I'm a quote-collector. I'm big on pithy, powerful messages that make me feel good about myself, my endeavors, my place in the universe, etc. Lu and I start most of our mornings with a daily inspirational quote, and my just because gift has gotten both of us through some tough days!

One quote that I found a few years ago has been particularly meaningful to me: "She wasn't where she had been. She wasn't where she was going... but she was on her way."

I came across this quote while looking for a gift for my mother on one of those websites that sells whimsical, unique items. It stood out to me because I had just finished the requirements for my masters degree, recently met Lu, and was thinking about leaving my Phd program.

I didn't know the author, and I didn't know where it came from. It just spoke to me. I'd come a long way from Calvert County, MD; however, I had no idea where the next stop on my journey would be. Moreover, I didn't even know where my journey was going to take me. I was just "on my way."

Three years later -- with a degree, a marriage, and a few dissertation chapters under my belt -- I find myself on my way again. I had the urge to know who said this quote that spoke to my life at each fork in the road. It turns out that these few lines are just the beginning of a longer message by Jodi Hills, an artist and author:


"She wasn't where she had been. She wasn't where she was going…but she was on her way. And on her way she enjoyed food that wasn't fast, friendships that held, hearts glowing, hearts breaking, smiles that caught tears, paths trudged and alleys skipped. And on her way she no longer looked for the answers, but held close the two things she knew for sure. One, if a day carried strength in the morning, peace in the evening, and a little joy in between, it was a good one…and two, you can live completely without complete understanding. She was on her way."

Wow. How beautiful and real is that?

As I near the end of my graduate school career, I've been thinking a lot about what happens next. I see a lot of friends who can't stand their jobs. On the other hand, there are other people who graduate and don't have jobs at all. Personally, I know that my next position is temporary. It'll be something to keep me in Ann Arbor for a few years while Lu finishes up his PhD.

However, my job will be more than just a source of income. Everything that I do now builds up my expertise and prepares me for the next step. I want to be able to sharpen my current skills, not to mention actually enjoy most of my waking hours. Most importantly, I don't want to put myself in a box where I don't feel comfortable. Sure, people change tracks all the time. However, after two decades in school, I don't want to do something totally irrelevant.

These thoughts have been stressing me out in the last few weeks: Is it too early to start applying for jobs? Which career route should I pursue? How will this affect my dissertation writing? Can I even push myself to work through the last several months of this degree when I don't want a faculty or research position? What if I find a job that I love and never complete the PhD at all? What will that mean for my future?

Although these are all valid concerns, I have no control over God's plans for me. I wanted to go to college in Maryland and ended up in Georgia. I wanted to get a masters degree and now I almost have a PhD. I wanted to go to graduate school somewhere warm, and I'm in Michigan. I wanted to get married in the summer, and I had a gorgeous fall wedding.

Despite all of the things that I've wanted to do, I've ended up much happier going where God has taken me. Like the quote says, I'm learning to live completely without complete understanding.

So, no. I might not be where I'm going, but I'm having an amazing time on the way.