On Sunday, Lu and I had our wedding shower. Before I get into details, I just have to thank my Michigan bridal party crew for planning a wonderful event!

Thanks to Ms. N for sending out the invitations; Ms. L for decorations, games, and favors; Ms. K for hosting, games, and baking her delicious cupcakes (to be featured in the coffee shop that Lu and I plan to open circa 2025); and Ms. P for the ammaaazzing spaghetti she made.

Ms. L and Ms. K -- our hostesses and two amazing friends.

These girls definitely came through for me. If you can't tell by now, I'm a super planner. It was really hard for me to turn over the reins completely, but I really could not have asked for anything more. :-)

So what exactly is a couples shower, and why the heck would anyone want to have one?

A couples shower is a lot like a regular bridal shower -- there's mingling, food, games, and gifts. The only (big) difference is that there are also men.

The old school way of doing a bridal shower was for my 15-50 closest female friends and relatives to come together over punch and cake, make me wear "wedding dresses" made out of toilet paper and "hats" constructed from gift bows, and watch my face as I open the lingerie picked out by my great-aunt.... Can you say awkward?

Since Lu and I do practically everything together, including wedding planning, then we figured a couples shower would be a fun way to celebrate our impending nuptials. (I love that phrase.) Since his parents were in town last weekend, and some of our friends and family in Michigan won't be able to make it to the wedding, then it made it even more convenient to include everyone.

Ms. L and Ms. K picked out some great gender-neutral games to play. For the first game, everyone had to write a six-line poem about Lu and I. The men added an interesting element and there were a good mix of sweet, funny, and semi-but-still-appropriate raunchy verses.  One of the winning poems ended with a verse that was something like, "now that all the plans are made, just a few weeks until the panty raid."

Another highlight was the sweet poem from Jeremy's dad:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Jeremy loves Ashley,
And his mother and I do, too.

Us with Lu's parents.

For the second game, everyone had to fill out a "love letter" from Lu to me using brand names of household products. Again, some of the guys grumbled about not cleaning and not knowing what to write, but the winner was one of our male friends. Another sign of the times: twenty-something men that live alone actually do clean their houses!

Then we opened some really great gifts. (I kinda want to start using some of them now. Are we allowed?!)

Lu and I opening gifts.

Then we closed the shower playing wedding bingo. The winner was an adorable and super-smart little boy from church, who was really excited. Although the shower was geared toward adults, the kids enjoyed themselves with the games... and the cupcakes.

Gian, our Wedding Bingo winner!

Lu and I had a wonderful time at our couples shower, and I really hope this trend continues to grow.

However, I'm also excited to see what my sisters have in store for my traditional bridal shower in Maryland. Even though regular bridal showers make me a little nervous, I think it's almost a rite of passage to be fussed over as "Ashley, the baby" (I'm 18 years behind my sisters and 23 behind my brother) becomes "Ashley, the bride."

Once again, I left them in total control with only one condition: do not encourage people to buy me panties!

Saturday was Lu's birthday, and we took a trip to Canada with his parents. We went to a restaurant in Leamington, toured a few vineyards, walked along a beach on Lake Erie, and overloaded on blueberry pie.

Outside of a winery on Lake Erie

Eating blueberry pie at Klassman's

However, the highlight of our trip was our stay at the Iron Kettle Bed and Breakfast. This place is a gorgeous B&B that has only been open since September 2009. We loved the house, the décor, the rooms, and (of course) breakfast the next morning.

The Iron Kettle

After my stay at the Iron Kettle, I'm looking forward to our honeymoon even more. No, not the Costa Rica trip, but our three-day, post-wedding respite in Maryland at Lake Pointe Inn.

Although we aren't staying at Lake Pointe for long, Lu and I know that it'll be just enough time to recharge after a whirlwind wedding weekend. In addition to the couples hot stone massage that we booked, the inn has hiking trails, bikes, a fire pit, and offers a boat ride on the lake in the evening.

That is, if we have enough energy to come out of our room! Lu and I picked the "Friend Room" to stay in for our honeymoon.  By starting off our relationship and soon-to-be-marriage as friends, we really liked the name.... not to mention the double-sided fireplace, spa tub, great view, reading nook, and walk-in shower with four jets and two showerheads.

The Friend Room at Lake Pointe Inn

Now that the wedding is fast-approaching and school is starting next week, we know that the next six weeks are going to fly by. We will be more than ready to take a break from it all, but just for a few days.... Lu and I can't sit still much longer than that!


If you've never stayed in a bed and breakfast, here's what to expect:

-- an older but renovated home, usually with wood floors and tons of character. Some even have themes. Last year, for our anniversary, Lu and I stayed in a Log Cabin Suite at a bed and breakfast in Saugatuck, MI.  Admittedly a bit cheesy, but with the double-sided fireplace and ridiculously huge tub, we really felt like we were in an upscale cabin getaway.

One of the sitting rooms at the Iron Kettle

-- friendly, flexible, and informative innkeepers. No front desk or concierge here! Most innkeepers actually live in their B&B. They know the town like the back of their hand and want you to enjoy your stay. On this trip, we arrived later than we planned, and the innkeeper left the keys in a bush by the front door.

-- interesting, somewhat chatty, guests. Most bed and breakfasts cater to couples, but sometimes you'll run into traveling businessmen, performers, and families. Since a B&B is meant to feel like "home," breakfast is often shared around a dining table or in a breakfast nook with other guests.

-- a comfortable bed and great food.  Since the Iron Kettle was recently renovated, our mattresses had memory foam toppers and felt amazing after a long day. For breakfast the next morning, we had coffee, tea, orange juice, fruit, banana bread, green eggs and ham (i.e. eggs scrambled with spinach and real Canadian bacon), and breakfast potatoes. At other B&Bs, I've had breakfast quiche and specialty pancakes.  Many B&Bs also have some snacks available throughout the day, as well as beverages including bottled water, soda, and wine.

Lu's mom in the Walking Stick room, refreshed after a good night's rest.

-- great rates. Although the prices of B&Bs can vary, you can expect to typically pay anywhere from $75-$200 depending on the location, season, and type of room. Most B&Bs are less expensive than area hotels, and with the personalized experience, privacy, and great food -- they are 100% worth it.

Today is Lu's 25th birthday! :-)

One thing I love about Lu is his versatility. Last year, we spent Lu's birthday in Mexico. We explored ancient ruins, ziplined and canoed across a lake in the jungle, snorkeled in a cave, swam with sea turtles, then had a wonderful dinner at our 5-star resort in Playa del Carmen -- definitely an adventure.

 This is one of my favorite pictures of us! It was right before we went snorkeling -- can you tell how terrified I am?!

This year, we're doing something totally different. We're heading to Canada with Lu's parents to go on a wine tour, check out a few national parks, explore a cute town just outside of Windsor, and stay in a cozy bed and breakfast.

I'm really excited, but now I have to cut this post short because Lu's ready to go!

I have had a beyond busy week, and I apologize for slacking on my blogging. Since my last post on Monday, I have:

-- survived a sleepover with my cheerleading team: 17 high school freshmen and sophomores who were wide awake until 3 a.m.
-- finished the final draft of my prospectus and am two committee members away from scheduling my defense
-- finalized my schedule (and funding) for the political science conference next week
-- set up a cake tasting with our new baker. Yes, new baker.... Long story, to be discussed in a later post.
-- went to the doctor for my allergy shots and a yearly check up
-- took Maggie to the vet for vaccinations
-- hung out with Lu's parents, usually eating way too much food
-- completed two projects for one of my side jobs  (editing)
-- started a project for my research assistantship (data coding and analysis)
-- emailed all of our vendors to let them know that Lu and I would be in town next weekend for the last time before the wedding to schedule any last-minute appointments
-- planned an overnight trip to Canada to celebrate Lu's birthday
--  celebrated Lu's father's birthday
-- coached my first game (super-nostalgic!)
-- drove back and forth across town selling items from my home and Lu's, so that he'll be able to move out of his place next week and start moving things into mine
-- re-organized my closet and dresser drawers to accommodate Lu's stuff
-- picked the wines for our wedding
-- spent some quality time with one of my bridesmaids and hostesses... even if I did have a mini-meltdown in the grocery store because I was stressed out about all-of-the-above on the list. I love these girls -- nothing like a group hug in Meijer to remind you of what real friendship is all about!

.... And I wasn't the only one with a busy week. Lu was extra-stressed with planning a conference for transfer students in the engineering department. With the conference starting next week and his boss out of town this week,  Lu was doing everything from meeting with program advisors, to stuffing folders, to arranging the schedule, to picking up students from the airport after midnight.

WHAT A WEEK!!! UGH!!!!!

Despite all of this, one thing that Lu and I did not have to worry about was wedding RSVPs. We sent out invitations a few weeks ago, and we've been getting back RSVPs fairly consistently since then. (I owe you guys a post on that!)

Normally, the RSVP process can be tedious: keeping track of who has RSVPed, who still needs to RSVP, handling guests who RSVP for more people than were invited, and worrying about RSVPs getting lost in the mail.

However, in addition to giving us our lovely website, Wedding Tracker also has a really great RSVP management system.  Our internet-savvy guests can RSVP directly through our website. All they need to do is to input their last name and zipcode, scroll to their specific invitation, and fill out details on how many people in their party are coming.

This is also great on our end because Wedding Tracker allows us to save:

1) Time: Although we did put response cards in each envelope, the majority of guests are filling out their information on our automatically-updated website. Guests are also able to access details about the wedding ceremony, reception, bridal showers, registry, travel, and accommodations through our site.

2) Money: Lu and I saved over $50 on stamps. Although we obviously had to put stamps on the invitations going out, we only put stamps on the response card envelopes of people who either do not have easy internet access or who we thought would prefer to send in a more formal RSVP. We ended up putting return stamps on less than 20% of our invitations.

3) Sanity: Wedding Tracker helps us manage our guest list, as well as keep track of invites mailed, RSVPs received, gifts received, and thank you notes sent.

4) The Environment: Our invitations were really simple -- outer envelope, invitation, response card, response card envelope, and magnet.  While this sounds like a lot, most wedding invitations include a ton more paper. Everything from inner envelopes, to reception cards, to directions from the ceremony to the reception, to registry cards can make a typical wedding invitation tip the scales at the post office. 

Wedding Tracker has become our quick-reference, 24/7 wedding coordinator. Instead of answering emails and calls from guests or dealing with people who've lost various parts of their invitation, we just refer everyone to our website. That way, Lu and I can focus on checking off the million other things on our to-do list.

In the last four months, more guys have hit on me than at any other time in my life. And it's not just the typical mid-twenties to mid-thirties, attractive, young black professionals that constituted my pre-Lu dating life.

Nope, I've been approached by everyone from a 16-year-old football player to a 65-year-old  retired banker. At Starbucks, at the grocery store, or just hanging out on campus -- all races, ages, and professions have suddenly taken an interest.

Here's a scenario from yesterday:


I'm walking Maggie down the street when a taxi pulls up beside me. The 30-something, slightly overweight but semi-attractive driver smiles at me and says, "Hi! What a cute dog you've got!"


I cautiously lower my guard a bit but still lightly brush my pocket to check for my pepper spray. (I really don't like when cars slow down when I'm walking on the street -- not to mention most serial killers are white, male 30-somethings in the Midwest. Besides, he has a good cover as a taxi driver. Paranoid much? Yes, I know.)

"Thanks!"

"You're welcome. It's such a gorgeous day to take a walk. The sun's shining, a breeze is blowing."


"Yeah, it really is a perfect day."


"Yep, couldn't ask for more. Well, actually I could, but given the ring on your left hand I know I'd be turned down. Have a great day!"

Then he drives off.

Huh? Did that really just happen?!

More and more, men have come up to me with these pseudo-pick up lines or just commented on how beautiful I am out of nowhere. Then they just end the conversation and get on with their day.

Before I was engaged, guys would approach me when I was out with friends, or they'd strike up a conversation in the coffee shop. It'd always end with them asking for my phone number or sliding me one their business cards.

[Side note: I really hate the whole "Here's my card" thing. I realize it's supposed to be smooth and convey "I'm kind of a big deal" (emphasis added);. but it comes off like a business transaction or, even worse, a proposition. I especially despise when there's an impressive-sounding, but semi-ambiguous title on the card. Example: Sound engineer. Puh-leeze!! That means you probably make beats in your apartment, if not your parents' basement, in your spare time.... Trust me, guys, you're only going to attract the gold-diggers. If you're genuinely interested in a woman, exchange numbers and follow up with her.]

Back to my point: this is a whole new song and dance. The reason? My engagement ring.


My conclusion is that men realize I'm off-limits. Therefore, they can compliment me or even be a little flirtatious with no consequences. If I turn them down, it's not a blow to their self-esteem. I'm obviously taken.

Most men will even mention my non-single status during our brief exchange in the form of "your fiancé/husband is a lucky guy," "no disrespect because I see that you're spoken for...", and (my favorite) "I won't go any further -- unless your ring isn't real, or you're divorced, or maybe widowed?"

To be totally honest, I like the ring check. It's definitely an unexpected bonus of being engaged. At "worst," it feels good to be complimented out of the blue. At best, I get a funny story.

Lu's parents are in town! (Yep, FIL stands for future-in-laws -- kinda long to write out more than a few times.)

They got in yesterday and will be staying ten days, which originally seemed great. Then we started to wonder, how the heck were we going to keep them entertained for that long?

This is a busy week between Lu's dad's birthday, Lu's birthday, our couples bridal shower, and Lu's move.  That takes care of several days/evenings. Then we were thinking of taking them to a few museums around the area, doing some outlet shopping, and...???



Lucky for us, Lu's parents also had some ideas of what they wanted to do: a day trip to Canada, an overnight visit to one of the beaches on Lake Michigan, and dinner with Lu's cousins.  Now we're wondering if we'll have enough time to fit in everything.

The week's definitely going to fly by, but I know that we're going to have a great time.

I know that some of you are wondering how I feel about spending so much time with my FILs, and I'm actually really excited about it. Lu's parents have raised a terrific son, and I'm looking forward to being their new daughter.

Lu's family has welcomed me (and Maggie) with open arms. We've spent time together several times in the last few years, including staying two weeks at his house over Christmas. They totally surprised us with a dog bed, new bowls, and treats for their "first grandchild."

On the reverse, Lu also looks forward to spending time with my family whenever we go to Maryland or they visit Michigan. We always have a great time, and it really touches me that my family looks at Lu like he already belongs -- even if my 14-year-old nephew is still undecided about whether he'll call Lu "uncle."



Both of us have heard the horror stories about in-laws, and we're truly blessed to not have that experience. Granted, it's not like we're holding hands and singing "Kumbaya" together. Lu's mom has definitely voiced her opinion when she thinks we're being spoiled, my mom will definitely say something if we're acting selfish, and Lu and I don't always agree with and/or follow our parents advice (or tell them everything in the first place).

However, I think that's what makes the relationship dynamics work. Our parents have loved and protected us for a quarter of a century. Whether we're children and disobeying, teenagers and rebelling, or adults and leaving the nest to start our own family: they want us to be happy.

We are going to make mistakes, and the point is not to say, "I told you so" or to argue. It's to guide us and be there.  It's not about me "taking Lu away" or about him making me "abandon my family's needs" for his. We'll always need our families, and honestly, they'll always need us, too.

Etsy has been so great to me during the wedding planning process!

In earlier posts (under "attire" and "flowers"), I've mentioned how BellaFiore did our boutonnieres, corsages, and made me a matching purse for the wedding.




Now I have something else that's super-cool! (Yes, I said "super-cool." I'm really excited about this!!)

As a reminder of the vow that I'm making on October 16, 2010. I will be hanging my dress on my very own hanger that says, "Mrs. Brown" -- personalized, sentimental, and functional.



LilaFrances makes these personalized hangers, and they provide great photo ops for your wedding dress.  At $25 a pop, they aren't cheap. However, since this is one of the few items that I "had" to have, then I'm totally willing to swallow the cost.



After I received the hanger, I also thought of another great use for it: lingerie.

Not just on our wedding night, but I'll hang my lingerie on my "Mrs. Brown" hanger on the morning of every anniversary. That way Lu can imagine all day what I'll look like that night... not sure how enticing that image will be in 50 years, but it'll definitely help keep the spice in our marriage!

If you haven't figured it out by now, our goal for the wedding is to make things as fun and comfortable as possible without totally breaking tradition. As I get together my wedding beauty plan, I've realized that there are some things about beauty that are neither fun nor comfortable.

All of the following are "normal" for weddings and special occasions in general, but I really just can't decide which ones are worth doing:


1) Facials: Pretty mild and common, except for one part: extractions. An extraction is basically when a dermatologist, or aesthetician, pops your pimples with a sharp, metal tool. It's not "supposed" to be painful, but it's definitely not pleasant.




2) False Eyelashes: Again, pretty mild and common. However, applying fake eyelashes requires some skill because you actually glue the lashes as close to the edge of your eye as you can. After all, you want them to blend in with your real ones.  Some people love false eyelashes and swear that they're the only way for your lashes to "show up" in pictures.

That may be true, but with my tendency to rub, pluck, and cry, wearing mascara alone will be tricky enough on my wedding day. I don't need to worry about some foreign substance glued to my eyelids.




4) Teeth Bleaching: I'm a coffee drinker. (Aahhh, just another side effect of graduate school.) While my teeth are fairly white, they're not as sparkly as they used to be a few years ago, and I'm tempted to go to the dentist and get my teeth bleached before the big day.

Nonetheless, the several hundred dollar price and horror stories of tooth sensitivity after the procedure have kept me away.  Teeth are meant to chew food. If it hurts to chew, then something's not right!  Also, note that I used the term "bleaching." You may be more familiar with "whitening," but professionals oftentimes use real bleach to make your teeth shine beyond humanly possible. I think I'll pass.

There are other alternatives, such as take-home kits from the dentist ($100-250) or even at-home kits from the drugstore (about $20). These don't use bleach to whiten, but instead remove stains from your teeth to restore their natural color. That sounds right up my alley.

And if all else fails, nothing "whitens" my teeth faster than putting on red lipstick.

5) Body Shapers: Corsets, girdles, and now "body shapers." Women are always looking for ways to alter what God (and McDonalds) gave them. Go into any lingerie store or bridal boutique and they have tons of options to push up the breasts, cinch the waist, flatten the tummy, and even lift the booty.

There are two problems with these: 1) When you take it off, you still have your real body underneath; and 2) They're notoriously uncomfortable. Even the people who like them, say that wearing them isn't natural. One of my friends even told me, "They make you look amazing! Any discomfort you feel is gone when you realize how great you look. Besides, you just get used to not fully breathing."

HUH?!... Oh, wait. I guess it's kinda like you get used to eating without chewing once your teeth are bleached.


My mind also flashes back to Mrs. R's wedding day when all she wanted to do at the end of the night was get her bustier off. (Side note: Am I the only one who thinks it's hilarious that "boo-stee-ay" is spelled the same as "busty-er"?)

Mrs. R is thin. There wasn't a whole lot being cinched in, but the first thing she did when it was off was take a deep breath and thank God. And not in a pagan sort of way, but in an eyes closed, hand raised, mini-prayer.

There are people who argue that the dress "looks better" with something on underneath, and I can see why brides want to believe this: when you put on a shaper, you feel like a whole lot's being sucked in. Sorry to say it, but the difference really isn't that noticeable.

Last month, I bought a shaper, tried it on with my dress, and took a picture. Yes, it was a little smoother than the picture without the shaping, but I wasn't totally convinced. After a month of working out, I tried on the dress without any extra shaping, took a picture, and wouldn't you know it?? I look better now with nothing on than with the shaper a month ago, and I can breathe.

My thoughts? Skip the shaper, not the gym.


6) Waxing: Let's end with a bang (or a yank)! Waxing literally involves pouring a hot, sticky substance on patches of your body and ripping the hair out of your skin from the root. You can wax anywhere on your body that has hair -- yes, anywhere. Owww!

Over the course of the last 4 1/2 months that I've been blogging, I've told you about pre-engagement, counseling, our family and friends, wedding planning, our honeymoon, and probably more than you wanted to know about my thoughts and feelings during this time in my life.

Bottom Line: Marriage is a big deal, and Lu and I don't take it lightly.

But there is one detail that we'd kinda, almost forgotten about: our marriage license.

You know? That little piece of paper that verifies that all of this wedding business is legit?

Lu and I always assumed that on our next trip to Maryland over Labor Day, we'd go in and get our license. In and out, no sweat. Since we're going in a few weeks, we sat down last night to plan our trip.

That's where it all went downhill. The conversation went something like this (try to follow):


Me: Okay, so I've got the APSA Conference Sept. 2-5. Then my bridal shower is the evening of the 5th, which is a Sunday. I also have to renew my driver's license, we have to get our marriage license, and Reverend Davies wants us to have dinner with the couple he mentioned during our counseling.... That's going to be a crazy weekend.


Lu: Yeah, and I can't leave Michigan until Sept. 3 -- in the afternoon because of the conference I'm running up here.


Me: I guess it makes the most sense for me to fly out a day ahead of you, and then you could fly to DC that Friday.


Lu: What about Maggie?


Me: Hmmm, I guess I could fly with her. Then maybe leave her with my parents? I don't think I can take her on the Metro, but I don't want my parents to have to pick me up from the airport when I'm a few Metro stops away from my hotel.


Lu: And I'm NOT flying with Maggie. Maggie? On a plane? Without her Mom?! Yeah, right.


Me: Good point. Maggie would go crazy. Maybe I'll drive. We'll have gifts from the bridal shower to take back, and besides, how would I get to the court to get our marriage license without a car?


Lu: We've already done that drive twice this summer. You could probably find someone in your family to take you to the court. Although, it would be cheaper to drive.


Me: Not really -- between gas, tolls, food along the way, and the stress. Not to mention parking in DC. Besides, my grant's paying for my travel, so we only have to pay for one ticket.... Then again, driving might be doable because I could leave my car with my family, and we don't have to be back at school until Sept. 8.


Lu: No, Sept. 7.


Me: Sept. 7? That Tuesday?


Lu: Yeah, that's when classes start. I thought they were the 8th, but I was wrong. 


Me: If you can't fly out until Friday, and we have to leave on Monday.... How are we going to get our marriage license?!


Lu: Maybe we can get it Oct. 15.


Me: The day before the wedding? Really? No.... I'm not dealing with that stress, and I think you have to wait at least 2 days before it's valid anyway.


Lu: So what are we going to do? 


Me: I have no idea. What if we can't get married???


Lu: No, babe. There has to be a way.


Me: That weekend's going to be busy already. Adding parking in DC or flying with Maggie, plus transporting gifts, and waiting at the DMV, and going to dinner, and then there's the conference. What are we going to do?


Lu: I have no idea.

So today we did some research.

It turns out that I can renew my driver's license by mail. I called and had the DMV send me the proper paperwork. Check.


The kennel -- excuse me, PetsHotel -- has space that weekend to board Maggie, and it'd only be $75 for three days. Whereas flying with her would be $75 each way, on top of my parents having to drive all the way to DC or Baltimore to pick her up from the airport. I hate boarding Maggie, but it makes the most sense in this situation.... Besides, they have Doggy Daycamp. :-) Check.

We can ship any gifts that we get at the bridal shower for under $100, unless I get over 125 lbs. worth of stuff; and I highly doubt that. Check.

We're going to call our pastor and ask if we can have dinner with the couple on Sept. 4, which is the day he originally said would be best for them. Check.

As far as the conference, I'll have Wednesday evening, all day Thursday, Friday afternoon, and all day Saturday.... I might go to a few panels Sunday morning, but I don't really feel bad about skipping out early on the last day. Check.

So now comes the marriage license. The part that I avoided.

Scarily enough, it turns out that getting a marriage license in PG County, Maryland is pretty easy.  All I need is a copy of Lu's driver's license, birth certificate, or passport, and some basic information about him. In fact, Lu doesn't even have to be there.... Yeah, I told you it was scary.

I'll have copies of Lu's identification, arrange for someone in my family to pick me up from the airport on Wednesday -- probably my parents because I'm coming in during non-rush hour times when there's still sunlight out. (I love my father but don't trust his vision!) We'll drive straight to the courthouse and the license.

Then I'll spend the night at home on Wednesday, probably letting my mom hold me and getting teary-eyed that I really am getting married. On Thursday morning, I'll ride into the city, check in early at my hotel (Hotel Palomar -- GORGEOUS, not to mention $99/night on Hotwire.com with their "secret deals"), and be at the conference with time to register and make it to the first plenary session. *whew*

.... And as a plan B, I'll Metro out to PG County on Friday morning, and my parents will drive me to the circuit court from there.

Either way, I'll meet Lu that evening, and we'll be in the clear for a hectic but enjoyable weekend!

Lu and I are not runners. We'll spin, swim, swing dance, and lift weights... just not run.

Super excited!! Our unity cross came today! :-)

Background: Many couples use a unity candle in their wedding ceremony. Typically, the unity candle has three parts: a large candle in the center with a thinner, taper candle on each side. The mothers light the smaller candles in the beginning of the ceremony. After the exchange of vows, the bride and groom take the candle of their respective "side" and light the larger candle together to symbolize the union of the two families.


Lu and I are both very family-oriented, and we love the idea of our families coming together.  However, our wedding isn't really about the joining of our families, it's about us.

Now before you roll your eyes and think I'm having a selfish bridezilla moment, it's true. All of our pre-marital counselors -- the senior pastors at the church we attend in Michigan, the wonderful couple that counseled us in Michigan, and the pastor at my home church in Maryland who's officiating the ceremony -- emphasized that our marriage is about the two of us.  Our families don't have to like each other. Heck, our families don't even have to like that we're married!

If God put it in our hearts that Lu and I are meant for each other, than nobody else's opinion matters. We should listen to wise advice and seek guidance when needed; but from the time we exchange our vows, our marriage is about Lu and me. In fact, we've even been cautioned to keep our marriage private. It's not about our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or even our future children -- our marriage is based on vows that we exchanged with each other.

Despite all of this, or rather because of it, Lu and I feel truly blessed that our families do get along. I love that I can spend a few weeks in South Carolina and feel at home. Lu is excited to drive to Maryland to hang out with my family. It's not unusual for our mothers to call each other up and chat on the phone.


More importantly, we are so happy that even beyond our parents, our families can interact with each other. When I looked back on the pictures of our engagement party, I can't tell you how much it touched my heart to see both of our families talking and laughing together. We didn't have to force it or coax them together, it just seemed so natural.


Therefore, Lu and I have decided to have a two-part unity ceremony. During the first part, Lu and I will assemble a unity cross. As you'll see in the video below, the cross symbolizes the joining of a man (the bold, solid frame) and a woman (the intricate, supporting piece). We can then display the cross in our home as a reminder of our vows and our strength as a couple.  Bonus: it looks much better than a unity candle, too!



As far as our families, our mothers will light the side candles at the beginning of the wedding as it's traditionally done. After we say our vows and assemble our unity cross, both sets of parents will come up together to light the unity candle for our families.

Logistically, I'm not sure how this will work in terms of timing, music, placement of the cross and candle, etc. However, I'm looking forward to Lu and I getting to spend a special moment with our parents during the actual ceremony.

After much debate about various honeymoon options, Lu and I have finally decided to go to... Costa Rica!!

When we got down to the basics about what appealed to us about each of our previous options, we came up with this list:

-- Mediterranean Cruise: Opportunity to explore several areas and have luxurious accommodations
-- Moroccan Tour: Exotic and Adventurous
-- Caribbean All-Inclusive: Budget-Friendly and Convenient

So we started from scratch and looked around the world for a place that would give us adventure, romance, luxury, and several different experiences at an affordable price.


Costa Rica fits all of our criteria and even more! During our 8-day honeymoon, we'll be hiking through the rain forest, taking a sunset sail on the Pacific Ocean, trying our hand at surfing on a private beach, rappelling down waterfalls, ziplining through the jungle, sipping wine and watching lava flow from an active volcano -- from the comfort of our personal bungalow's jacuzzi (that also has an outdoor shower), and picking and packaging our own coffee from a plantation that practices organic, sustainable farming.

Best of all, the pricetag for these experiences: under $4,000.

Feel free to check out our detailed itinerary here: http://www.travelersjoy.com/members/ashleyandjeremy2010/

When I think "bachelorette party," the following two scenarios immediately come to mind:

1) A bunch of women shaking it in the club, potentially in a hot tourist spot (i.e. Las Vegas or New York), with one wearing a "bride" sash and getting anywhere from tipsy to sloppily drunk, while random guys buy her drinks and attempt to grab or kiss her and strangers shout words of encouragement and/or warning.

2) A bunch of women at someone's house when an [insert blue-collar worker of choice] knocks on the door, says something corny, and starts to do some awkward striptease with a lot of grinding that's supposed to be sexy.

Which type of bride am I? Um, neither of the above.


Luckily, more options are opening up for non-club-hopping bachelorettes without stripper fetishes: wine-tasting, pampering parties, girls-only camping trips, and other activities for women who actually want to remember their bonding.

Instead of going to a club before my wedding, my sisters will be hosting an old-fashioned slumber party to celebrate my last night of being single.

Now I know that some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking I'm a lame. I admit: renting a limobus with friends sounds cool, and a night at the club could be fun....

But wait, that's what we're doing for our wedding reception after party!

Huh? After party? Won't Jeremy and I be extremely exhausted or "otherwise preoccupied" after our wedding?

Well, yes.

However, a lot of our friends are going to be coming in from out of town, including some that we haven't seen in years -- plural. We want to spend more time with them than just a few minutes thanking them at the reception. (For the older folks and early-risers, we'll be having a brunch on Sunday morning.)

In addition, our bridal party and guests live in over a dozen states. Getting everyone together for a bachelor or bachelorette party isn't practical or cost-effective, and I don't want to exclude anyone from the festivities.

Lu and I would much rather sacrifice a few hours of sleep and put our libidos on the back-burner for a bit to have some fun with all of our friends together.

Thanks to Chariots for Hire, we'll be able to do just that in our 35-passenger limobus.... And we're not the only ones jumping on this trend.

With the convenience of modern technology and transportation, it's a lot easier to remain "close" to people that you don't see in person on a regular basis.  Besides your garden variety Facebook stalking, it's easy to stay up-to-date with the latest happenings in your friends' lives via texting, email, and video chat. After all, Lu and I both agree that we fell in love over AOL Instant Messenger (AIM).

Technology still doesn't replace face-time with friends. It just makes it easier to pick up where you left off... even if it is four years later at a wedding.




I know that partying as a newlywed isn't the same as a crazy no-guys-allowed club night, but I have to be true to myself on this one.

When I think back to my memories of college, the nights that stand out aren't the ones at the house parties or the clubs... and there were plenty of those. The nights that I now cherish are the random ones with all of my friends packed into someone's dorm room until 3 AM, the impromptu sleepovers after we came back in for the night, or making s'mores in our apartment's fireplace -- using Duraflame logs. (Sooo we obviously didn't think that out up front, but we got a lot of laughs later.)

This is truly my last time to do that. The club will always be there. But I don't think Lu would be too comfortable if I wanted to invite my 10 closest girlfriends over for pizza, games, gossip, makeovers, and more junk food than I typically eat in a month.



I don't spend my normal weekends getting drunk, shaking it fast, or being groped by strangers. I certainly don't want to spend my last night with my closest gal pals this way just because I'm "supposed" to enjoy it.

To each their own, but throwing up on a street corner or paying a man to thrust his neon-spandex-covered penis in my face -- yeah, i just said that (sorry, Mom), but that's pretty much what strippers do -- is not how I want to say goodbye to singlehood.

My sleepover may not be the typical bachelorette party, and our after party may not be the typical wedding night. Regardless, I guarantee there will be as many memories and as much laughter with less damage to my liver, wallet, and dignity.

Invitations... are... done!

I'll recount the process, the pain, and the price next week. But for now, it's nap time.

Wedding porn is not only a total waste of money, but it can also involve wasting something even more precious: time.

... I really am this relaxed.

In the last week, I've had several people comment on how calm I seem to be with the wedding planning process. Everyone's surprised that I was able to put together a wedding that's shaping up to be really beautiful in only a few months.

Since we're admittedly having a short engagement, people assume that everything has to be rushed, stressful, and/or shoddy.... Or that I have a "little secret" (i.e. I'm pregnant).... Or that Jeremy and I actually planned the whole thing last year.

I assure you that none of these scenarios is true.

Don't get me wrong, there were some stressful times in the beginning with finding a place and working out the guest list. However, once we got the ball rolling, things have gone pretty smoothly.

In fact, it's actually been less stressful for me to plan a wedding in a short amount of time without a coordinator than if I had 18 months and someone else running the show. It seems counterintuitive, but it's worked for me for two reasons: 1) I'm indecisive, and 2) I want to know everything that's going on.

I work much better when I have definite deadlines. The closer the deadline, the less time I have to dilly-dally around. With the wedding, I have just enough time to seek out options, make up my mind, and move forward.


As my wedding porn series demonstrates, I get tons of advertisements every day in addition to the books, magazines, websites, etc. that I seek out on my own. If I had 18 months to plan, I would drive myself nuts second-guessing every decision.

As far as having a coordinator, I think they're great for people who aren't detail-oriented or who don't want to be bothered. However, I love details, and I have the time and energy to spend on making sure our wedding reflects Lu and me to a tee.

If I had a coordinator, I'd be hovering over her shoulder all the time wanting copies of every email, transcriptions of every phone conversation, and details about everything that was vetoed. Okay, I probably wouldn't be that extreme, but you get the idea. The coordinator would be extremely annoyed with me because planning weddings is her career, whereas I have no experience. At the same time, not knowing everything would drive me crazy.

I also have three secret weapons: I'm a graduate student with a BlackBerry and a blog. As a student, my schedule is flexible. I can make phone calls and go to appointments during the day when most brides are at work. With my BlackBerry, I can read and respond to emails immediately.

As far as the blog, writing about the things I have to do, would-be stressors, or just what's going through my mind has been really therapeutic. The comments on my posts and the conversations I have with readers are sooo encouraging.

There's nothing like running into someone that I haven't seen in awhile and having them confess, "Hey! How've you been?... Well actually, I already kinda know because I read your blog. Did you guys decide on your honeymoon yet?!"

This type of interaction is much more my style than getting "summaries" from or -- even worse -- having official meetings with a coordinator to go over updates. Some people prefer the formality, but I like to know what's happening, when it's happening, and what needs to be done next.



With that being said, Lu and I are going to have a coordinator the day of the wedding -- two coordinators, actually. I'll put all the plans in place, but I have no problems turning off my phone and letting Lu's aunt and cousin run the show with my sister as an emergency back up. Between those three people, I know that things will go smoothly.

I know some people are reading this and thinking I'm crazy: either for being a control freak or for not sitting back and taking advantage of being a "princess" for a day. However, to be clear, I don't mind assuming the princess position sometimes. I'd be crazy to try to do everything myself. I certainly don't mind asking for help and delegating tasks.

Nonetheless, between the wealth of information available on the internet and DIY stores like Michaels, coordinators don't have the monopoly on the wedding market that they once did. You can find books, websites, and probably an iPhone application that will take you through every step of planning your wedding.

I'm not a control freak or a bridezilla..... I'm just a 21st-century bride who actually likes to dig in and get my hands dirty.



In fact, the only periods of stress that I have are from calming other people down. I think a lot of people buy into the hype that it takes a long time to plan a great wedding.

It really is hard for people to accept that Lu and I have things under control. Someone's always asking, "What about x?" or "Have you thought about y?" or "Don't forget about z!! You did forget... didn't you?"

It's almost like a test to see what we're missing. I have to say that we're passing with flying colors. Every now and then, there's a detail that we have to make a decision about, but we're pretty much solid.

Bottom Line: You don't have to spend over a year planning your wedding, you don't have to hire a coordinator before the wedding day, and it's okay if you're not super-stressed.

With that being said, planning your own wedding is not for the disorganized, the faint of heart, or the people pleasers. If you're the person that forgets to follow-up on emails, isn't ready to be bombarded with questions, or takes everyone's advice and doubts to heart, then planning a wedding will be miserable.

My advice to any bride who is thinking about planning her own wedding is that you really have to make yourself happy. There's not a "right" way to do anything; and if there is one, then there are millions of exceptions to that rule. Find something that works, and run it by a few people who have experience running weddings. If the feedback is overwhelmingly positive, then smile and nod (but ignore, ignore, ignore) the Debbie Downers.... and get some file folders.

Disclaimer: This post involves "female topics." If you're one of those men (or women) who scowl whenever you see a commercial for birth control or tampons, even if you're watching Oxygen or WEtv, then you should probably stop here.

I remember the day that I found out about birth control pills (BCPs).

I was 15 years old and having the kind of "sick" day that involves a heating pad and half a bottle of Midol. Flipping through the pages of Seventeen, I found an ad about Ortho Tri-cyclen that piqued my interest: Birth control can give you shorter, lighter periods with fewer to no cramps.

Shorter, lighter periods?!

No cramps?!?!?!?


I ran to the kitchen and exclaimed, "Mom! I want to get on birth control!"

Horrified, but always as cool as a cucumber (a trait that I didn't inherit), my mom said, "Okay.... Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Yes!! It can get rid of my cramps. It can make my periods lighter. I hate missing school. It sucks missing cheerleading practice."

"I hate that word -- 'sucks.' Don't say that."

"I know, I know. It's not lady-like. I'm sorry. Anyway, can we please go to the doctor and get a prescription? I'm realllly sick of this period crap."

"I hate 'crap,' too. Sucks, crap, pissed off. So harsh! I don't understand how they became a part of kids' language today. [*shakes her head*].... Well, I think we should go to the library first and look up some more information about the pills. I never took them, but you can also talk to your sister about her experience."

"Cool!"

"Are you sure there's nothing else you want to talk about?"

"Huh?"

*Gives me one of those "Mom" stares.*

"No! Geesh, not everybody's having sex.... You watch too much Lifetime."

"Weelll, most of those movies are based on true stories."

*Pause. Then both of us laugh.*

Fast-forward almost a decade of 4-day periods that came the fourth Wednesday of every month at 7 PM with no cramps, and 24-year old me begins to wonder if my body could use a break from those hormones.

Not only are Lu and I celibate, but just maybe my body had figured out this whole menstrual cycle thing on its own.

So one month, I ignored my reminder to refill my BCP prescription. Then a few weeks later, I took the final pill in my last pack, and that was that.

For the rest of the month, I was nervous. What is a "natural" period like? What if I have cramps that tear me in half? Or worse, what if I have one of those middle school horror stories, and everyone sees my stained white pants?

It actually wasn't that traumatic. One day, about four weeks after taking my last pill, I had a slight headache and was extremely tired. I guzzled down several cups of coffee and nothing was helping. Thinking I was getting sick, I went home and took a nap. I woke up, went to the bathroom, and my period had started.

"Hmmm, well that wasn't so bad."

Thirty-one days later, the same thing happened. Then another thirty-one days, and I was officially on a "cycle."

I began to note the interesting monthly changes in my body:

Week One: Normal Val
Week Two: Normal Val
Week Three: Sensitive but Mostly Normal Val
Week Four: Crying/Angry Val + 3 lbs., a snickers bar, and a few zits
P-Day: Tired Val + Headache

I learned to control the changes, so that they wouldn't affect my life. I drank tons of water, so I wouldn't retain those extra pounds. I did yoga and practiced self-talk to try to control the wave of emotions I would feel during the fourth week.... I would still eat my snickers bar.


As far as the few zits, I used spot treatments for the first month, which helped but dried out my skin. The following month, I created a skincare regimen for the first time in my life, and my face completely rebelled.... By the next month, I had about a dozen blemishes on my face -- fresh zits, almost-healed zits, scars from zits.

When I was an adolescent, I really didn't have problems with acne. Sure, I had the Clean & Clear and Stridex pads, but my face didn't really break out. On top of that, I have dry, sensitive skin. Most products for acne were too harsh for me to use on a daily basis.

By the time I was in high school, I got used to having a few pimples here and there. They lasted a few days and were no big deal. By the time I finished high school, my complexion was flawless... despite the fact that I only used regular Dove soap and Palmer's cocoa butter lotion... only in the morning... sometimes.

Therefore, dealing with acne in my mid-twenties was beyond annoying. After shelling out money on cleanser, toner, and moisturizer, I noticed that my face was softer but still broken out. Frustrated, I did research on various acne treatment systems -- most of which were still too harsh for my dry skin.

What could be causing these breakouts? The change in weather? Stress? Not drinking enough water? More importantly, what could I do to get my face back to normal?!

Like most things people search for in life, I found the answer to my problem when I wasn't looking for it.

After Lu and I got engaged, I knew that I wanted to start birth control about 3-4 months before the wedding. That way, my body could go through any physical and/or emotional adjustments that it needed to before the big day.

My first month back on BCPs, I only had two new pimples. By the second month, most of my old zits had healed. As I begin my third month back on birth control, I only have a few scars from my several months of breakouts.

That's when I remembered the one benefit of birth control that I'd completely forgotten about: BCPs help with mild to moderate acne.

I didn't "outgrow" my acne like I'd assumed. My body just doesn't have crazy hormone surges when I'm taking pills. Like my clockwork periods, my flawless face was a positive side effect of being on birth control!

I'm not suggesting that everyone with acne should run out and get The Pill. There can be side effects, some severe. It's definitely a decision that should be discussed thoroughly with a doctor. Personally, I'm glad that I started using BCPs again... and my face is thankful, too.