Lu and I put God at the center of our marriage before we were even engaged.

However, we always wanted to write our own vows. We figured that as long as we stuck in the "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" lines and the pastor approved, we'd be totally fine.

No.

Our pastor put his foot down and said that we were going to have the entire sacred ceremony as written in the United Methodist Church tradition. We could do some other stuff to personalize the experience, but vows are something that we wouldn't be messing with under his watch.

I've known our officiating pastor since I was 9 years old, and I deeply respect him. If that's what he believed to be best, then that's what we were going to do.



Instead of writing our own vows, Lu and I have a part of the ceremony called Letters of Devotion. We plan to read one-page letters to each other expressing our love, devotion (hence the title), etc.


I've been "writing" it in my head for the last few weeks, and it sounded touching and genuine. I've even teared up a few times at the thought of reading my mind-written letter to Lu on our wedding day.

Nonetheless, when I typed it up on the computer, it just wasn't what I expected. It sounded trite, and too romanticized, and kinda cheesy, but at the same time too academic. I don't know. I just don't like this letter!

And the one-page limit didn't help. To be totally honest, I made up that part myself. Lu and I have exchanged many cards over the last few years and both of us can be quite long-winded. I figured that having a page limit would keep us focused and our guests from getting bored.

But, in fact, I can express the way I feel about my letter in two words: it sucks.

At least it did, until last night. Yesterday evening, after spending several hours with David Tutera, I went over to my friend's house to do some pre-wedding scrapbooking. I made a scrapbook for Lu last year and had been meaning to organize our pictures and momentos since then and from our engagement into something a bit more creative than a digital file on my computer and/or "our box."

The only problem is that I totally cheated on my scrapbook last year. I got a pre-designed album where you just had to insert pictures. Add a few stickers, and I had a gorgeous, creativity-free scrapbook.

Since I wanted to do this one from the ground up, I reached out to a friend who is also into crafts, a few more friends joined in, and we had a "crafternoon."

Our backgrounds are the stuff that great movies like Waiting to Exhale and Something New are made of: four black women in their late twenties, all with at least one graduate degree, and in different stages in their romantic life. You have the newlywed friend, the friend in a serious relationship with potentially the one, the friend who recently ended a serious relationship and is now redefining her dating persona, and me -- the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed youngest who is about to jump the broom.

All united by a love for arts and crafts.... C'mon. Insert a few flashbacks, and we've got a blockbuster in the making.



But seriously, talking to these women about love, relationships, marriage, and the illusive work-life balance was such a great outlet for me.

I won't get too much into anybody else's business. However, our conversations and general tangents truly helped me realize just how much I've grown as a person since I met Lu and how much he's truly been a blessing to my life.

Finding love, nurturing love, committing to love, and maintaining love are each difficult phases in their own right. Looking back at our past and looking forward to our future, I've decided to toss out my own vows and start new. Not just with something that sounds good, but with words and meaning that resound in my heart.