... I really am this relaxed.

In the last week, I've had several people comment on how calm I seem to be with the wedding planning process. Everyone's surprised that I was able to put together a wedding that's shaping up to be really beautiful in only a few months.

Since we're admittedly having a short engagement, people assume that everything has to be rushed, stressful, and/or shoddy.... Or that I have a "little secret" (i.e. I'm pregnant).... Or that Jeremy and I actually planned the whole thing last year.

I assure you that none of these scenarios is true.

Don't get me wrong, there were some stressful times in the beginning with finding a place and working out the guest list. However, once we got the ball rolling, things have gone pretty smoothly.

In fact, it's actually been less stressful for me to plan a wedding in a short amount of time without a coordinator than if I had 18 months and someone else running the show. It seems counterintuitive, but it's worked for me for two reasons: 1) I'm indecisive, and 2) I want to know everything that's going on.

I work much better when I have definite deadlines. The closer the deadline, the less time I have to dilly-dally around. With the wedding, I have just enough time to seek out options, make up my mind, and move forward.


As my wedding porn series demonstrates, I get tons of advertisements every day in addition to the books, magazines, websites, etc. that I seek out on my own. If I had 18 months to plan, I would drive myself nuts second-guessing every decision.

As far as having a coordinator, I think they're great for people who aren't detail-oriented or who don't want to be bothered. However, I love details, and I have the time and energy to spend on making sure our wedding reflects Lu and me to a tee.

If I had a coordinator, I'd be hovering over her shoulder all the time wanting copies of every email, transcriptions of every phone conversation, and details about everything that was vetoed. Okay, I probably wouldn't be that extreme, but you get the idea. The coordinator would be extremely annoyed with me because planning weddings is her career, whereas I have no experience. At the same time, not knowing everything would drive me crazy.

I also have three secret weapons: I'm a graduate student with a BlackBerry and a blog. As a student, my schedule is flexible. I can make phone calls and go to appointments during the day when most brides are at work. With my BlackBerry, I can read and respond to emails immediately.

As far as the blog, writing about the things I have to do, would-be stressors, or just what's going through my mind has been really therapeutic. The comments on my posts and the conversations I have with readers are sooo encouraging.

There's nothing like running into someone that I haven't seen in awhile and having them confess, "Hey! How've you been?... Well actually, I already kinda know because I read your blog. Did you guys decide on your honeymoon yet?!"

This type of interaction is much more my style than getting "summaries" from or -- even worse -- having official meetings with a coordinator to go over updates. Some people prefer the formality, but I like to know what's happening, when it's happening, and what needs to be done next.



With that being said, Lu and I are going to have a coordinator the day of the wedding -- two coordinators, actually. I'll put all the plans in place, but I have no problems turning off my phone and letting Lu's aunt and cousin run the show with my sister as an emergency back up. Between those three people, I know that things will go smoothly.

I know some people are reading this and thinking I'm crazy: either for being a control freak or for not sitting back and taking advantage of being a "princess" for a day. However, to be clear, I don't mind assuming the princess position sometimes. I'd be crazy to try to do everything myself. I certainly don't mind asking for help and delegating tasks.

Nonetheless, between the wealth of information available on the internet and DIY stores like Michaels, coordinators don't have the monopoly on the wedding market that they once did. You can find books, websites, and probably an iPhone application that will take you through every step of planning your wedding.

I'm not a control freak or a bridezilla..... I'm just a 21st-century bride who actually likes to dig in and get my hands dirty.



In fact, the only periods of stress that I have are from calming other people down. I think a lot of people buy into the hype that it takes a long time to plan a great wedding.

It really is hard for people to accept that Lu and I have things under control. Someone's always asking, "What about x?" or "Have you thought about y?" or "Don't forget about z!! You did forget... didn't you?"

It's almost like a test to see what we're missing. I have to say that we're passing with flying colors. Every now and then, there's a detail that we have to make a decision about, but we're pretty much solid.

Bottom Line: You don't have to spend over a year planning your wedding, you don't have to hire a coordinator before the wedding day, and it's okay if you're not super-stressed.

With that being said, planning your own wedding is not for the disorganized, the faint of heart, or the people pleasers. If you're the person that forgets to follow-up on emails, isn't ready to be bombarded with questions, or takes everyone's advice and doubts to heart, then planning a wedding will be miserable.

My advice to any bride who is thinking about planning her own wedding is that you really have to make yourself happy. There's not a "right" way to do anything; and if there is one, then there are millions of exceptions to that rule. Find something that works, and run it by a few people who have experience running weddings. If the feedback is overwhelmingly positive, then smile and nod (but ignore, ignore, ignore) the Debbie Downers.... and get some file folders.