Today is not only Christmas Eve, but it's also my parents' 50th anniversary.

50 years.

Then...

50 years... of marriage.

... Now

50 years... of marriage... to the same person.

In this day and age, it's tough to imagine committing to 50 years of anything.

You don't have to commit to 50 years of school (I'm on the verge of exploding after 22 years), 50 years of work (most people don't even stay with the same company for more than 5 years anymore), or even 50 years in the same house (I've personally lived in 4 states in less than 10 years).

Our generation, more than any other before us, is always looking for something newer, better, and more interesting.  We're not really taught to appreciate what we have or fix things that don't work. Upgrading is an important part of our life. Heck, just ask any technology company.

Line for iPhone release (from www.businessinsider.com)

In fact, Lu and I were watching Family Feud, and one question during the fast money section was, "What is the first thing a man trades out when he 'makes it' financially?"

(Yes, I have a secret obsession with game shows.)

The audience laughed when the contestant immediately said, "His wife."

It was a funny answer, but it wasn't funny that it turned out to be number one on the board. Ouch!

My parents have definitely been through some tough times in their 50 years. It's not easy raising four children, or influencing the lives of four grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and two grand-dogs.

However, it's a blessing -- and an inspiration -- to know that they'd do it all again. No upgrading necessary.

Lu has a huge test on Tuesday, and we'd really appreciate it if everyone who reads this would send up a quick prayer!

In the meantime, I've been holding down the home front: cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, baking cookies, writing Christmas/thank you cards, and packing for our trip home for the holidays.

Although I hate chores, I must admit that I kinda like this. As weird as this sounds, it's actually putting me in the Christmas spirit.

In I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah: Moving from Romance to Lasting Love (one of the books we read during our engagement), Ravi Zacharias states that you must literally die to yourself everyday and serve your partnership. Many people go into a marriage with the preconception that it's going to be 50/50. However, one point that has been reiterated by our counselors, in our readings, and by other married couples is that this is not the case.

Marriage should always be 100/100.

Sometimes we can't give our absolute best, but this is when it's even more important to have the support of your spouse. This time, Lu needs me to bear a bit more than my "half" of our marriage.

Taking care of my household, even if there are only two of us right now, is putting me in a wonderful mood. Christmas is all about family, giving, peace, goodwill, and -- like the true essence of Jesus -- love.

I'm sure I won't always feel this great about folding socks and making tuna casserole, so I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can right now!

Lu and I have had a stressful week. School has been overwhelming for him and underwhelming for me, which has put both of us in a "what am I doing with my life" funk.

Up until this point, we've alternated our bad moods. When he's not feeling so great, I can calm him down or cheer him up. When I don't have the best attitude, he can make me smile or ignore me until I realize how childish I'm being.


With both of us tired and short-tempered, the last few days were full of bickering, snippy remarks, the cold shoulder, and a few temper tantrums (embarrassing, but true). In the interest of keeping our married life at least semi-private, I'm not going to go into the full details. However, just know that newlywed life was not all blue skies and sunshine.

Sure, we'd had some disagreements before this point. It's usually a case of over/under-sensitivity and being oblivious about crossing "the" line until the damage is done. In this case, the offended expresses their hurt, the offender apologizes, the offended accepts, and we discuss what we both could have done better.

This time, both of us committed two, big marital no-nos: being selfish and stubborn.

We've already acknowledged just how hard it is to live in this world of "we," but the rewards outweigh the hardships.

Somehow, we didn't remember that this time. In our pouting and pot banging, we forgot that a prideful "me" never feels as good as a happy "us."


Thank God we were able to put our differences -- and egos -- aside before any serious damage was done to our marriage. In fact, we both ended up laughing when we made up:

"It's all my fault."

"No, it's my fault." 

"No, really. Blame me. I'm the one who screwed up."

"But I screwed up more. You really needed me to understand where you were coming from this time."

"You needed me. I'm the one that dropped the ball."

And of course, we were able to enjoy one of the parts of marriage that I totally underestimated: makeup lovin' followed by freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. Neither made up for our arguing, but what a way to get back on track!

Lu and I have been married for less than two months, and the b-word has already taken a semi-prominent place in our life. Lu's mom says it, my mom says it, our friends drop it like it's not an issue, and even our fathers are okay with it.

Sure, it's kind of a joke at this point, but I feel like I have to pretend I'm okay with hearing it.

I'm not. The b-word makes me feel downright uncomfortable and nervous.

As far as I'm concerned, "baby" is just another four-letter word.

Lu and I are not ready for children. We're both still in school, we have a one-bedroom condo, and we want to be able to define our roles as husband and wife before moving on to mom and dad.... At least, that's what we tell people when they ask.

The honest truth? At the heart of the matter, we're too selfish and scared to bring children into our lives right now.

T-shirt available on www.zazzle.com.

To be fair, babies are cute, cuddly, precious, and a true miracle... when they're not ours. Looking at pregnant women and tiny newborns gives me the warm fuzzies. There's nothing quite like seeing the glow on a woman's face as she guides her friends' hand to the exact spot where the baby kicked. You can't duplicate the feeling of holding a perfect, miniature person who smells like sweet milk and baby powder.

Of course, that is until the baby vomits down your back, into your hair, and plays with it. Or until she poops through her diapers and onto her second dress of the day. Or until your little boy urinates in your face... and laughs. Or until you realize that you have total responsibility of this completely, helpless creature; and even when he/she grows up and (prayerfully) becomes "independent," they'll still be a vital part of your life.

Cute

Let's even back up a bit more. I'm going to reveal the conclusion that a number of my friends and I have come to after discussing our admittedly, ticking biological clocks (no worries, I won't disclose names): pregnancy is CREEPY. It's natural, but it's still disturbing.



There's another being living inside of you wreaking havoc on your emotions and body -- morning sickness, food cravings, acne, mood swings, heartburn, gas, sleepless nights, and not to mention the exponential weight gain and stretching.

Creepy

Then at a certain age, the baby starts doing whatever it feels like -- sucking its thumb, kicking, dancing, etc. -- still inside of you but acting on its own volition.

Oh, yeah. And all of this is before the whole process of going into labor.

I've had these conversations mostly with friends who have never had children, but my pregnant friends don't pretend that it's some completely, happy experience either. Even those with "easy" pregnancies complain about swollen feet, getting out of breath while trying to tie their shoes, not being able to take their usual allergy or pain medications, and how uncomfortable it feels waddling around a beach in August with 30 extra pounds wearing a maternity bathing suit.

New mothers describe post-labor hemorrhoids, 3 a.m. feedings, changing diapers almost every hour, sore nipples from breastfeeding, and the struggle between spending months trying to lose the baby weight and knowing that you're going to gain it all back when you try for baby #2 next year.

Bringing another life into this world really is an internal struggle. However, it's also a gift from God and an issue not to be taken lightly. In fact, when my biological clock started ticking, I got a dog to pause it.

Maggie is a big responsibility. However, she did not affect my body, was potty-trained in three months, can be left at home alone for several hours at a time, and will never be able to talk back.

On the other hand, she won't learn to read, have a first day of school, or dance in ballet recitals. She'll never bring home a great report card, science projects, or a boyfriend. There will be no proms, graduations, or wedding for Maggie. She will not be able to give Lu and me grandchildren, take care of us when we're old, or pass on the memories and legacy of our family.



Nonetheless, for us, Maggie is a step. Like real parents, we give her food and shelter, take her for shots and check-ups, arrange the occasional play date, and make sure that she has lots of love. Like a real daughter, she wakes us up in the morning when she has to potty, sits between us on the couch, doesn't like to sleep in her own bed at night, and goes to "daddy" when mommy won't let her do (or usually eat) something.

Lu and I are great dog parents, and one day we'll be great real parents.... Just not any time soon. With that said, if God has other plans, then we'll make it work. However, for now, I really wouldn't mind retiring the b-word for a few years.

Many brides grow their hair out before the wedding (and/or get extensions) to have long locks that can be perfectly spiraled or put in some elaborate up-do on the big day. However, within a few months of the "I dos," most women toss out the deep conditioner, take out the weave, and chop off their hair.

Some people describe it as freeing themselves from the stress of the wedding, others say that long hair makes them feel young or immature, and some women just plain like the convenience of short hair.

In my opinion, cutting your hair after the wedding is a lot like binge-eating after an extreme diet. You get sick of obsessing about being perfect, and you just want to be comfortable.

I'm known for being scissor-happy. My hair goes through cycles of growing and cutting. I'll grow my hair past my shoulders,


cut it to not-quite-shoulder-length,


grow it a little bit more again,


get sick of it, and chop it to my chin...



and repeat.



In fact, a few weeks after I graduated college, I cut off almost a foot of hair myself. Yep, I took some scissors into my parents' bathroom and went to work!

Why?

Well, there was the whole "new phase of life" thing. However, I'd also just gotten a cramp in my arm from spending almost two hours drying and straightening my hair -- all to go outside, sweat, and have my curls come right back. Goodbye, straight hair. Hello, pixie-cut curls!



This time, I've decided to do the opposite. I'm going to grow my hair as long as I can tolerate it.

I also got a Keratin treatment to keep my hair strong and healthy during the process. I blogged awhile back about how I was thinking of getting one but was nervous about it. I gave in, and I love it!

It's not the life-changing event that some people say, but I can blow-dry and flat iron my hair in 20-30 minutes flat. It still has body and volume. I even let it air-dry over the weekend, and my hair was mostly straight -- in a good way (i.e. not the damaged, flat relaxer-version of straight).

Over the next 3-5 months, my curls will supposedly return to their full glory. However, given how wonderful this has been so far, I might just keep it up!

** I've added a few questions since this was originally posted. If you have more, keep 'em coming!**

I know I promised these on Monday, but two days late isn't that bad. Right?

Here are all of the marriage questions that I received -- Facebook, email, and blog:

Q: Did you fully love yourself before you were married, or is it still a work in progress?

A: GREAT question! I did fully love myself; but maybe a bit too much (lol) because sometimes it can be difficult to be selfless and open-minded when you have to share everything with someone else. It's definitely a process going from "I" to "we," but it's so worth the journey!

Q: Do you think you would have been content with your life if you never got married?

A: I think that if I never met the right person, then I would have been content. Knowing in my heart that God put Lu in my life (even if the timing, our ages, bank accounts, education, etc. weren't "right"), I would not have been content if I'd let our opportunity to spend our lives together slip away.

Q: What happened to those books you used to read before you got engaged? Have you stopped?

A: Nope! The books just get longer after you get married. :-) On top of that we were also busy with the wedding, moving in together, finishing up the semester for school, etc. We are actually reading two books at once right now -- a daily devotional and Starting Your Marriage Right. I'll post reviews when we finish those.

Q: Do you wish you'd had a longer engagement?

A: Another month or two max would've been okay, but I think a long engagement would've driven me crazy. I would have second-guessed everything, and I wouldn't have been happy with the final outcome. Besides, I think that an engagement should be a transition phase, not the end goal. Six months was a bit short. Eight months to a year would've been fun -- throw in a few extra celebrations. Eighteen months would've have been the absolute limit for me, and even now I can't imagine what I would've done if I'd three times as long to plan.

Q: Was being celibate worth it?!

A: Oh, yeah. We're so comfortable with each other, and it's a truly intimate experience. Besides, I think we're making up for lost time pretty well. ;-)

Q: Were you all able to do everything for under 15-20K?

A: The total cost for our wedding (ceremony and reception) was right at $14,500. Looking at additional costs, the rehearsal dinner was $1000, the VIP booths at the lounge where we had our after party were $500, and our honeymoon comes in at just under $5000.

However, my parents gave us some money, Lu's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner (and hosted a second reception for us), and we had family members gift us things: the cake, church, ceremony decorations, and our transportation. Also, the cash gifts we got from the wedding are covering a large chunk of our honeymoon.

In the end, Lu and I paid about $13,000 of the $21,000 total.

Q: How does your actual marriage match up to the expectations you had for it?

A: We definitely expected our marriage to be fun, so that part lived up to what we thought it'd be. We still go out, spend evenings studying in the coffee shop, cook together, laugh and goof around, etc. However, every counselor, book, married family member/friend told us that the first few years of marriage would be full of stumbling blocks, disagreements, and even doubt as we learn to adapt to each other and develop our "marriage style." Even though we knew to expect some bumps, it's still weird when they happen. It hasn't even been two months yet, and I think we've gotten much better at handling things (based on the fact that problems seem to come up less often). Although there will be more adjustments when we get jobs, move, and have kids, I definitely think we're establishing good habits now to face the real issues later.

Q: Do you "feel" married?

A: Sometimes... I think. It's weird because they way that we spend time in our marriage is generally the same way we spent it while we were dating. However, we now share our finances, I have a new last name, and people treat us as more of a unit. There's also this peace that comes with knowing that you have someone there to support you through the stages of life.

Q: Were you really ready to give up other men forever?!

A: Yes! Based on my own experiences and living vicariously through my friends, dating is confusing, frustrating, and disappointing. A good man is hard to find. Finding a good man who wants to be in a relationship is rare. Finding a good man, who wants to be in a relationship and is a perfect fit for you is like finding a needle in a haystack!

Do I still think other guys are attractive? Yes. Do I wish I could still do random things with my single friends like speed dating or trying to catch the bouquet at a wedding? Yes. Do these things match up to my desire to be with Lu? Not. Even. Close.

Viral Facebook status updates have been used primarily to spread awareness about breast cancer. Last year, women posted their current bra color in their status messages. While this year's message was about stating where they like to put their purse when they come home (i.e. "I like it on the counter, sofa, floor, etc.").

The goal is to encourage people to ask what the status means, and it eventually spreads the word about the real meaning behind the risqué status.

However, Facebook's most recent viral status update was a Q&A. Your friends could inbox you any question they wanted, and you would be required to answer it on your status message without revealing the identity of the person who asked.

Since I got a few questions about marriage, I figured that I would open this up on the blog. Ask Lu and/or me a question about the wedding or our marriage, and we'll answer!

You can comment on this post or send an email to ashleyandjeremy2010@gmail.com. We'll post the answers on Monday!

'Tis the season to be... BUSY. Between planning a wedding, getting married, having a second reception, moving in together, and going to school, Lu and I have had a busy last few months.

Add to that holiday parties, Christmas shopping, planning my parents' 50th anniversary party, and a little thing called finals time, and the holidays are crazy!

Lu and I have come up with a way to save some time this season: We're combining our wedding thank you cards with our Christmas cards.

You're supposed to send thank you notes within six months of the wedding. Since we've received the majority of our gifts already, we've decided to get our cards out a bit early -- just in time for Christmas.

Once again, we've broken etiquette rules in favor of practicality. The thank you card is supposed to be totally separate because our wedding and Christmas are two, distinct "events." However, it doesn't make any sense to us to write two sets of cards, address two sets of envelopes, pay for two sets of postage, and send both to one set of addresses a few days/weeks apart.

The most difficult part was finding a card that would fit into both categories. Luckily, our fall wedding colors (burgundy, yellow, orange, and chocolate) go great with the deep reds and golds of the holiday season. We ended up designing our own cards on Vistaprint:



I think we did a great job. We also used using a coupon code to get 75% off -- 250 thank you/Christmas cards, envelopes, and coordinating return address labels for $42. The wedding definitely taught us how to stick to a budget! :-)