When Lu and I brought our decision to marry to our parents, my soon-to-be mother-in-law told us, "Honey, you can always move forward into marriage; but once you're married, you can't go back to dating... even each other!"

As a reformed serial dater, it's kind of disconcerting to realize that I'll never have another first date again. To Lu, this is a relief. He's not exactly the smooth, "here's a pick-up line and a cocktail" type of guy, which is one reason why I fell for him. The whole dating dance was always stressful.

On the other hand, I found dating fun -- especially first dates. To give you a brief background of my love life, I had a pretty destructive, dysfunctional five-year relationship with my high school "sweetheart." When we finally split for good, I realized just how great it was to be free from the stress of a relationship. I truly loved being single.

However, it was a challenge to stay single because there was always someone interested in getting to know me better. It wasn't like I was looking for anyone. Men would just kinda pop up.

I'd meet a friend-of-a-friend at a get-together, a happy hour, at church, or just hanging out. We'd end up having a nice conversation; and a few days later, one of my girlfriends (usually Mrs. R) would say, "Remember so-and-so? Y'all were chatting it up last Saturday? Well, he asked about you, and he's such a great guy, so I gave him your number/email address/AIM screen name. I know you're doing this single-thing or whatever, but one date won't hurt -- just to see what he's like."

And sooo, I became the queen of first dates. I'd go out with a guy, and sometimes it was immediately obvious that we just wouldn't work out. I actually enjoyed this outcome -- I'd get a free meal and a new friend.

Other times, we'd click perfectly -- which put me into a semi-panic because I was never sure if I was really ready to get into a relationship. Actually, I was pretty sure that I wasn't, so I'd end up a) ignoring the poor guy, b) purposely trying to drive him away, or c) giving a half-hearted effort at trying to make it work in a weird, 3-6 month pseudo-relationship where we look, act, and talk like a couple without the "titles."

Clearly, I shouldn't have been dating.

Why was I? Well, blame it on curiosity, boredom, or social norms, but it was really hard to turn down dinner and a movie with a nice, handsome, intelligent man with a quirky sense of humor, shy smile, and great potential for success.

In the long run, dating actually helped heal the wounds of my past relationship. Instead of becoming jaded and cynical, I realized that good guys did exist. There were not only plenty of fish in the sea, but there was an entire ocean of men who weren't possessive, manipulative, jealous, rude, coasting through life, etc. I had an amazing time meeting new people and wondering about the potential that I could have with them.

Another benefit of both my long-term relationship and serial dating, was that I could quickly identify the qualities that I didn't want. I could easily spot men who were arrogant, self-absorbed, full of lies and excuses, playing the field, wanted a trophy instead of a partner, or conversely more interested in my résumé than me (i.e. "I'm smart and hot, you're smart and hot. Let's be a super-couple, and take over the world! Then we'll pass it on to our genetically and financially gifted children to continue our legacy of domination.").... Um, no thanks.

When I met Lu, I'd come across a lot of guys who made me feel beautiful, intelligent, funny, sexy, and even adored. However, dating Lu brought a new feeling that I had never experienced in my first dates or my awkward pseudo-relationships: safety.

I didn't recognize what this feeling was until our first pre-marital counseling session with the late Apostle Robert Hill and his wife Pastor Barbara Hill. They asked us both a seemingly simple question, "How do you know you love the other person?"

We launched into long monologues about the big feelings and the small details that let us know that what we were feeling was true love. We discussed what made this relationship special, and we tried to put into words why this was different than anything we'd experienced before.

After we'd poured out our feelings, Apostle Hill said, in his soft-spoken yet direct way, "It's rare for people, especially men, to be able to go into such detail about why they love someone. Two things that I heard from you that make me convinced that you're going into marriage for the right reasons are that Ashley makes you feel worthy and Jeremy makes you feel safe. Those are the cornerstone for any successful marriage."

Safe? Hmmm, well I guess that was true. As a woman who prides herself on independence, I realized that I'd grown to trust Lu to take care of me. Not to totally take over my life, but I didn't mind him stepping in where he was needed.

When I had surgery last year, he was there. When my car needed to be fixed, he articulated the problem to the mechanic naturally. When I was stressed about prelims, he would come over and cook dinner, walk Maggie, or just bring me bubble tea to help me through. I didn't rely on Lu to do these things, but I felt comfortable handing him the reins.

The topic of safety and security came up in our other counseling sessions often. I realized that this was the one thing that I'd never felt in other relationships. The one thing that sent me running after the first date. I never felt that I could not only let my guard down, but also let someone else take control of something that was "mine" and truly integrate him into my life.

Sure, I'll miss the coquettish flirting and the witty charm that comes with those first few dates. I'll miss the slight hesitation that comes with a guy reaching for my hand for the first time or putting an arm around my shoulder. I feel slightly disappointed when someone smiles at me from across the room, and then his gaze drops to my left hand and he moves on. (Although, the ring check is honestly a pretty cool experience, too.)

Nonetheless, there's nobody who I'd rather date than Lu. Nobody whose shoulder is the perfect resting place for my head. Nobody who I can make up random words and be completely goofy with on an otherwise normal day. Nobody who I'd rather dress up and put on perfume for before we go out. Nobody who I could see myself waking up next to at 65 and still thinking he's the most handsome man in the world, even with a potbelly, bifocals, and gray hair.

Lu is my best friend, my refuge, and the man who makes me confident that the giddiness and the fun of a million first dates are nothing compared to a lifetime with someone who knows me -- even the not so witty and charming parts -- and loves me for it.