonus!

Feeling Frogs
Several people have asked me if I'm excited about the wedding, so I made up a metaphor for how I feel. When Lu and I first started dating, I felt butterflies. Constant flutters in my stomach whenever I saw him, talked about him, or even thought about him. Lu gave me butterflies like no man ever had in my life.

Now that it's the day before the wedding, the butterflies have been replaced by frogs. Instead of a constant flutter, I get random leaps of excitement.

Since I know that God wants this marriage to happen and Lu and I are meant to be, I'm not nervous. I'm just hanging out on my lily pad perfectly calm, and then someone will say something like, "Do you realize that you'll be Mrs. Brown in less than 48 hours? Hours?!" Then I'll do a happy dance.

Literally.

My dance is more like this spastic, shoulder-jerk-foot-shuffle-hip-thrust-jazz-hands reaction that my body has taken to busting out with whenever it really hits me that the wedding is here.... As long as I don't do that tomorrow at the altar (in my gorgeous shoes), I'll be fine!

And this really is my last pre-wedding post. A. Reid is signing off forever.... Catch you next time as Mrs. Brown!

In a few hours, I'll be making my last trip to Maryland as a single woman.

Since the wedding is three days away -- wow, I'll be spending a lot of time relaxing and just taking a break from wedding planning... or actually ending it completely!

In fact, it hasn't really hit me that I'm getting married in a few days. After talking to some newlywed friends, I know that this feeling of normalcy is pretty normal after all. For some friends, it didn't hit them until the rehearsal dinner, others didn't feel it until they put on the dress, others got the "I'm really doing this" feeling as they said their vows, and a small majority never really felt a huge difference.

I want to get excited. I'm soooo ready to see the fruits of my labor with this wedding and be united with Lu forever. So I'll be spending a lot of time mentally preparing myself for the vows that I'm about to say and the covenant that I'll be making with Lu.

With that said, I'm not sure if I'll be posting again before the wedding. I'll try, but who knows how hectic things will get?! I've officially handed everything over to my wedding coordinators, but you never know what last-minute items will need to be handled.

Since this blog is from "Do you think we should?" to "I do."; I guess this is almost the last stop on our journey. I'll be posting wedding pictures and giving highlights. However, if these are the last words that you read from me as a Ms., please know that I'm grateful to your for making this journey with me.

What started out as a blog to prove that Lu and I weren't crazy for starting counseling and marriage preparations before we were engaged has been a winding road of ups, downs, twists, and bumps. Thank you all for being my outlet and with nearly 11,000 views (Lu and I blocked our IP addresses from the counter, so there really were that many page views -- craaazzzy), I know that a lot of prayers will be going up for us this weekend!

Love you all. :-)

Lu and I put God at the center of our marriage before we were even engaged.

However, we always wanted to write our own vows. We figured that as long as we stuck in the "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" lines and the pastor approved, we'd be totally fine.

No.

Our pastor put his foot down and said that we were going to have the entire sacred ceremony as written in the United Methodist Church tradition. We could do some other stuff to personalize the experience, but vows are something that we wouldn't be messing with under his watch.

I've known our officiating pastor since I was 9 years old, and I deeply respect him. If that's what he believed to be best, then that's what we were going to do.



Instead of writing our own vows, Lu and I have a part of the ceremony called Letters of Devotion. We plan to read one-page letters to each other expressing our love, devotion (hence the title), etc.


I've been "writing" it in my head for the last few weeks, and it sounded touching and genuine. I've even teared up a few times at the thought of reading my mind-written letter to Lu on our wedding day.

Nonetheless, when I typed it up on the computer, it just wasn't what I expected. It sounded trite, and too romanticized, and kinda cheesy, but at the same time too academic. I don't know. I just don't like this letter!

And the one-page limit didn't help. To be totally honest, I made up that part myself. Lu and I have exchanged many cards over the last few years and both of us can be quite long-winded. I figured that having a page limit would keep us focused and our guests from getting bored.

But, in fact, I can express the way I feel about my letter in two words: it sucks.

At least it did, until last night. Yesterday evening, after spending several hours with David Tutera, I went over to my friend's house to do some pre-wedding scrapbooking. I made a scrapbook for Lu last year and had been meaning to organize our pictures and momentos since then and from our engagement into something a bit more creative than a digital file on my computer and/or "our box."

The only problem is that I totally cheated on my scrapbook last year. I got a pre-designed album where you just had to insert pictures. Add a few stickers, and I had a gorgeous, creativity-free scrapbook.

Since I wanted to do this one from the ground up, I reached out to a friend who is also into crafts, a few more friends joined in, and we had a "crafternoon."

Our backgrounds are the stuff that great movies like Waiting to Exhale and Something New are made of: four black women in their late twenties, all with at least one graduate degree, and in different stages in their romantic life. You have the newlywed friend, the friend in a serious relationship with potentially the one, the friend who recently ended a serious relationship and is now redefining her dating persona, and me -- the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed youngest who is about to jump the broom.

All united by a love for arts and crafts.... C'mon. Insert a few flashbacks, and we've got a blockbuster in the making.



But seriously, talking to these women about love, relationships, marriage, and the illusive work-life balance was such a great outlet for me.

I won't get too much into anybody else's business. However, our conversations and general tangents truly helped me realize just how much I've grown as a person since I met Lu and how much he's truly been a blessing to my life.

Finding love, nurturing love, committing to love, and maintaining love are each difficult phases in their own right. Looking back at our past and looking forward to our future, I've decided to toss out my own vows and start new. Not just with something that sounds good, but with words and meaning that resound in my heart.

Ahhh, it's my last "Wedding Sunday" as a single woman. Before I even met Lu, I was a wedding TV show junkie. WEtv fulfills my fetish every week by broadcasting hours of reality TV shows about weddings.

I've seen the good ones, the bad ones, and the ones that just shouldn't have even been made. (Um, anyone remember "My Big Redneck Wedding?" on CMT??)

Ironically, I haven't indulged in Wedding Sunday as often as I used to pre-engagement, and I don't even think all of these shows still come on; but here are the top five best and worst wedding series that I've seen:


Best Shows

5) A Wedding Story (TLC): This show follows a couple as they plan their wedding. Unlike most wedding shows, this one focuses a lot on the couple, which is really cool for me. Weddings are great, but after awhile, they all start to look the same. This show talks about how they met, their backgrounds, the culture/traditions behind their wedding, etc.



4) Amazing Wedding Cakes (WEtv): Couples come in to a bakeshop, talk about their dream wedding cake, and then the show follows the bakers as they design, bake, decorate, and deliver jaw-dropping wedding cakes. As the title conveys, these cakes are truly amazing -- big, bold, bright, even with mechanical features.




3) Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? (Style): This show is less about the couple and more about wedding planners, which is really fun. I have a not-so-secret desire to be a wedding coordinator and planner, so this is my equivalent to "shadowing."



2) My Fair Wedding (WEtv): Aahhh, David Tutera. I <3 David. He comes in three weeks before someone's mediocre (okay -- more like jacked up/ghetto/redneck/or what-the-heck-are-you-thinking) wedding and turns it into something magical. He's even turned a pirate-themed wedding into something classy. Amazing.




1) Rich Bride/Poor Bride (WEtv): As the budget wedding queen, this show has given me some really creative ideas. It takes a couple, follows them through the wedding planning process, and focuses on how they make decisions about what to save and what to splurge on for their big day. Throughout the show, there's the looming "mystery budget" that's revealed at the very end. The vast majority of couples go over budget -- some by a few hundred, some by several thousand. But it's really cool to see how far money can go in different parts of the country and what priorities people have for their wedding.



Worst Shows


5) Bulging Brides (WEtv): The show has a great concept. Start with a woman who either a) purposely bought her wedding gown too small with the unrealistic expectation of losing a lot of weight and/or b) is an emotional eater and gained a size or two before her wedding, then bring in a nutritionist and a personal trainer to get her on track six weeks before the wedding. However, this makes the worst list for three reasons: 1) predictable ending -- all the brides end up looking great on their wedding day, 2) basic advice -- no special tips or training, and 3) I want to see what they look like 6 months after the wedding when they're back on their own!





4) Perfect Proposal (TLC): This show follows men (and a few women) with planning the "perfect" way to propose to their significant other. It's really over the top, dramatic, and overripe banana mushy. It's a sweet show, but unrealistic and just too much... unless you're a die hard romantic, then you'd love it.


3) Bridezillas (WEtv): I have a love-hate relationship with this show. It's definitely a guilty pleasure to see other brides go crazy and say the things I sometimes want to say or throw the temper tantrums that would be totally amazing to have. However, at some point, you have to say, "Look. You're a grown woman. Act like it. Have some respect for yourself and everyone else around you."


2) Say Yes to the Dress (TLC): I understand that some people come from privileged backgrounds and can afford to drop the equivalent of a down payment on a house on a dress they'll wear once; but for the most part, these girls are willing to put their families into financial trouble to have their "perfect" princess wedding gown. And WORSE, the saleswomen are so commission-driven that it's sick. I've literally seen them roll their eyes when a bride wants to spend less than $3000 on her dress and/or tell a girl that the only dress that will work for her is a few thousand dollars more than her stated budget. It's just disgusting.


1) Platinum Weddings: Some of these weddings are platinum because of the cultures of the bride and groom -- inviting 300-400 of your friends and family to a weekend long event is going to cost in the hundreds of thousands. There's really no other option.... Others are wedding porn personified! A bride who spends $200,000 on roses (imported from Equador, of course) just to create a "carpet" of petals for an aisle?! Vomit.

And on that note, time to settle in for an afternoon/evening of WE Go Bridal!

In one word: Weather!

At this point, pretty much everything else is taken care of for the wedding. We have to pick up a few gifts from Things Remembered, finish printing our programs, finish putting together a scrapbook, and I have to finish editing my letter of devotion to Lu. I love the word "finish." It lets me know just how close we are to the big day!

Then, of course, I have the week of duties: packing my bags for home, getting an oil change for my car, and all of the beauty stuff (manicure, pedicure, waxing multiple body parts, etc.) However, everything is pretty much minor.

However, bad weather can ruin a perfect day, which is why I'm glad that I didn't follow my childhood dream of having an outdoor wedding. If I'd continued in that direction, then I'd probably be a nervous wreck right now. With an outdoor wedding, you have to worry about so much more than rain or shine the day of the wedding, you have to consider heat, humidity, bugs, mud, hot, cold, etc. So many variables!

Although you can get some pretty cool, unique pictures in the rain!

For example, Mrs. R decided to have an evening wedding in Florida in July. Very risky. However, she had a perfect day: it rained about two hours before the ceremony (which in some cultures is a sign of fertility), which was just enough to cool off the temperature a bit and enjoy the night.

Another friend got married in February in Maryland. Cold, but tolerable -- in an average year. This year, there were back to back blizzards. Imagine half of your vendors being snowed in less than a week before the big day!

The most risky thing about October is peripheral rain from late-season hurricanes. The only time the weather will affect us is during our getaway, and right now with a sunny high of 66, low of 48, and 0% chance of precipitation, I'd say that we'll have a beautiful time on a gorgeous fall day!

This could change at any point between now and next week, but as long as it's not extremely cold the day of the wedding, then we'll be comfortable.

Lu and I first met about three years ago in October 2007.



We went through almost a year of missed connections, innocent flirting, fun dates, and building a friendship half a world apart before we decided to take our relationship to the next level.



Two years ago today on October 5, 2008, the man that I had come to love as a friend became my boyfriend.



In less than two weeks from today on October 16, 2010, the boyfriend that God has revealed to be my soulmate will become my husband.


Summer may be my favorite season, but there's no month I love more than October.


Happy Anniversary, Lu!! *muah*

After going through an internal struggle about how to change my name, if at all, I reached a conclusion that made me happy.

Now I just have to start the seemingly straightforward process to make it legal... and make the government happy: get marriage license, get married and sign marriage license, go to social security office to get a new card with my updated name, go to DMV to get new license, and then update everything else with my married name.

Voila! Simple, right? 

Well, let me lay it out for you:

1) Get marriage license.... Done. This process was actually pretty quick, easy, and painless for me. In fact, Lu didn't even have to physically be there. Although you should definitely check the rules in your state to make sure you have the right paperwork.

2) Get married.... 12 days!!

3) Get new social security card.... Hmmm, about that. I can't seem to find my old card! However, I do have W-2s, a birth certificate, and a passport. Hopefully, one (or some combination) of these is enough to prove my identity. I'm actually on hold with the Social Security office now to check -- 15 minutes have gone by so far. :-/

4) Go to DMV to get a new license..... Note the first two words: "go to." As a PhD student who's held on to her out-of-state license through two degrees and three states, this was more complicated for me than for most. First, I had to officially become a Michigan driver... or spend several hours on my second day as a newlywed sitting at the DMV in Maryland... or wait until Christmas (my next trip back Maryland) to start the legal stuff... or wait and change my license and residency at the same time, which isn't an easy feat in Michigan. Soooo a few days ago,  I just bit the bullet and trekked to the DMV to change my insurance, license, and registration to Michigan.

Word of Wisdom: Always bring a good book with you to the DMV.

5) Update everything else, including: mortgage, insurance (car, home, and health), information with the school for my transcript and ID, information with my doctor, information with Maggie's vet, bank accounts, checks, retirement fund, professional items (website, business cards, and CV), prescription drug information, credit cards, and email/magazine subscriptions.... That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more.

On one hand, the majority of places simply require my word, my new license, or at most, a certified copy of our marriage certificate. However, it'll still involve a lot of waiting in line, listening to elevator music while on hold (good thing I like early-90s soft rock), and repeating the phrase, "Hi. I just got married. I need to update...."

Is it really fair that I have to deal with all of this and Lu doesn't? Not at all, but I'll make sure to even out the load by giving him a big, fat pile of "Thank You" cards to write!

With two weeks left until the wedding, it's time to make a decision. What will my name be on October 16, 2010 at 4:30 pm?

• Pros: 
• Maintaining my professional identity.
• No legal paperwork.
• I'd give feminism a metaphorical fist bump. In the opinion of one feminist writer of Columbia University's Sister magazine, "Surnames are one of the most powerful tools used by patriarchy to deny women not only equal rights but even personhood." I see where she's coming from, but denying personhood? That's a bit extreme.

•  Cons:
• Most people won't appreciate my decision to take a stand against patriarchy, and some won't even acknowledge it. After all, we've been already getting wedding gifts addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Brown." 
• Quite frankly, I don't feel like explaining my name decision to any/everyone. Since I'm not a hardcore feminist, although I certainly appreciate it, I don't want or need to use my name as a soapbox.
• I'll have the Baby's Mama issue. Since about 72% of black mothers are not married, it wouldn't be a far-fetched assumption for people to think that my future children were born out of wedlock.

• Pros: 
• It's traditional and convenient.
• Since we're sharing every other aspect of our life, sharing a name will be another way to mold from "him and me" to "us."
• Our family will be publicly viewed as one unit. No explanations necessary.
• I get to practice my new signature and get all the corny monogrammed stuff my heart desires. Petty, but life is about the simple pleasures.

•  Cons:
• The paperwork to change my name will be a pain in the rear.
• I probably will initially struggle with a sense of identity loss.

• Pros: 
• I get the best of both worlds -- acknowledging my marriage, while being true to my maiden self.

•  Cons:
• It can get confusing. I've heard horror stories of people having duplicate medical records, not being able to cash checks, etc. While hyphens are more common, you don't always get a free pass to use your maiden or married name depending on how you feel.
• The paperwork is still there. 
• What the heck will our daughter do when she gets married?