Lu and I are sleeping on a pull-out sofa in his parents' living room tonight, and I couldn't be happier.

We've been in South Carolina since Tuesday, had a wonderful Thanksgiving on Thursday, an amazing second reception yesterday (details soon), and we spent the entire day today with family... excluding nearly three hours in the coffee shop working, but that's our life!

What's made these last few days particularly special is that my parents, Aunt E and Uncle L, and Maggie have been here. We're all under one roof and having a blast!

I've posted before about how I get the warm fuzzies whenever I think about how happy I am that our families get along. However, today it really hit me that Lu and I have truly joined two families.

It's a big deal to just get along with our parental in-laws. (I've heard some horrible stories about mother-in-laws!) However, it takes it to another level to have our parents get along. Then to go a step further and be accepted by our immediate-family-in-laws is great. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to have a Grandma. All of my grandparents passed while I was still in elementary school, and I just have a few, fleeting memories.

All of this is more than enough, but God has blessed us to the point where our aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, and family friends can be in the same room comfortably mingling with each other.

I think I always took it for granted that I had a close-knit family. However, joining another one and having a wonderful man by my side has made me realize just how wonderfully blessed I am -- even if I do have a few kinks in my back tomorrow morning!

Every Thanksgiving, my family goes around in a circle right before we say grace and each person shares what he/she is thankful for this year. Since I'm not sure if Lu's family does that, I'm going to share my list on here.

Today, I'm thankful for:

-- a healthy body and sound mind.
-- being married to the man of my dreams.
-- my immediate and extended family, who love me and pray for me, even when I'm not there.
-- the fact that my family has now grown to include all of Lu's aunts, uncles, cousins, and a new mom and dad!
-- friends and church family who have filled my life with love and joy as I trudge along this path called graduate school.
-- the light at the end of the tunnel to grad school!! The end is still far away, but at least I can see the light... kinda.
-- most importantly, a growing relationship with God, who ordained all of these things for my life.

Now it's time to sign off, and enjoy myself.... Have a blessed holiday. :-)

We're in Columbia, SC to spend Thanksgiving with Lu's family. Lu's parents have also planned a second reception for us, so we're excited for both Thursday and Friday afternoon. I'm especially excited because my parents are coming down on Friday with my aunt and uncle. :-)

However, the holidays aren't always the most wonderful time of the year for all couples. In fact, they can be downright stressful, or just weird, for most newlyweds. The hardest part: Where to spend it?

My parents grew up in the same city, and my sister and her husband are both from Maryland. Spending the holidays with both families used to be as easy as hopping in the car and driving from breakfast with one family to dinner with the other.

Most of my dating/married friends nowadays are like Lu and me. They grew up in different states than their partners. The holidays become more of a negotiation that generally falls along these lines:

1) "My family's closer, so let's just spend every Thanksgiving with them. Then we'll spend every Christmas with yours."

2) "We'll spend Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with mine. Then next year, we'll switch."

3) "I love you, but I'd rather spend the holidays with my own family. See you on New Year's Eve!"

4) "Let's just go on a vacation, then we don't have to pick at all...."

The first year we knew each other, the holidays weren't even worth bringing up. By the end of the second year, we were dating pretty seriously. We ended up spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with our own families -- but videochatting with each other during the day, and we headed back to Ann Arbor to spend New Year's Eve together.

Last year, we spent Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with Lu's family. We decided that would be our standard. Thanksgiving at my house, and Christmas at Lu's house. It was actually a pretty easy decision:

-- My family's closer to Michigan, so we usually end up driving to Maryland for long weekends a few times a year. Two full weeks with Lu's family over our two-week break balances out the 3-4 long weekends spent with mine.

-- Thanksgiving is more of a big deal at my house with lots of extended family sharing dinner at alternating relatives' homes.

-- Christmas is a big deal for Lu's family with his parents hosting dinner for 50+ family members each year.

This year, we've flipped it because Lu's parents are having a second reception for us over Thanksgiving, and my parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on Christmas Eve. (Yes, the big 5-0! Amazing!!) However, next year, we'll be back to our routine.

Right now, this works for us. Although I'm sure that there will be some adjustments once we have babies involved.... Good thing we've got some time before we have to worry about that!

All images courtesy of Martin Studio Photography and video by 3 Blind Mice Productions.

After dinner, came the toasts by Lu's best men (his childhood best friend and his college roommate) and my maid and matron of honors (my sisters). I LOVED their toasts! They were the right mix of sentimental and funny, and they each reflected the toaster's personality. Lu and I both felt truly blessed:



Then it was time to party! Well, almost -- starting with the cake-cutting (which was delicious), our toasts (totally didn't think about that, my apologies for the rambling), the garter belt removal (loved Lu's apology to my dad after), bouquet toss (from the balcony -- pretty cool), garter belt hot potato (a unique idea I got from a friend at our crafternoon last month), a special dance with our parents (both married for decades), and then it was time to really get down.









I really liked that pretty much everyone at our reception danced. Lu wanted a live band, but we just couldn't stretch our budget that far. Besides, the Atrium package came with a DJ.


To get people up and moving, we asked him to start with the cheesy songs that everyone knows and enjoys dancing to even if they won't admit it. Soooo, the first song played at our wedding reception was the Electric Slide, followed by the Booty Call, and the Cupid Shuffle. This is when the videographer left, but you'll see that the dance floor was packed! When the DJ switched to more modern music, everyone was already up and stayed that way -- we even had a soul train line.








Overall, our reception was a ton of fun: our candy bar was delicious (and devoured), my second dress was a hit, and we left with just enough time to get back to the hotel room, guzzle a 5-hour energy, and head out to our after party! That's right... the wedding day recap continues!

All images courtesy of Martin Studio Photography and video by 3 Blind Mice Productions.

To continue my video/photo recap of our wedding day, here's what happened after our ceremony.

As a wedding guest (and having not been in a wedding since I was 6 years old), this is always the weird part of the day. You know that the couple is taking pictures and having some one-on-one time, but some people pop up to the reception in 30 minutes while others take two hours!

We had a cocktail hour planned for our guests, but I was adamant that we not take a ton of pictures. I'm not a fan of really posed stuff anyway, so we just took the basics in the church: bridesmaids, groomsmen, family in various combinations in the church. (Note: My FAVORITE part of the video clip below is 1:44-1:47. Love it!)



After the formal pictures, we had some fun! The church had a playground in the back, so Lu and I played around there with the rest of our bridal party joining us.






Ms. L spotted this weird piece of equipment -- not sure how you're supposed to play with it, but we got a really cool picture of our whole bridal party! We also took some pictures in our vintage car before heading over to the reception.







Once we were there, Gary -- the amazing hospitality director at the Atrium at Treetops -- shuttled us upstairs, where he had a plate of appetizers ready for us. We took a few minutes to bask in the after-ceremony glow before getting ready for our glass elevator entrance.

We wanted to break up the formal parts of the reception a bit, so we came in and did our first dance right away then danced with our parents before settling down to a delicious dinner.






Tomorrow's post will be on the after-dinner fun stuff -- toasts, cake-cutting, bouquet toss, garter belt hot potato, and of course dancing!

All images courtesy of Martin Studio Photography and video by 3 Blind Mice Productions.

It's officially been a month -- practically to the hour -- since Lu and I made our marriage covenant. Here's a video of the ceremony:



The first month of marriage has been fun! Romantic, humbling, a bit crazy at times... but what an amazing start to our journey. We each decided to share our top 5 lessons learned. We're sure there will be many, many more to come.

Val's Top 5

5) We have more in common than we thought, but Lu is definitely a guy.

We've bonded over learning to purposely cook lumpy cream of wheat (don't stir) and debating about the "best" Jelly Belly flavor -- fun, little quirks. However, some things I was not expecting from my sophisticated, intelligent, neat husband: he laughs when he passes gas loudly, loves "man" movies (Superbad, really?), and leaves the door open while doing #1 because it would be "rude" to interrupt our conversation. Hmmm, gotta love him.

4) It's easy to slip into "newlywed 15" habits.

Skipping the gym to cuddle for an extra hour, baking cookies and cobblers to make Lu smile, eating dinner at 9 pm, and don't get me started on the tapeworm in Lu's stomach! Eating every two hours may not affect him, but I've started to watch my waistline. So far, so good.

3) You CAN blend two styles -- and two closets -- into one condo.

Our place looks GREAT! Besides the decorating and rearranging, we've scoured home stores for creative storage idea. Everything (almost) has it's own bin, drawer, under-the-bed box, or basket.

2) Going to bed angry is pointless.

When you're not married, you can argue and not talk for a few days, or maybe even just break it off all together. When you're in it for the long-haul, it's not so easy to cut off someone who shares your bed, shower, office, and last name. Communication truly is key. We laughed when our counselors warned us about the "Why can't he/she read my mind?!" problem. It's real.

1) It's amazing knowing that I really have a BFF.

Best friends forever -- one month down, an eternity to go.

Lu's Top 5

5) Celibacy is worth it.

Married sex is amazing (it's a mind, body, spirit trifecta). There's no guilt, shame, or tarnished white robes (lol). Best of all married people openly talk about it -- especially church members! Every book on marriage that we have has at least one chapter devoted to sex, and one book is all about sex completely. Communication is important, but sex is right up there. In fact it's a perfect gauge of how well you communicate.

4) Selflessness is HARD!

You won't realize just how selfish you are until you get married. Praying together helps keep us on the same accord, but it's an adjustment to realize that nothing is about me anymore. It's all about us. Simply stated "I" no longer exist in vocabulary, whereas "us" and "we" get promoted to pronoun status.

3) You will spend more time in Bed, Bath, and Beyond than you ever have in your life.

At first, it was annoying when Val dragged me into Bed Bath and Beyond. Now I find myself looking at specs on humidifiers and researching vacuum cleaners. Don't sleep on the Shark. Yeah, it's purple; but it picks up everything.

2) A happy marriage = A happy wife

I could give you a mathematical proof for this, but it's best learned through experimental observation.

1) Marriage isn't an added responsibility. It's a lifestyle change.

Everything you do, or don't do for that matter, in some way, shape, form or fashion affects your wife and home. There's no clock to punch on this one. You're on call 24-7. No better yet you work the morning, day, night, and graveyard shifts...no holidays, paid leave, or sick leave. You work HR, accounting, marketing, and maintenance. And don't even think about a raise...in fact, it's like putting "return to sender" on your paychecks. Which leads me to best thing about marriage: the benefits. Yeah, you pour out a lot of yourself; but so does she. Why be selfish when there's someone who's willing to be selfless on your behalf? Marriage is like a marathon with no real end; stop focusing on the checkpoints, and enjoy the run.

All images courtesy of Martin Studio Photography and video by 3 Blind Mice Productions.

After my crazy wedding morning, my sister and I pulled up to the church at 2:15 pm to find... my parents. No bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no hostesses, no coordinators, no makeup artist.

Normally, this would have made me a bit nervous. However, given the morning that I'd had, I didn't even care! I was just happy that I was there myself.

When I walked into the sanctuary, my nerves calmed even more. There was a funeral at the church that morning, so I knew that we might be cutting it close with the decorations. However, everything was beautiful!


After walking around and checking everything out, my bridesmaids started to arrive, then one of my hostesses showed up, and then my make-up artist/Ann Arbor big sister arrived -- soon the church was bustling with activity.

With about an hour until the ceremony, we had to get moving. The first step for me was make-up, and then my sisters, mom, and bridesmaids helped me get dressed:






Then my bridesmaids did their make-up and touching up:





Finally Lu called, and we said a prayer together over the phone:


Confession: I actually saw Lu before the ceremony. The door to the bridal lounge kept opening and closing as parents, coordinators, aunts, bridesmaids, etc. went in and out. He says that he didn't see me, but I could've sworn that we made eye contact for a millisecond. At that point we locked the door, and strictly limited who could come in/leave out.

Before I knew it, the coordinators were calling everyone out to line up. I hurried my make-up artist out of the door, so she wouldn't miss the entrance.

Then I was alone, such a surreal moment to go from a flurry of activity to silence. It's so weird to know that your wedding -- what you've prayed for, painstakingly planned, and dreamed about is going on in the next room. I took a few deep breaths, did some reflection, got teary-eyed, stopped reflecting, got bored, started pacing, heard a knock on the door, got ready to walk out, but it still wasn't time for me to go. Then I debated on making one last trip to the restroom, decided against it, and then the real knock came....

While I was doing my dressing/praying/breathing/pacing/reflecting, this is what was going on outside the bridal lounge:



Video also found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEd2MMaWS7A.

Ahh, my wedding day... over four weeks ago?! Wow. It's definitely time to give you a play-by-play update about the big day.

We've got photos, videos, and lots of exciting stuff to share; but for this post, let's stick to the morning of the wedding.

The most important lesson: Anything and everything can happen on your wedding day. Try to schedule as little as possible because there are some things that you just can't plan for... at all!

I woke up in our soon-to-be honeymoon suite at 7:00 am, after getting about 4 hours of sleep. Actually, I woke up at about 6:30 completely full of energy. My hair appointment wasn't until 10:00 pm, and I wasn't scheduled to meet my sister until 9:30. I stayed in bed willing myself to go back to sleep, but I gave up.

Ms. L and Ms. N (who slept over along with Ms. M, Ms. P, and Ms. S) had to get going at 8:00 am, so I figured I'd slip in the shower and get ready before they woke up.

This is when things started going downhill.

I ended up dropping my retainer down the hotel sink. I've had these retainers for over a decade with no incident, so this was the last thing I expected. I called in the maintenance man, who had to take apart the sink to rescue my retainers.

By this point everyone was awake, and Ms. N and Ms. L were actually running late. Since I had over an hour to spare, I volunteered to take Ms. N to her hair appointment. I'd come back, eat the fruit and yogurt I'd put in the refrigerator, then go to meet my sister.

However, after driving for about a minute, my check engine light came on. I'd gotten an oil change and my car checked right before I left Michigan, and there were no problems. In fact, the one and only time my check engine light had come on in the past, I drove about two miles before my car ended up sputtering to a stop at a service station.

Sooo... I freaked out, but Ms. N was able to keep me (mostly) calm and helped guide me to a metro station. I dropped her off, and she left assuring me that everything would be okay with my car and her hair appointment. Love that girl!

Then I headed to the Atrium -- Lu and I had planned to leave the reception in my car -- to meet my sister. I told her about my car, and after some debate, we agreed to leave the car there. At this point I also ran into Johann who was setting up everything beautifully for that night... more on that in upcoming posts!

My sister and I headed to my hair appointment, and the beautician told us that she'd be done in an hour. Knowing my deceptively thick and difficult hair, I told my sister to expect it to take at least two hours. The style ended up taking nearly three hours to do -- my hand-molded waves were gorgeous! Ms. S forbade me from saying "finger waves"... even though that's what they are. :-)

With over three hours until the ceremony, my sister and I debated about what to do. We ended up grabbing fast food, and then calling local mechanics. She wanted me to wait until the next day to deal with my car, but I was worried about service stations being open on a Sunday. Besides, I was determined that Lu and I would fully enjoy our honeymoon.

Sure enough, most places were closed the next day; and the one place that was open couldn't promise that it'd be able to get parts if something major was wrong. So we headed back to the Atrium, picked up my car, and dropped it off at the mechanic. Yes, two hours before my wedding ceremony, I was at a mechanic.

Had I planned that? Not at all!... Just like I hadn't planned having my hotel sink taken apart, a three-hour hair appointment, or skipping breakfast and scarfing down Bojangles for lunch. But I'd left enough spare time in my schedule for unexpected emergencies, so I was surprisingly calm.

Besides, with my car as taken care of as possible, I had more important things to worry about... like getting married!

Last weekend, I went to a conference on Teaching and Mentoring in Tampa. While I enjoyed the sessions and reflecting upon my own trajectory in life, I really missed Lu. The conference was the first time that we’d been apart overnight since we’ve been married. I literally tossed and turned without him.

Nonetheless, my connection to Lu and responsibility to my husband presented itself in a very odd way.

At the conference, I had a roommate. Since I woke up earlier than her on the first day, I decided to lay out my clothes to make it easier to get dressed and ready without disturbing her the next morning.

While I was getting things together, there was a knock at the door. It was one of her friends, who was supposed to meet her before they went out for the night. Since my roommate wasn't there, I invited her to come in and wait.

We chatted about where we were from, what we studied, and what we were doing that night. I mentioned that I was going to videochat with Lu and go to bed, which led to a conversation about the wedding and married life.  She began telling me about the guy that she was dating pretty seriously, and as I listened, I went back to laying out my dress, my blazer, and then I put my bra and panties on top of the pile.

She glanced over and joked, “Victoria’s Secret? 5 for $25? Got those, too!”

I laughed and said that I only wear these panties to conferences now because Lu hates the pattern. He actually calls them my “wallpaper panties.”

She made a face, did the stereotypical eye/neck roll combo, and in that fake-joking-but-semi-catty tone that some women can get, she said, “Wow. You’ve been married for two weeks, and he’s already telling you what kind of underwear to wear?! I dare any man to tell me what I put on my body! I love my boyfriend and all, but yeah right!“

At first I didn't know what to say and didn't feel like getting into some debate about the choices I make about my unmentionables, so I just laughed.

Then after a few seconds, I said, “You know, marriage is about putting your spouse first. If he gets sick, I’d nurse him back to health. If he can't find a job, I’d support the family. If he needed a kidney, then I’d be on that operating table without thinking twice! So quite frankly, I feel blessed that the only ‘sacrifice’ I’ve had to make is reserving my wallpaper panties for conferences.”

When I finished, her mouth literally dropped open, then she cleared her throat and simply said, "Wow. I never thought of it like that. I mean, the big things you mentioned, I'd do those for my boyfriend; but it's the little things that matter just as much."

I replied, "Yeah, they really do. It's easy to brush them off as insignificant; but when you're sharing your life with someone, everything you do -- and don't do -- matters."

Honestly, I was pretty proud of my mini-soapbox. I never, EVER think of comebacks that quickly... unless they’re the really mean ones that I can’t actually say. However, through being engaged and planning a wedding, I’ve realized that people will always give you their two-cents – whether or not you want it, whether or not its useful, and whether or not they even understand your situation!

In fact, the next night, I went out with Mrs. R, who lives in Orlando, and we talked about life and about the wedding. Even though I'd chosen Mrs. R as a bridesmaid, she actually didn't attend the wedding at all. Her husband recently joined the military, and the wedding fell on his first free weekend after bootcamp, graduation (where she could barely touch him after not seeing him for nearly six weeks), and starting his follow-up training in a different state.

Caught between spending time with her husband after being apart for over two months and my wedding, Mrs. R called me in early-September with a "plan": get off work in Florida on Thursday night, drive to Mississippi to see her husband on Friday morning, fly to Maryland on Saturday morning for the wedding, fly back to Mississippi on Saturday evening, and drive back to Florida on Monday morning just in time to teach class at 8 am.

I vetoed the plan and told her to stay with her husband. I told her that she needed to be with him, that I'd fill her in when I came to the conference, and that hopefully she could use the bridesmaid dress for a holiday party. Mrs. R broke down in tears because that's how she also felt, but she thought that I'd be upset if she pulled out of the wedding six weeks before it happened. We had a great discussion about how hard it is to put your husband above your friends, especially when you want to be there for both, and how glad she was that I understood her predicament.

Fast-forward a few months to us catching up over dinner in Florida. When we went back to the hotel, we ran into a friend of mine, Ms. E., from school in the hotel lobby. We invited her to the room with us, and we ended up having one of the best conversations about love and marriage that I've ever had. All of us have been blessed to have strong, Christian men in our lives -- Mrs. R's been married for over two years, Ms. E's been dating her boyfriend with purpose for over two years, and I've been married to Lu for three weeks.

However, striving to fit God's plan and purpose doesn't always work well with what the world says: missing a friend's wedding to spend a weekend with your husband, seriously considering marriage to a man who you've only had a long-distance relationship with, and letting your husband's preferences dictate your choice in panties.

We shared our relationship stories. We talked about how God was working with us on some common issues: patience, prayer, and following His path even if it involved some detours that we never thought we'd take. We also talked about some of the frustrations we felt about having so few like-minded people to talk to who were in a similar place in their lives -- balancing being a strong, Black woman and a submissive wife (or serious girlfriend who is preparing her heart and mind for marriage). We traded book titles and bible verses, shared laughter and moments of reflection, and I think we all took away something from those few hours we spent together.

That night reaffirmed me, especially after my conversation the previous evening.  Standing up for my relationship and my decisions doesn’t have to come from a place of anger or rudeness. It’s about knowing the foundations of a healthy marriage and not being embarrassed about sticking to them.

Even if it doesn’t fit the mold of what a “strong, independent, Black woman” is supposed to be, I’m not worried about what other people think of me. I don’t need to impress anyone. I just have to please myself and serve my husband…. Yes, I said serve my husband, and I’m not ashamed of that. We’re in this together forever – wallpaper panties and all.

Today, I have unsubscribed from the following websites:

www.theknot.com
www.getmarried.com
www.davidsbridal.com
www.weddingwire.com
www. jcrew.com (where the bridesmaids got their dresses)

I also opted not to renew my subscription to Horse Illustrated -- still no idea of where that came from!

Aahhh, freedom!... Well, except for the fact that The Knot signed my up for The Nest, who will probably automatically sign me up for the The Bump in about a year-ish. Wedding, home, baby -- will it ever end?!

The one subscription that I will maintain, at least through Christmas, is my rewards membership at Things Remembered. I really love giving and receiving personalized gifts, and they have some great specials.

Between Things Remembered and Red Envelope, I'm sure that everyone who is important in my life has something with their name on it!