They say that the proposal is to the groom, what the wedding is to the bride. I couldn't agree more with this statement. Why else would something as seemingly simple as getting down on one knee, saying "will you marry me" (or some variation thereof), and putting a ring on her finger, conjure up feelings of excitement, surprise, and often fear and stress. Why do men go to great extremes (think Jumbotron, skywriting, or fireworks display) or no extreme at all to find the "perfect" way to convince her to say "yes."
The reality is, the proposal (in my expert opinion) sets the tone for the wedding and impending marriage. For without a proposal, there is nothing else.
I must admit, however, that by going through the proposal process, I've come to realize that there actually isn't a "perfect" proposal; at least not in the planning stages. Every idea has potential, most locations carry with them some sort of sentimental value, and more often than not, she's going to say "yes" regardless of how you ask.
So how do you sift through the infinite number of possibilities to find the best way to ask? I really don't know, but I can tell you how I did it.
My proposal story starts much earlier than the morning of the day I asked her; like three to four months earlier, when I was out to breakfast with some fellas from church. Throughout our conversation, we covered the usual basics: spiritual walks, career aspirations, a healthy dose of guy humor, etc. What was unusual, however was the time and attention we gave to our personal lives, in particular, our relationships with our respective significant others. What started as a simple "how's (insert name here) doing?" quickly turned into a "Do you think she's the one?"
Sidebar: I've always thought that Val and I had something special, something I've never experienced in a relationship before. I knew she had the potential to be a great wife and a great mother. We openly admitted very early on that we weren't just dating for the sake of dating. I was an undergrad in engineering around that time, so I had plenty of academic related stuff to occupy all of my time. We both had the shared ideal of one day getting married.
So my response to the question naturally was "yeah, I think she's the one" and listed some sound reasons why. It didn't end there though. The question that followed didn't have an immediate answer. It was, "What does God say?". I've always thought God was in favor of our relationship. I've prayed about us and for us. I would like to credit her for helping me strengthen my relationship with God. Yet, I still wasn't certain that God was in favor of us getting married.
For that next week, I did a lot of prayer and meditation on the subject. I was originally expecting a loud thunderous "YES" or "NO" to come from the sky, but the manner in which I received the answer was quite different.
For that next week, I did a lot of prayer and meditation on the subject. I was originally expecting a loud thunderous "YES" or "NO" to come from the sky, but the manner in which I received the answer was quite different.
Instead of a verbal answer, God took me back on a journey through our whole relationship, and showed me how He placed Val in my life for a very specific reason, to help me accomplish the things that I could not do alone. To be there not only in a romantic capacity, but also as a spiritual counsel and as an emotional support. To not only share life's greatest moments, but greatest disappointments; and I can honestly say that since our initial introduction (be it her version or mine), she has grown from a casual acquaintance, to the best friend I can't live without.
Now that I was certain that God showed me that she was in fact "the one," the real planning began. I had already started saving for an engagement ring (didn't want any extra debt), so the majority of the planning focused on acquiring the ring and finding a way to give it to her. Actually getting the ring was a little bit harder than one might imagine, because of the fact that the ring she fell in love with was at a jeweler located about an hour outside of Ann Arbor. Coming up with an excuse to justifiably skip town for a few hours all the while going on cell phone silence, presented quite a challenge. Luckily, or rather divinely, the day I went to get the ring (couldn't pass up the jeweler's 20% sale), Val was at a conference in Atlanta at the closing banquet...problem solved.
With spiritual confirmation and a ring, the only hurdle left was finding the "perfect" way to give it to her...and that's where the frustration began.
Now that I was certain that God showed me that she was in fact "the one," the real planning began. I had already started saving for an engagement ring (didn't want any extra debt), so the majority of the planning focused on acquiring the ring and finding a way to give it to her. Actually getting the ring was a little bit harder than one might imagine, because of the fact that the ring she fell in love with was at a jeweler located about an hour outside of Ann Arbor. Coming up with an excuse to justifiably skip town for a few hours all the while going on cell phone silence, presented quite a challenge. Luckily, or rather divinely, the day I went to get the ring (couldn't pass up the jeweler's 20% sale), Val was at a conference in Atlanta at the closing banquet...problem solved.
With spiritual confirmation and a ring, the only hurdle left was finding the "perfect" way to give it to her...and that's where the frustration began.
I had many ideas in mind, many ideal locations, and many different ways I wanted to convey the simple yet purposeful message "do you want to spend the rest of your life with me." Ironically, (not boasting) I was pretty certain that regardless of how, when, and where it happened Val would say yes. By this point we had already started our pre-engagment journey, and openly talked about a potential timeline and even some proposal places.
At first I thought this was stealing the thunder and mysteriousness from my plans but seeing her face light up with every idea I threw at her made me confident that wherever it was, whenever it was, it was going to be "perfect." So for that reason, the proposal became as much about what I wanted it to be as it did what she wanted.
Considering those two together, my ideas ranged from a nice dinner and movie at the house, to a nice walk in the park, to the spot of our first date or first kiss, to a random scenic stop on a drive back to Maryland, or even announcing it over a plane's PA system if were were to fly back to MD instead of driving. Needless to say, I needed some focus. Luckily Val provided that. In terms of timing, I could tell that as the semester was closing out, she started to get a little antsy. So I moved the time frame from mid-to-late May up to late-April/early-May. This limited me to Michigan since a trip to MD wouldn't happen until possibly the end of May.
Val also expressed concern about having, in her words, "chewed up nails" on the day I proposed. This helped me focus some more: make sure she had a manicure close to the time I was going to propose.
Lastly, since we were going to be in Michigan, I knew that she would like for her parents to, if not be involved, at least be able to relive the moment with us...so I needed someone to take pictures.
Considering all of this, and with a little help from my mom, I put together a proposal that Val would remember for the rest of her/our lives....
This is too cute! =) I enjoyed reading this. You write very well.
Lu...you brought tears to my eyes. I knew you were a special from the time I witnessed your toothless smile and to see the man God has created you to be really brings my heart joy. I love you Jeremy Brown and I am excited that God has sent Ashley to be your helpmeet.